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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Long story but I’ve seen this man off & on for years who is still married in another country technically, but he left his wife & son for “no real reason, I’m just selfish and like to be on my own.” Didn’t get a divorce bc he says what’s the point, why waste his $. He can be very “on,” texting me endlessly and flipping out if I even speak to other men, or “off” where he completely withdraws and you won’t hear from him for a while. Says he doesn’t want a relationship because he has this deep need to be free. Ok, now the worst has been coming right after sex, when I feel the closest to him. He always says he experiences this fallout/depression/ tremendous low after sex and this morning (we had sex last night) he texted me angry that he hadnt been able to get out of bed for hours and that it’s my fault because I known how bad sex makes him feel so I should have avoided. (Mind you, I thought we were going to get dinner last night and he was the one who asked if I wanted to come over & he would get Uber Eats). Says “if this continues then I won’t ever see you again.” When I was over last night the sex was amazing but he as a person seemed even more detached and withdrawn than usual. It was like interacting w someone in the throes of deep depression, wasn’t even carrying on a linear conversation, would stare into space.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
And you are with this guy because...?
We’ve always had an incredible attraction and chemistry. We both say it’s the best sex ever- which is why I’m baffled that he acts this way after sex, not, like, some other time he might want space (which I do too- I don’t like someone being too into me & my space). He seems to have control issues, saying things about how he’ll have sex w me when he decides & he doesn’t like anything to have power over him, but I find this hot rather than a turnoff
 

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We’ve always had an incredible attraction and chemistry. We both say it’s the best sex ever- which is why I’m baffled that he acts this way after sex, not, like, some other time he might want space (which I do too- I don’t like someone being too into me & my space). He seems to have control issues, saying things about how he’ll have sex w me when he decides & he doesn’t like anything to have power over him, but I find this hot rather than a turnoff
So he is just a friends with benefits who isn't much of a friend?

I can't imagine why you would continue to see him once you found out he abandoned his wife and child. that should have led to, NEXT!
 

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He says he is married.

Is he?

Maybe he is just saying he is married to prevent anyone from tying him down.

Yes, FWB material.

Oh, he is only friendly, now and then.

What benefits does he supply?

Not much, not even the benefit of the doubt.
 
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When I was over last night the sex was amazing but he as a person seemed even more detached and withdrawn than usual. It was like interacting w someone in the throes of deep depression, wasn’t even carrying on a linear conversation, would stare into space.
Guilty conscience?
 

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People that have this dichotomy where they compulsively seek out inappropriate and dysfunctional sexual encounters and then have some kind of existential crisis over their compulsive and dysfunctional sexual experience afterwards are the kind of people where they find bodies buried under their crawlspace and body parts in their freezer.
 

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Long story but I’ve seen this man off & on for years who is still married in another country technically, but he left his wife & son for “no real reason, I’m just selfish and like to be on my own.”
Ok, now the worst has been coming right after sex, when I feel the closest to him.
No, the worst was when you found out this man is married and you continued to see him.

Also, how do you know for sure that this man isn't still very much married and is cheating on his wife with you?
 

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Block this guy and do not let the good sex stop you!!!!!!! Married....no!! Who knows if he will ever leave and you do not need to put yourself through that. Issues after sex.....no!!! This man has issues. Detached? He is not making an emotional connection, probably because he is still married and more than likely is just looking for a FWB or a hook-up. Call it.....you deserve better!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
You’re right, it’s awful. I just assume that words like saying he wants to eat with my daughter mean he can’t be so bad. But the shaming is twisted. He lied to me he was getting divorced as that was the only way I’d start having sex w him, now says I’m an evil seductress who preys on him and gets him to have sex (when he’s always the one inviting me over or sexting me). So when I had sex w him last week after he completely initiated, he threatened to never see me again If I don’t “stop it”. So I said that’s damaging to me and if he made that threat then guess what, I don’t ever want to see HIM again
 

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This guy sounds like a total basket case. You say the sex is so good, but he gets depressed and foul after sex?
Doesn't sound good to me, even if during the actual act it may feel good. Good sex is suppose to make you happy. He's up, down, up and down, and mostly down.
Like I said. A basket case.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Sister, you are a cheap lay to him.

Either you're ok with that or you're not. It's not that complicated.
How am I a cheap lay when half the time he’s opining about how he feels low and a crash after sex and wants to spend Time with my daughter instead, or like once got offended bc I said I’d come over after my dinner plans rather than spending the whole night w him and he said “I like your company”… just gets so withdrawn once actually around him, like falling asleep in middle of his own sentence
 

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How am I a cheap lay when half the time he’s opining about how he feels low and a crash after sex and wants to spend Time with my daughter instead, or like once got offended bc I said I’d come over after my dinner plans rather than spending the whole night w him and he said “I like your company”… just gets so withdrawn once actually around him, like falling asleep in middle of his own sentence
Because he's throwing you enough scraps to keep you putting out. The dude is married, lies, "needs to be free", and withdraws regularly. This is a guy who likes you well enough to sleep with and tolerate your company some but doesn't want anything more. And you're probably not the only one he's sleeping with.

Are you not worth more?
 
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