I'm glad to find a good site that has a lot of helpful posts. My situation has been going down hill for 14 years, been married 20. The last 2 years have been in marriage couseling together. Before that, I had counseling to try to deal with my own anxiety. I have brought up in our marriage couseling alot of the issues that have bother me for years. We have not been able to discuss most things because it ends in an arguement. She has to have everything her way, but it is wrong 95% of the time. We have a huge organization problem. She wont pick up hardly anything now. Her side of the bed has about 6 piles around it. I have nothing accumulating and usually try to keep my side neat. Her sink has 10 to 40 drinking glasses piled around it. Mine is clean. The rest of the house is simlar, including one spare room that you can barely get the door open. I have never seen problems like this and it was keeping up most nights worrying about it. Now in counseling, she has been confronted about it and she has lots of excuses. Now 2 years into counseling, and not much has changed. I also do most of the cooking, but she does help out some. That becomes another arguement because she will find something that she may not like and attack me on it, and I resent that and have to fight back, again. She carrys alot of negative emotions about me and I used to feel like the bad guy. We have alot of negative arguements, which she is usually starting. Since counseling, i realized only she can change this. I have tried to separate my self from all these issues. It has helped be to get better sleep, no anxiety, or depression. I feel much better not having to deal with her issues. But that can only go so far. She will also argue that I dont try to do things with her, which I do and it ends up in another arguement. I have realized, now in my 50s, that I dont have the energy to keep going with all the arguments, cleaning up after her, taking care of the house, taking care of all the bills, and kids, and having to deal with her put downs, and feeling like the bad guy. So I am calculating what is next for this situation. I gave it 2 years to try to settle it down and bring it together, but the results are not looking good. She even attacks the counseling we are seeing saying Im just trying to do what the counselor wants, and not what she wants. This is our second counselor also, but we have been with this one for about 1 1/2 years. I would look forward to your suggestions. I obviously have my own ideas, but I dont like to make quick discisions with these situtations, and try to be patient. Thanks.