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My Husband and i have been together 6 years and married for 2 in June. I found out i was pregnant 5 weeks after our wedding and had our son in May 08, by Jan 09 i had left him and called for a trial seperation.

Why?? Well... This is the list of things i find unacceptable that i gave him to justify our seperation:

upon your return from a night out you were chucking furniture in our flat towards walls while myself and my two friends were there - actions which were un-prevoked, resulting in me having to call the police - who put you in a cell overnight.
Chucking items around a hotel room resulting in a hotel TV being damaged and my parents being worried about my safety - my uncle's wedding in Kent. Also in the same night you were disrespectful towards my nan, dad & mum and were asked to leave the wedding reception as you were making a scene. You also bribed my cousins who were young with large amounts of money and alcohol (even though they were very unaderage) to upset and embarras guests at the wedding reception.

Following my Auntie's wedding, we went for drinks in Inverness, upon reaching our hotel you refused to let me into the room knowing that i was desperate for the toilet whilst shouting and swearing at me (and mocking my mum's private medical condition). You then locked me out of our hotel at 2am resulting in me having to walk for 10 mins without a jacket in the rain and needing the toilet to my parents hotel, wake them up and have my dad try to reason with you so i can get back into my room.

On another drunken night out, you were disrespectful to people in the local nightclub resulting in you fighting and ending up badly beaten and left unconcious on the road. I was 3 months pregnant at the time and called at 3am to come and help you, then travel to the hospital where i stayed till 6am, i then travelled home, had an hours sleep and went to work. You missed our 3 month scan as you hadn't been discharged from the hospital - my parents came to the scan with me and your mum collected you.

After an afternoon session you returned and started being verbally abusive towards me, in an effort to calm you down i decided it best to leave the flat and go to my parents - you then followed me trying to force me to give you the car keys so you could drive yourself back to the pub, you then forced yourself into the passenger side of the car, gave me the keys and told me to take u to the pub. When i refused, you smashed the windscreen the got out of the car and started kicking it with me in it ( i was 4 months pregnant).

After an afternoon out and evening drinks at my parents you became aggresive towards me (again i was 4 months pregnant) resulting in my parents trying to reason with you. You went to attack my dad and brother outside. I called your dad who came round to try and reason with you - you then tried to assult your dad. In the end your dad managed to calm you down and took you back to the flat, whilst my parents (worried for my and our unborn childs safety) made me stay at their house.

Our Son's Christening - i decided to come home with our son as you had too much to drink and were unfit to look after him. Upon your return to our house you were again verbally abusive and loud - enough to wake our son (he was 4 months old). You then went up to our son's room and removed him from his cot and nearly dropped him. When i asked you calmly to put him down on our bed - you again got abusive saying that i was accusing you of being a bad father. You then took of your shirt - in a bid to get undressed and threw it so hard that it slapped me across the face and nearly hit our son.

After a night out with the lads i received a phone call at 3am from the Police Station to advise that you had been held in custody for drunk and disorderly - Our Son was 6 months.
Eve of Christmas Eve 08, on a night out with the lads you were arrested for racial breach of the peace and held in custody overnight pending a court hearing on Christmas Eve. I was advised by police that there was a possibility of you being remanded in custody over the christmas period. You received a fine of £360ish plus solicitor fees - FINE STILL TO BE PAID.

On Friday night i changed my plans at the last minute as it was my best friends birthday and wanted to enjoy it with the girls. I asked you if this was ok - which you replied it was so i stayed out saying that i was fine with you going out on the Saturday. You went for drinks from 4-7pm with my dad down town, returned for dinner then went back out at 9:30pm. I received a text saying that you were going to divas at 12:30am, i left the front door open as you asked and had left your keys at home. I then received a call at 3:30am from you saying that you were going to trash my parents neighbours son's car and that he got you lifted by the police for fighting - you then hung up. This call woke both our son and me, i had only just got him to sleep as he had been restless. 4:30am i was woken up by you banging on the door even though it was unlocked. I let you sleep the night before off - you got out of bed at 1:30pm, i had been waiting for u to get up so i didn't have to take our son to the shops to get stuff for baking. I had advised you that i was going to be baking cakes for the antenatal girls and making corned beef hash for dinner. went to the shops, bought stuff for our lunch and baking, when i returned you had your jacket on and went to the pub (3:30pm) and was not going to return until 6:30pm.


My Husband has since been to the doctors who have put him on antedepressants and referred him to a councillor who he sees every two weeks. Despite everything, i love him soo much. He is a loving, generous, funny and reliable husband and father when he isn't drinking.

I have asked him numerous times to try and make things work as he says he loves me but he also says he won't change and doesn't see how i will ever be happy.

What do i do????

UPDATE: He has decided to stop drinking. He has been sober for 3 weeks (he has been offshore working on the rigs for 1 week). He said he wants his family back as we are his world and is going to try and address his issues. Fingers crossed he means it this time.....

UPDATE AGAIN!: He is still sober - been nearly 2 months now. But just found out he slept with another women while we were seperated! We were just getting back to perfect and this happens! What do i do now!
 

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I have asked him numerous times to try and make things work as he says he loves me but he also says he won't change and doesn't see how i will ever be happy.

What do i do????
I believe you have answered your own question. You have asked him to stop drinking and be a husband and father. He doesn't want that. You and your son deserve much better than this!
 

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Re: Aren't we enough to make him happy???
Quite possibly & No! While it's very possible that you and your son are all your husband will ever need to be the happiest man in the world, it will never happen as long as he is so unhappy with himself!


My Husband has since been to the doctors who have put him on antedepressants and referred him to a councillor who he sees every two weeks. Despite everything, i love him soo much. He is a loving, generous, funny and reliable husband and father when he isn't drinking.
That's a start... does he seem to be improving or making any changes with the meds and/or counseling? It's obvious that you love your husband and he could be a good husband & father, however it's also obvious that he can't possibly be that way while still drinking.


I have asked him numerous times to try and make things work as he says he loves me but he also says he won't change and doesn't see how i will ever be happy.
Make things work...? As far as the drinking issues, correct? He's right, you can ask him to change until you're blue in the face and it will NOT happen! He may even start drinking more just because. He has to do it for himself, not necessarily BY himself, but FOR himself. Not for you, not for your son or your family, but HIMSELF. I know, my husband is a recovering alcholic. He's also right that you will never be happy living a life like that.


What do i do????
As already stated, I think you know what you should do. It seems that while all of the situations you've listed could have been worse, if your husband continues on like this, it will get worse! Above all else, you need to think of yourself and your son. Let him sink his own ship. Unfortunately, there really isn't anything you can do - he needs to reach for the lifeline. I wish you the best of luck!
 
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