So ashamedbuthonest,
Here is what you do. You ask her if she's Mary Rottencrotch that you went to school with.
You bring up some little quirky scandal from HS to share a mutual laugh.
Ask her about how you tell if a melon is ripe or not. If she doesn't know, you have a mutual laugh about how no one really knows.
After about 10 minutes of this, it's only NATURAL to get a coffee at the cafe in the supermarket. You tell her you are getting one and she can tag along if she wants.
Then you catch up on your job, your dreams, the things that didn't pan out like you thought in HS.
(Quick tip: Aisle 14 has cosmetics. Use a skin appropriate bronzer to hide the pale wedding ring mark.)
You casually mention that you stop by EVERY Thursday about this time. Just a comment. Certainly nothing PLANNED about that.
But then you mention that THIS coming Thursday, you want to come during lunch at around 11. Ask offhandedly when she comes by.
Well, NO ONE should shop when they are hungry, so you invite her to that charming little Tex Mex place you've been thinking about taking your wife. But why waste it on her?
So you suggest lunch with this woman and have a pleasant meal where you laugh, connect, and have A Moment. You two just have this silent connected moment. You'll recall it because you had a similar one with your wife before you got intimate. This is a good sign.
(Quick tip: Don't forget to stop at the ATM for cash because that would be an awkward conversation with the wife if it's on the credit card)
Well, after about 3 weeks of 'just running into each other' it's a short path to exchanging numbers and texting
(Quick Tip: The endcap near the self check out counters has burner cellphones and cards to recharge it.)
So in about three months, you just have this 'connection' The wife is happy you are taking care of all the grocery shopping, so it's bonus points for you ALL THE WAY!
(Quick Tip: The pharmacy section in the supermarket has condoms and lube. Some women cheating on THEIR husbands have a lubrication problem. There are also catalogs at rest areas on the highways which have coupons for the cut rate hotels most cheaters go to...)
Well, your sweetheart's husband wonders why the hell she's always at the grocery yet they never have any food. So they have a blow up and she is emotionally distraught and she calls you on your burner phone...at 6 p.m....when you are sitting with your family at dinnner...and the ring tone isn't anything like your phone.
So your WIFE answers it...wondering what the hell is going on.
She sees the 50 texts a day and compares that to the fact she can barely get you on the phone
(quick tip to wife: you can get divorce forms for $199 dollars for all states. Also, when you value the estate, his tools have a value and should be included in the estimate of the divorce)
So your son is now spitting on you and your daughter, who plainly sees that even as wonderful a man as HER DADDY is a cheating inconsiderate PIG, decides all men are worthless and either becomes a lesbian or dates a Hell's Angel named Thor.
Meanwhile, all you can afford is a sh*tty little apartment, your sweetie had to go to her mother three states away because she's getting divorced, your family hates you and all your money is going to TWO residences, child support, alimony, and legal bills for not one, but TWO divorces. Damn lawyers.
How is your Ego feeling now?
