[Diana7]

If you want to stay married then make sure you stay away from this lady. No coffees together, no cosy chats, no drinks after work. I have no idea why you told her of your attraction, that was very unwise.

 

[Diana7]

Or he might be able to help out!
lets say you are attracted by her at work one day, you text your husband and say "i am leaving work early, i need you home RIGHT NOW!", and fulfill your sexual lust with him instead!

someone did say that the fact this is lesbian attraction has nothing to do with it. i somewhat disagree, men often look at their wives being sexually attracted to another woman as less threatening, some even find it sexy. that is why i suggest you discuss it with him. he might, for instance, give you a hall pass, say once a month, to be with her.

I hope he is a better man than that.

 

[Diana7]

There is a third option, that might very well work. That is why I'm hoping @maquiscat will pop by.

Why do we need someone to help her to cheat? Wow.

 

[Diana7]

they are adults.
IF they discuss it, i am sure they can find a path forward.
there are dangers in going that way. but if proper boundaries are set up and adherred to....let them figure it out.

For most opening the door to adultery isn't an option thankfully.

 

[Diana7]

Sorry but this is a very strange dynamic, to be with a woman for over two decades and then marry a man less than two years after she passed away?

Maybe you haven't been making rational decisions and this attraction is just the latest example?

Have you had any therapy or counseling?

Lots of people jump quickly into dating again and a new marriage after being widowed. I dont get it at all myself but it happens quite often. I know a few people who married the year after their spouse died.

 

[Diana7]

Loneliness.

Yes, but not a good reason to jump into dating again while still grieving.

 

[Diana7]

I was mostly referring to the switch in gender for a partner.

It is an odd dynamic but OP has been in professional care so that puts my concern to rest.

Yes that as well but I guess if you are bisexual it's no different than getting married again to someone of the same sex.

 

[Diana7]

@ConanHub Well I sure as hell am! I don't swing that way. I agree about the vows of course.



@Diana7 there are many paths in life. Open your mind a little.




@EB123 I would ignore this guy. He's just enjoying beating up on you.

I do think you should tell your husband, though. I don't like being played the fool, I don't think many men do. It doesn't sound like anything really serious has happened to this point, and I think being honest with your husband will make you both feel better: get it off your chest and boost his confidence in you and your marriage.



Ah, the master finally shows up. @EB123 Grok @maquiscat , he walks a different path, but is well worth listening to.

Yes there are many paths in life. In this case cheating or not cheating.

 

[Diana7]

So he hit you in a one-off event when he was told his wife was attracted to another person, told the person……..
My thoughts are that a slap is one thing, a punch is another.
I am kind of surprised that she was honest and told her husband and told him she had cut all contact and he reacted by hitting her. I’d have thought he’d be hurt deeply and in shock, but wouldn’t have reacted with violence. But everyone is different.
It’s up to OP if she feels this is something to go to the police for, or if she feels her husband wouldn’t do that again. I personally think going to the police over a one-off event in a high stress situation and she doesn’t feel in danger, is the thing to do. But if she plans on divorcing him I suppose it would. If she goes to the police and files domestic abuse charges, she is likely to get papers filed on her. I would.
There is no way I’d hit a woman, but getting told you’ve been cheated on is a rough emotional ride. There’s no telling how someone will react. A person may not even know how they’ll react

OP, what are your plans from here? What has been your husband’s demeanor since the incident?

I think you did right telling him OP. Very sorry you got hit over it.

Sorry but even if you have been told your spouse cheated ( which she hasn't)you don't use violence.

Op do you have marks or bruises? If so take photos.

 

[Diana7]

I thought it was clear that I agree…….

You seemed to be semi excusing it and implying that a slap wasnt as bad as a hit.