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First and foremost let me tell you that you are WORTH IT!!! Everything that you are doing to help yourself is worth it!!! If your husband cant stand beside you and walk with you through these dark and dim times, then he needs to re-evaluate what the words through thick and thin, through sickness and health means. He should never put you down, make fun of you or taunt you the way that he does about a sickness...and yes, DEPRESSION is an illness.
I have dealt with someone just like your H, he constantly picked at me bc of my depression, anxiety attacks, etc etc. When we were together, I attempted suicide, I took several xanex that he had, he came in the room after i had done it, I was out cold. all i recall is waking up to him screaming and shaking me then he drug me to the bathroom and stuck his finger down my throat to make me throw everything up. Then as i'm sitting there he calls my father and tells him, "you need to come and pick up your psycho child, she just tried to OD on xanex" then he proceeded to call my therapist (for which I had on speed dial) and told her that whatever bullsh*t she was feeding me just about killed me. I was devastated by his reactions. I never trusted him again and I never talked to him again about what I was going through.
Someone that has never ever experienced depression, anxiety attacks, etc will never know what it is like and will never know what you are going through. My H now supports me 100000000% through everything that i'm going through. He walks beside me, holding my hand through all the rough times. He grew up in literally a perfect home. no abuse what so ever and he has never experienced depression or anxiety attacks or anything of the nature. So for him to stand beside me, not really knowing about anything that i'm going through, means he loves me no matter what. He supports me NO MATTER WHAT!! That helps me tremendously.
Your H should be doing the same thing. If he is picking on you, or taunting you like your post seems to reveal, then he needs to seriously take a step back, educate himself on the illness and work with you, not against you. If he is to stupid and ignorant to do so, then You work on yourself without him. Why you may ask? Because YOUR WORTH IT. Love yourself, love those around you, take care of what YOU need to do for yourself...but first and foremost, know that YOU ARE IMPORTANT to many, and you are a child of God and no matter how far down and deep of a hole you feel like youre in, or how dark the clouds may seem right now, God will never let you fail, nor will he allow you to fall any deeper. i'm not going to preach at you about religion and the such, for thats very personal. But as a believer and a child of God myself, I know that I am Worthy, confident, creative, joyous, blessed and thankful for who I am and what God has made me.
If you ever, and I mean EVER need anything, to talk, to vent, whatever, PLEASE feel free to PM me. I know some things can be really hard to put on here for the world to see and judge, but my inbox is always open.
Always remember, As long as there is a breath in you, God has a purpose for you and someone needs you.
God Bless you and you will be in my prayers!!!
This is a great post.

I know. I have suffered from depression myself when younger.

All the best to you both and congratulations to OP for taking the important first step. With luck your husband may become more understanding and supportive in time. Keep hoping!
 
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