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I think you generally find your spouse/SO attractive, but for some reason, if someone else finds them so, it bothers you...especially if they SHOW they are attracted to your SO/spouse. I think it's one of the worst forms of disrespect. But you're definitely on to something there OP.
Eh, not me. It's the highest form of praise. As long as they don't go overboard.
 

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It also said that monogamy doesn't benefit men.
I don't know who said it, but exactly the opposite is true. Monogamy is set up entirely for the benefit of men. Without it, a few men would have all the women, and most men would be mateless. No man would know who his children were. A woman, on the other hand, doesn't need monogamy - she can always find a man, and she always knows which children are genuinely hers.
 

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It said that women are attracted to promiscuous men and encouraged cheating because a lack of cheating would signal that the man lacks options. It also said that monogamy doesn't benefit men.
The only thing that would say women are attracted to cheaters and that would encourage men to cheat would be some kind of wacky Pick Up Artist site devoted to nerdy 14 year olds.

Let's not confuse two different principles here. Yes, multiple women being attracted to a man will make that man appear of higher status and value than a man with no women attracted to him.

There is also the concept of "pre-selection" in that if an attractive woman of high status likes a man, that will make other women more accepting of him and less suspicious of him.

From my own personal experience, there have been times that once I got a GF, women seemed to come out of the woodwork with interest. I think many men have experienced that. Pre-selection is actually a pretty powerful force.

But let's not confuse that with promiscuity or especially cheating.

A man that has lots of female attention and admiration but shows discipline and faithfulness and discrimination is a lot more attractive to women than a man who hooks up with everyone he has an opportunity with, especially if it is cheating.

In other words, a man that has lots of options and opportunities but chooses to remain faithful is a lot more desirable than a man with the same number of options and opportunities but hooks up with them all.

Options and opportunities + intentional restraint is usually more attractive than options and opportunities and capitalizing on all those options, especially if it involves cheating.
 

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My wife only gets clingy, or pays me any attention, when another woman shows any interest in me.

The classic example is a waitress flirting with me. My wife gets all jealous and protective of me when this happens. Every single time I have to remind her that she should be flattered, and that the waitress is only vying for a bigger tip! LOL
 

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Discussion Starter #46
You know, we did move on since the time when we were climbing the trees.....
Only somewhat. Our base instincts are still the same as that of a Chimpanzee and other apes.


Did it say WHY monogamy doesn't benefit men specifically...?
No it didn't.
 

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Based on everything I’ve read and experienced- Yes, women are more attracted to men that other women find attractive, men with options. In general, most women want the most attractive (and I don’t mean strictly physical) man they can get. I don’t think most women actually want to be cheated on, but they want a man who is desirable enough that he could but chooses not to. No woman wants to be stuck with a man that no one else wants.
 

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It said that women are attracted to promiscuous men and encouraged cheating because a lack of cheating would signal that the man lacks options. It also said that monogamy doesn't benefit men.
Whatever this is--an article, a study, whatever--it is a load of bovine excrement.

My Beloved Hubby is handsome. I mean, he is BUILT in all the ways that a lady hopes her man will be built (In fact, he has better looking legs than I do!). He is physically attractive, mentally attractive, spiritually attractive, emotionally attractive, and financially fit as a fiddle. He's the whole 9 yards and what every woman my age would wish for...and more. Now I guarantee you that if I said this to his face, he'd giggle and say "Yeah, right" or something humble like that, because I think he sees himself as a guy like most other guys. But trust me, I know that when he divorced his exW, there were woman all over town hoping he would give them a chance. ;)

So I know the man "has options." He could have had his choice of any woman and successfully wined and dined any female companion he wanted. Well ya know what? HE DID! He picked the female companion he wanted and it was me.

Now, I know of one other female person who kinda tries to pursue him periodically. He doesn't see it as her trying, but I'm a lady--I know how lady's think and act, and yup this one gives it a shot every now and then. I don't like it. I feel a little like mate guarding and telling her to step off. But one of the zillion reasons I love and respect Beloved Hubby as I do is because * I * don't have to do that. In him is an innate honorability and understanding of commitment--when he makes a promise by God you can write that thing in stone! So, I don't have a need to growl at her because he guards his own self. And in the end, I'm not his prison guard--if he wants to chase some other woman and show me he has options, yeah...he does. But he won't have the option of me if he starts acting like that!

So yeah...check that study or article or whatever it is right in the circular file. It's baloney. Cheating DESTROYS--it doesn't build attraction. You know what builds attraction? A man who says what he does and does what he says. A man who takes the lead. A man who could have any woman in the world and he picked YOU and made a commitment to YOU and sticks with YOU in front of other women!
 

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Based on everything I’ve read and experienced- Yes, women are more attracted to men that other women find attractive, men with options. In general, most women want the most attractive (and I don’t mean strictly physical) man they can get. I don’t think most women actually want to be cheated on, but they want a man who is desirable enough that he could but chooses not to. No woman wants to be stuck with a man that no one else wants.
And it is not the same for men?
 

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Well eventually he had surgery and started to lose weight, and lo and behold she started cooking lots of crap. He continued to lose weight and he's getting to the point where other women are looking and I don't think she likes that.

He hasn't given any reason to think he's untrustworthy and at least on the surface is completely devoted to her. And I think she genuinely loves him and is glad his health is better, but also struggles with the thought of him having options.

We'll see how it goes.....I hope they come out on top.
Oh that's a mind-eff.
I hadn't even thought of that take on things. I hope she gets to recognize wanting the best for him and feeling more secure within herself.
 

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Eh, not me. It's the highest form of praise. As long as they don't go overboard.
I get you, butI meant the ones who do go overboard. There's one woman (who is married btw) who seems to be very interested in my husband, she goes out of her way to undermine me, exclude me, and implies she doesn't understand why he's attracted to me...lol. She's no threat to me whatsoever, I actually find it comical, but blatant disrespect.
 

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And it is not the same for men?
There are lists that talk about female attractiveness. But not many studies based on a couple pages of google search results. Apparently, guys like a little bit of crazy. I think I would interpret it as an internal "if she sometimes makes questionable decisions, maybe she'll make some of those with me". For women it is more about what they do like smile, be friendly, show curves, and be kind and less peer influence.

I think a big influence is the perceived dangers of dating. I'm probably never going to worry about whether a potential date is dangerous so I don't need or care about independent / peer vetting. I'd be more worried about the dangers of the husband or boyfriend which would discourage the kind of increased interest in the taken individual that the female attraction studies found.
 

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The only thing that would say women are attracted to cheaters and that would encourage men to cheat would be some kind of wacky Pick Up Artist site devoted to nerdy 14 year olds.

Let's not confuse two different principles here. Yes, multiple women being attracted to a man will make that man appear of higher status and value than a man with no women attracted to him.

There is also the concept of "pre-selection" in that if an attractive woman of high status likes a man, that will make other women more accepting of him and less suspicious of him.

From my own personal experience, there have been times that once I got a GF, women seemed to come out of the woodwork with interest. I think many men have experienced that. Pre-selection is actually a pretty powerful force.

But let's not confuse that with promiscuity or especially cheating.

A man that has lots of female attention and admiration but shows discipline and faithfulness and discrimination is a lot more attractive to women than a man who hooks up with everyone he has an opportunity with, especially if it is cheating.

In other words, a man that has lots of options and opportunities but chooses to remain faithful is a lot more desirable than a man with the same number of options and opportunities but hooks up with them all.

Options and opportunities + intentional restraint is usually more attractive than options and opportunities and capitalizing on all those options, especially if it involves cheating.
This is the best answer to that "research". !
 

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One thing that is true about all cheaters, they are cheating on someone with someone else. That means they have at least twice the success of a monogamist.
 

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It's a good thing if your date's friends and family say nice things about her to you. It means it's less likely that she will be conflicted between friends / family and guy in her life.
 

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But frankly isn't this the same for men? Trophy wife, anyone?
The difference is that a man is sexually attracted to women primarily by their physical appearance; the woman's social status isn't very important.

By contrast, ugly men can be sexually attractive to women due to their status, e.g., Lyle Lovett or Keith Richards.
 
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