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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My H knows he has a problem and admits it freely. So far it is not intolerable emotionally (he is usually a pleasant and affectionate when drinking). It is when he is sober that he seems miserable.
He goes thru about 40$ of cheap vodka a payday, plus my wine that he won't leave alone (I like to keep a bottle in the house for when my g-friends come over) and the occasion six pack.
So he drinks every night. Sometimes getting really drunk, sometimes not.
My biggest complaint (other than the horrible example to our 4 kids) is that the alcohol makes his PTSD nightmares flare up. He will go to sleep, then a few hours into it he will 'wake up' and either start saying really messed up stuff, thrash around, or even attack me (I woke up with his hand around my throat once).
He is not conscious during these episodes and has zero memory of them the next day.
It took me a while to figure out that they only happen when he has been drinking heavily, though not always.

The sad part is that he would rather just sleep on the couch when he's been drinking heavily to protect me than to just not drink.

The only bright spot is that he agrees that that is a fvcked up order to have his priorities in.
I believe he is depressed and that he needs to get counseling for the issues behind his drinking. He agrees that these issues are behind his problem, and he will go to counseling, he is just very pessimistic that they will be able to help him at all and doesn't like the idea of someone 'poking around inside his head'.

Not sure how to help him or to allay his mistrust of therapists.
Neither one of us are believers and it seems most alcohol recovery programs depend on someone having a belief in a god.
Finding secular help would go a long way in helping him gain a report with a counselor/program.

Suggestions?
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There is something called SMART recovery. I'm not sure if its based on a higher power or not, but it might be worth looking into. It differs slightly from a regular 12 step program.

I'm sure there are people who attend 12 step programs and they do not look at things from a "higher power" stand point, but they are still able to apply certain steps to their recovery.

http://www.smartrecovery.org/
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
There is something called SMART recovery. I'm not sure if its based on a higher power or not, but it might be worth looking into. It differs slightly from a regular 12 step program.

I'm sure there are people who attend 12 step programs and they do not look at things from a "higher power" stand point, but they are still able to apply certain steps to their recovery.

Self Help Substance Abuse &amp Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®
Thank you. I'll check it out.
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Right. I don't agree with every step of 12 steps, as stated, but I actually do agree overall with most of it and it has been useful to me. And though I can respect your beliefs, there is a "higher power" in that people turn often to substances, activities or particular types of relationships when they "can't maintain". I've heard some say your "higher power" can be whatever, if you don't have a spiritual belief.

I go to church, but my beliefs don't line up anywhere near a lot of what is said, anymore. But I still learn things I didn't know, as long as I am willing to admit I don't know everything and remain open to new evidence.

Hopefully, enough will line up that you can (both) get some useful and effective changes going. And unless stated, I've never been to a 12 step meeting that focused on religion or belief, per se, especially in an invasive or "preachy way".
 

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My Dad went to AA and then he went to Passages I am pretty sure it is called, he did not like AA and for him it did not work, passages changed his life, I know they have some expensive rehab facility in Cali, but my Dad learned the same info from some local group, and apparantly they have a 75% success rate whereas some other groups tend to be in the 20 percent range, as per my Father, if this is incorrect I can edit my chat, I am not trying to offend anyone. I just saw great success with my Dad and he was really happy afterwards too. :) The book this Father and Son who started Passages put out is called "The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure"
 

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You can watch youtube videos on some of the people they have treated, probably celebrities, but that has nothing to do with it, they just approach it from a different angle, maybe there are some smaller groups that practice the same methods in your area. Good Luck! I wish my husband would consider it.
 
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