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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Just talked about this with someone. What do you think? Do you talk to you GF about more important stuff than your hubby? Does he even care? I know some guys that are jealous of how much time their spouse spends on the phone with her GFs but they won't do anything but criticize. It's much harder to admit but I think this hurts a lot of guys and they won't admit it.
 

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For me..... Nope! I have friends and they can say that I rarely chat with them. If im feeling unheard and unimportant I will vent a bit here and sometimes to a friend.
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XW was in a business that required direct contact with others, mostly women. I knew she had to talk with them. I didn't know how much till we separated. I resented her speaking with them about things that were important to us. I do realize we need to "bounce things off of" someone else. I just think I should have been the one she came to first. It got to the point that she didn't talk with me, only others. That was extremely harmful to our relationship.
 

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Wait, are men even capable of listening and talking with their wives the way a gf would? I've been told all my life that they can't and I didn't hear this from women I heard it from men. There so many women complaining that their husband's don't listen to them or talk to them to the point of causing depression from lack of having that need met. Why try to force your husband to chat with you when you could just call up a gf who is willing.
 

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Ironically there are men who complain about thier women talking to someone else about things such as said gf. Thats what the OP is pointing out. Despite hearing from others how "men dont listen" said men are upset when thier wives dont confide in them.
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Wait, are men even capable of listening and talking with their wives the way a gf would? I've been told all my life that they can't and I didn't hear this from women I heard it from men. There so many women complaining that their husband's don't listen to them or talk to them to the point of causing depression from lack of having that need met. Why try to force your husband to chat with you when you could just call up a gf who is willing.
Nearly every morning with a cup of coffee on the porch with my wife. When it was cold, we'd finish the conversation in the kitchen. Oh, I forgot to say we smoked tobacco. So winters were cold, but we talked anyway. We did not smoke inside, only outside.

Nearly every evening until she started her business. Then we didn't talk on a regular basis. There was no schedule. We didn't exactly make a schedule on paper, we just did what we did. We each said what we were planning on doing that day and asked if the other needed something.

This is the way I LOVED it. I knew when this stopped, there was a problem. I just didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know about TAM until she was gone. It was too late then. I was in no condition to learn or do anything. I was lucky I knew how to wipe my arse.
 

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I talk with my best GF about pretty much everything. Especially kid stuff. My H hasn't done the same "work" to prepare for parenthood, so he doesn't tend to have an opinion on stuff. Like, when I'm not sure whether to call the pediatrician, I'll discuss it with H, but he'll always say "I don't know, it's up to you." So I'll call my best GF and we'll hash it out. She does the same with me. I think our husbands are more than happy to delegate this kind of in-depth hashing out to someone else.

Now, my best GF is a wonderful person, so of course that makes a difference. She's a supporter of our marriage and finding solutions to our problems. If she were one of those toxic GFs, I'm sure (I hope anyway) that he wouldn't support the friendship.

But in short, haven't female friends always been primary confidants? If anything's changed here, my guess would be that men care more than they used to. Just a guess though!
 

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I tried talking with exH about a lot of things, thinking that he was my best friend. all that happened was that he used that information against, ie when I expressed concern about this or that friend.

If I expressed concern about how much money we were spending, including on other people, he would think I was selfish.

some of you men make it difficult for us.
 

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Just talked about this with someone. What do you think? Do you talk to you GF about more important stuff than your hubby? Does he even care? I know some guys that are jealous of how much time their spouse spends on the phone with her GFs but they won't do anything but criticize. It's much harder to admit but I think this hurts a lot of guys and they won't admit it.
This is one thing I can say I have never done... I am closer with my husband than any GF, he is a listening dream of a man.. probably a little rare infact.

I have seen this played out with 2 GF's though.... the one's husband was a Farmer, just not there much of the day....I think she was lonely, and she got really close to a single GF (both of them my friends)..they started doing everything together... eventually it even cut into HIS time with his wife... it didn't end well...

Because they got so very close, it caused tensions to rise in the family, the single GF thought she could just discipline their kids as her own... Husband had to put his foot down, feelings were hurt...

Those 2 have not talked in 10 + years over all of that ! And I was the friend in the middle who got to hear both sides of the flame. I can see how the wife was supplementing her emotional needs with this single GF... it's not healthy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Why try to force your husband to chat with you when you could just call up a gf who is willing.
I see your point Tired. It's the "trying to force" part that, as a guy, gets my attention though. Guys are more sensitive than women, on the whole, to being asked to submit. In guy to guy peer relationships, guys are much more attentive than they get credit for...only thing is we are attentive to different things than women are. We care a great deal about what's going on but it's usually about what the pecking order is, and mainly "how do I avoid being on the bottom?" Guys will guard and protect this from happening like we instinctively protect our balls. Manhood is at stake (at least unconsciously). So if you've tried to force a guy to do anything it will have about as good a chance at connecting to him as outcasting a female friend from her peers to try to get her to be more cooperative. The opposite happens.
 
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