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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
. And you're probably not the only one he's sleeping with.
Are you not worth more?
I used to think that too but he gets so deranged right after sex, telling me he’s on a crash and needs psychiatric help, and says he certainly isn’t doing it outside of me and has to stay in a hotel when he goes home (I spoke w his wife once and she basically acted totally indifferent like “o cool he’s using you too”)
 

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Long story but I’ve seen this man off & on for years who is still married in another country technically, but he left his wife & son for “no real reason, I’m just selfish and like to be on my own.” Didn’t get a divorce bc he says what’s the point, why waste his $. He can be very “on,” texting me endlessly and flipping out if I even speak to other men, or “off” where he completely withdraws and you won’t hear from him for a while. Says he doesn’t want a relationship because he has this deep need to be free. Ok, now the worst has been coming right after sex, when I feel the closest to him. He always says he experiences this fallout/depression/ tremendous low after sex and this morning (we had sex last night) he texted me angry that he hadnt been able to get out of bed for hours and that it’s my fault because I known how bad sex makes him feel so I should have avoided. (Mind you, I thought we were going to get dinner last night and he was the one who asked if I wanted to come over & he would get Uber Eats). Says “if this continues then I won’t ever see you again.” When I was over last night the sex was amazing but he as a person seemed even more detached and withdrawn than usual. It was like interacting w someone in the throes of deep depression, wasn’t even carrying on a linear conversation, would stare into space.
I think the issue is not him. He is showing you exactly who he is. You can't change someone. The issue here is, you might have codependency issues. Why do you tolerate this, if you want more and he doesn't? Either accept it for what it is going to be, which is to go nowhere, or walk away. I mean, he let his whole family go, for himself. He clearly isn't ready for anything, and no offense, you aren't going to be 'special' and be the one to magically 'make him see the light'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #25 ·
True, I never knew what to make of him telling me “my young child and wife cried for me not to go but I just left because I felt like being selfish and having freedom” and 5 years later he never went back. Oh, and right before he moved, he told me his wife kicked him out for a few days for rekindling with an ex-girlfriend
 

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Well, yeah; because if he were truly mentally ill and a sociopath as he sometimes claims to me, then he wouldn’t want that relationship
All of his actions sound like straight up abuse to me, and here you're making excuses for him. Not a good combination, we all know where that leads.
Get out while you're still relatively healthy.
 

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Well, yeah; because if he were truly mentally ill and a sociopath as he sometimes claims to me, then he wouldn’t want that relationship
You don't seem to understand what is going on. Please read about people who have personality disorders, including sociopaths. He has told you this because he actually IS ONE not because he is being self deprecating. Do not let a psycho around your child!!! Especially when he is clearly using that relationship to manipulate you. Are you not afraid of what he is doing to your child when you aren't watching or listening?

If that doesn't scare you, you really need to get some better parenting skills.
 

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True, I never knew what to make of him telling me “my young child and wife cried for me not to go but I just left because I felt like being selfish and having freedom” and 5 years later he never went back. Oh, and right before he moved, he told me his wife kicked him out for a few days for rekindling with an ex-girlfriend
Here's what you should make of it....he is a dangerous person with no empathy ie: has some kind of personality disorder but most likely is actually a sociopath just like he has already told you.

Please - get some help for yourself so you can understand why you would be with this man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #29 ·
Are you not afraid of what he is doing to your child when you aren't watching or listening?

If that doesn't scare you, you really need to get some better parenting skills.
Well, when I explained I didn’t want my child around some man who threatens to never see me again (the AM after sex, claiming he didn’t want it when he was the one who told me to come over) & doesn’t care about me, his response was “she’s so young how could she possibly pick up on that?!” It bothers me that I can’t figure out why he’d even try to see her.
 

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GB85, man here. I read this and your other post. As a long-term husband, I would suggest the following.

1. Go no-contact with this married man. Do not mess with a married man. Nothing good or lasting will come from this.

2. Get STD tested. You are at least swapping fluids with him and his wife. More than likely, you are just a side piece of poonanie for him.

3. You need to go to therapy to understand why you are attracted to bad boys or broken men and not to men who are more stable and caring.

4. I have seen friends and female relatives that display(ed) the behaviors you describe of yourself. None of them have developed stable romantic/family lives. It is sad to see people in their fifties, used and discarded and lonely.
 

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We’ve always had an incredible attraction and chemistry. We both say it’s the best sex ever- which is why I’m baffled that he acts this way after sex, not, like, some other time he might want space (which I do too- I don’t like someone being too into me & my space). He seems to have control issues, saying things about how he’ll have sex w me when he decides & he doesn’t like anything to have power over him, but I find this hot rather than a turnoff
He's sick. He's a total waste of time.
 

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Well, when I explained I didn’t want my child around some man who threatens to never see me again (the AM after sex, claiming he didn’t want it when he was the one who told me to come over) & doesn’t care about me, his response was “she’s so young how could she possibly pick up on that?!” It bothers me that I can’t figure out why he’d even try to see her.
So where is this young child during your sleepovers?

I’m still concerned how you’re using his comments about your child to dispute his diagnosis of whatever he thinks he has. It’s like a glimmer of hope, ‘he wants to eat with my daughter he wants to see my daughter so he must be a loving person!’

Not cool.
 

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Discussion Starter · #33 ·
So where is this young child during your sleepovers?
Sleepovers? In years he’s never once stayed the night and always has me leave if I’m at his place. He’s invited me to join him on vacations but always gets up before I do and leaves the room. Has never held my hand and usually pushes my face away if I kiss him, but then texts would be about how jealous or hurt he was if I was dating any other guy
 

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Sleepovers? In years he’s never once stayed the night and always has me leave if I’m at his place. He’s invited me to join him on vacations but always gets up before I do and leaves the room. Has never held my hand and usually pushes my face away if I kiss him, but then texts would be about how jealous or hurt he was if I was dating any other guy
Please read up about narcisists and sociopaths, PLEASE. Your questions will be answered if you do.

The jealousy is actually a HUGE RED FLAG. You think it means he "cares" about what you do, but it's not about that, it's about his lack of empathy and his need for narcisistic supply from you. You and your child are both in danger from this man. Please get help for yourself so you can find out why you have allowed yourself to be with him.
 

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Well, yeah; because if he were truly mentally ill and a sociopath as he sometimes claims to me, then he wouldn’t want that relationship
No. You're wrong about that. There are many reasons why he would want to be around her and, based on what you've said about him, none of them are good.
For the safety of both your daughter and you, cut him off and never speak to him again. He's a bad egg.
 

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Sleepovers? In years he’s never once stayed the night and always has me leave if I’m at his place. He’s invited me to join him on vacations but always gets up before I do and leaves the room. Has never held my hand and usually pushes my face away if I kiss him, but then texts would be about how jealous or hurt he was if I was dating any other guy
Not much of this makes sense, sorry I wasn’t asking for intimate details of what he does or doesn’t do. I’m not really interested in helping you decipher his actions. We went from holidays to mornings to AM to pushing and so on.

Let’s focus properly: Where is your daughter during the holidays you’ve been on or wherever it is that you see eachother?
 

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Discussion Starter · #38 ·
Not much of this makes sense, sorry I wasn’t asking for intimate details of what he does or doesn’t do. I’m not really interested in helping you decipher his actions. We went from holidays to mornings to AM to pushing and so on.

Let’s focus properly: Where is your daughter during the holidays you’ve been on or wherever it is that you see eachother?
With her father
 
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