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We are about 18 months into R and I am still dealing with Valentines day as a trigger. There were pictures and texts I found from my WS to that POS OM. Last year we acted like it did not happen.

How are you dealing with Valentines Day or is not an issue?
 

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Former WW and I are farming the kids off and staying at home, watching movies and drinking beer.

My daughter's birthday was the day she left me - so that will always be an awful trigger I suspect. Great!

Sorry for your pain my friend. I hope it goes OK for you.

:)
 

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<Sigh>....

I went through the motions, ordered her some things. TBH, my heart is just not in it. Post DDay 14 months - ish now. After the gas lighting, the rug sweeping, the trickle truth, my heart is just kinda beat up still. V-day for me has always been for lover's in love, that passionate thing, that romantic thing we all idealize. Perhaps I'm just a closet romantic at heart.

There's a part of me that is still hurt, another part that wants to beat her to death with her own actions, but the larger part is just kinda apathetic of sorts. She has owned what she did (finally), and committed to transparency and openness about our relationship, but to say I was all the way back to google-eyed, love sick me of 11 years past? Nope, not there yet... :(
 

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Interesting that VD is a problem for you guys... it's my fiance's b-day that's a problem for me. In the early days, I made an effort for his b-day by preparing a menu, shopping for the food; getting the exact cake that he wanted; preparing it at his place the Sat night immediately after his actual b-day. Fortunately, I sent him e-mails asking him what he preferred.......

Fast forward to our D-Day, where he used the excuse that he was dating that other woman (treating a sh!t load better that other woman he kept trying to pass off as just a friend) because he said he didn't know how I felt about him. I said, really, all that I did for your b-day means nothing to you now. He asked me, What DID you do for my birthday? I told him to review his e-mails to remind himself.

That was also part of the discussion in which he told that his "friend" went "all out for his birthday. Oh really, I said, Did you and she do something within the week of your birthday. He said, yes, of course. Little did he know that I was looking at an FB PM string between him and her that made it clear that they did not see each each until 2 weeks after his birthday. And also that he made dinner reservations to see her. And that's what he dressed as "her" making and effort. I said, in that e-mail string there is no mention of your b-day there.

Yes, he said, but when she showed up she offered to pay for dinner and gave me a b-day card. Months later I asked to see this card and he admitted that she never gave him one. Since we had this discussion by e-mail, I told him I have it in writing that you said she gave you one.

I do ask myself will I ever be comfortable doing something for his b-day again.
 

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We are going out to eat.
Its my dead brothers birthday its also the day last year POSOM went fishing for my WW,wife told me about it,I called him told him I have already warned him.
He started texting me back ALL DAY long that he was coming over to f my wife all over the house and going to kick my ass and to stay out of his busness.
POS led me on a wild goose chase telling me to meet him at different places,when I showed up he ran.
The text went on for eight hours that day,he kept threatening to come over,I sent my wife and kids out of the house and waited on him with my gun.
He was a twice convicted felon and semi-homeless.
He was WW bf in high school,they did meet up but never got physical.
He actually thought WW was going to keep me kicked out of the house so he could move in.
So V day is going to be I trigger I think.
I ruined the POS's life,he told me I didnt know who I was f'ing with,turns out he did'nt know me very well.
His calls and text lasted eight months,he's verry sorry he ever tested me.
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We celebrate it, usually he takes me out to dinner. This year the venue is a surprise :)

Valentines was never a trigger for me. Even when he was in the midst of cheating, he always made sure I was well taken care of on V day.

The trigger days do get better every year, I am finding.
 

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Interesting that VD is a problem for you guys... it's my fiance's b-day that's a problem for me. In the early days, I made an effort for his b-day by preparing a menu, shopping for the food; getting the exact cake that he wanted; preparing it at his place the Sat night immediately after his actual b-day. Fortunately, I sent him e-mails asking him what he preferred.......

Fast forward to our D-Day, where he used the excuse that he was dating that other woman (treating a sh!t load better that other woman he kept trying to pass off as just a friend) because he said he didn't know how I felt about him. I said, really, all that I did for your b-day means nothing to you now. He asked me, What DID you do for my birthday? I told him to review his e-mails to remind himself.

That was also part of the discussion in which he told that his "friend" went "all out for his birthday. Oh really, I said, Did you and she do something within the week of your birthday. He said, yes, of course. Little did he know that I was looking at an FB PM string between him and her that made it clear that they did not see each each until 2 weeks after his birthday. And also that he made dinner reservations to see her. And that's what he dressed as "her" making and effort. I said, in that e-mail string there is no mention of your b-day there.

Yes, he said, but when she showed up she offered to pay for dinner and gave me a b-day card. Months later I asked to see this card and he admitted that she never gave him one. Since we had this discussion by e-mail, I told him I have it in writing that you said she gave you one.

I do ask myself will I ever be comfortable doing something for his b-day again.
And you're going to marry this guy because?
 

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We celebrate it, usually he takes me out to dinner. This year the venue is a surprise :)

Valentines was never a trigger for me. Even when he was in the midst of cheating, he always made sure I was well taken care of on V day.

The trigger days do get better every year, I am finding.
I like that,I'm not going to give the POS one thought on V day,well I might a little knowing what I did to him.
We have reservations a a local pub we like to hang out sometimes and it should be a good day.
Dinner and drinks all for $100,its the first time they have done something like this.
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I stood in the card aisle looking at a million cards. Its a shame that now I have to consider every word in the card and whether or not it pertains to us/me/him. I left the store with one that talked about "weathering the storm"...I guess thats fitting! LOL
 

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That is some artificial junk between WW and OM this year - I am still concentrating on NC here - will find a random woman and surprise her with someting nice
 

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No V-day triggers, but I'm not into it at all. Only been six months.
 

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Link,
And this is why you remain at risk of further cheating.

This type situation is simple. You say to the cheater: if you want, you can make the effort to do something special for me. Given where we are right now, I am not planning to do anything for you.




QUOTE=Link182;1444052]<Sigh>....

I went through the motions, ordered her some things. TBH, my heart is just not in it. Post DDay 14 months - ish now. After the gas lighting, the rug sweeping, the trickle truth, my heart is just kinda beat up still. V-day for me has always been for lover's in love, that passionate thing, that romantic thing we all idealize. Perhaps I'm just a closet romantic at heart.

There's a part of me that is still hurt, another part that wants to beat her to death with her own actions, but the larger part is just kinda apathetic of sorts. She has owned what she did (finally), and committed to transparency and openness about our relationship, but to say I was all the way back to google-eyed, love sick me of 11 years past? Nope, not there yet... :([/QUOTE]
 

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Yup.. 3.5 years into R and I still dislike this holiday. Before DD, it was jewelry, lovey card, etc. It was expected. Now I hate that ‘expected’ word since it brought me nothing but misery.

Hallmark love I no longer have. Card picking is a miserable emotional experience as it is tough to find a ‘non-committal’ card that doesn’t mention ‘forever’.. This year it’s going to be like a regular date night and we’ll go out on Friday. I’ll give her the card on Thursday, but that’s sort of it on my end of things... Maybe I’ll cook something nicer than usual. As always, I’m sure she’ll bury her head and sort of hide on that triggery day of ‘what could have been if she had not spread her legs’ and walk around on eggshells trying to not upset me... and still upset me by being absent instead of supportive.

And ugh... she’ll get me one of those lovey forever cards..... just like the ones she gave me while cheating. And... she’ll insist she means it and say it aloud without recognizing she’s said those words before too with just as much passion behind it... I really dislike this holiday now.
 

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Valentine's Day is and will be a thing of the past for me...no interest what so ever...I have renamed it "Delusional Day"...I would prefer to celebrate "Festivous" on that day...
 

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Yah, major trigger for me because he gave me a present last year during our dinner out. Lovely jewelery box. Fantastic diamond earrings, except one was missing. He was so busy "chatting" with her before he rushed to take me out that he never even checked the box. Total lack of quality control. :)
..... and the way he "presented" the gift to me was so lack luster. He didn't even bother to wrap it. The whole evening felt so rushed and he was a million miles away.

Course it wasn't till a week later that I discovered the EA....talk about foreshadowing.


I'm not sure how I feel about it now. I've always hated the pressure and commercialization to buy presents on that day.
 

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Last V-day we were in false R. This year we are doing very well. However, I told hubs that I didn't want anything for me, and instead I think that since it is on a Thu night, we should take our 2 girls to the store and buy them new bikes as our gift to them. Then he and I can celebrate at a later date when we can get an overnight sitter.

I am happy with that and he agreed that was a good plan.

I suppose I will get a card for him though. It does not sting so bad finding kind words for him now as it has been the last year. He is coming around :) 2013 has been totally us and no one else...that is a good thing.
 
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