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I have been married for 19 years and have two teenagers. I wanted to leave my husband 6 months in. Here are the basics of the issues:
1. I don't know how to talk to him anymore without making him feel worthless or lower his self esteem. He says I talk to him like he is a child. When I talk to him, I slow my speech and pronounce my words clearly in hopes that it will be easier for him to listen. I'm now beginning to think I'm an emotional abuser. I am constantly having to make concessions with my personality for him because he is sensitive, but there have been no concessions on his part to accept my personality. When I try to tell him how I feel, the conversation ends with how it makes him feel with no resolution or support on my feelings.
2. He is generally lazy, doesn't finish projects, tries to fix things that he doesn't know how to leaving our house in a bigger mess. He knows that I want our home functional, not immaculate, just in working order. We have mold, a leaky roof, torn up carpet, concrete issues, doors that won't stay shut, etc. He says it is not important to him to maintain our home. We have no money to fix these things but I'm resentful because our home should have been maintained to begin with. I've stopped nagging years ago, but it's still hard for me to accept that something that's important to me is not to him.
3. We filed for bankruptcy two years ago. I trusted him to make good decisions regarding the finances. We have tried to work together regarding the money, but have always disagreed. I know that this is partially my fault for not putting my foot down on how the money should be spent. Our finances are now separate. We received a notice in the mail that we are delinquent on our state taxes. I was surprised because he told me he had taken care of it. He even asked me to take over paying the monthly grocery bills so that he could pay the taxes, I have done that and yet the tax bill still hasn't been paid. At this point, I'm trying to rebuild my credit, and if it has my name on it, I should be able to voice my concerns. His response was to be nonchalant and evasive, accused me of only being concerned with my credit, and then proceeded to tell me that I'm condescending. I don't trust him with the money and feel that I need to protect myself financially.
4. I have forgiven him for his past extramarital discretion. I left him three years ago, started divorce proceedings and moved on with my life. I became involved with another man that I had known since I was 14. He says he will never forgive me for my discretion. I saw many changes in him that prompted me to come back and give our marriage another shot. The changes were short lived, and he blamed it on the fact that there was still some communication with the other man. The only way he knew that there was still communication was he would secretly look at my phone and hacked into my Facebook account. It was more difficult getting over my affair that what I had thought, the separation period was tough. I assured my husband everyday that I loved him and wanted to be there. I needed alot of support, but once again it became all about his hurt feelings than it did mine.
Anything I do at this point doesn't seem to be working.
1. I don't know how to talk to him anymore without making him feel worthless or lower his self esteem. He says I talk to him like he is a child. When I talk to him, I slow my speech and pronounce my words clearly in hopes that it will be easier for him to listen. I'm now beginning to think I'm an emotional abuser. I am constantly having to make concessions with my personality for him because he is sensitive, but there have been no concessions on his part to accept my personality. When I try to tell him how I feel, the conversation ends with how it makes him feel with no resolution or support on my feelings.
2. He is generally lazy, doesn't finish projects, tries to fix things that he doesn't know how to leaving our house in a bigger mess. He knows that I want our home functional, not immaculate, just in working order. We have mold, a leaky roof, torn up carpet, concrete issues, doors that won't stay shut, etc. He says it is not important to him to maintain our home. We have no money to fix these things but I'm resentful because our home should have been maintained to begin with. I've stopped nagging years ago, but it's still hard for me to accept that something that's important to me is not to him.
3. We filed for bankruptcy two years ago. I trusted him to make good decisions regarding the finances. We have tried to work together regarding the money, but have always disagreed. I know that this is partially my fault for not putting my foot down on how the money should be spent. Our finances are now separate. We received a notice in the mail that we are delinquent on our state taxes. I was surprised because he told me he had taken care of it. He even asked me to take over paying the monthly grocery bills so that he could pay the taxes, I have done that and yet the tax bill still hasn't been paid. At this point, I'm trying to rebuild my credit, and if it has my name on it, I should be able to voice my concerns. His response was to be nonchalant and evasive, accused me of only being concerned with my credit, and then proceeded to tell me that I'm condescending. I don't trust him with the money and feel that I need to protect myself financially.
4. I have forgiven him for his past extramarital discretion. I left him three years ago, started divorce proceedings and moved on with my life. I became involved with another man that I had known since I was 14. He says he will never forgive me for my discretion. I saw many changes in him that prompted me to come back and give our marriage another shot. The changes were short lived, and he blamed it on the fact that there was still some communication with the other man. The only way he knew that there was still communication was he would secretly look at my phone and hacked into my Facebook account. It was more difficult getting over my affair that what I had thought, the separation period was tough. I assured my husband everyday that I loved him and wanted to be there. I needed alot of support, but once again it became all about his hurt feelings than it did mine.
Anything I do at this point doesn't seem to be working.
