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I am a little afraid that I’ll agree to some terms I’m not happy with just to avoid separation
Well there ya go. Compromise your boundaries and you've got jack-sh.

So what exactly are the boundaries you plan to lay out?

And I am in 1000% agreement with @Tdbo. If you compromise on things you don't like just to avoid separation, believe me - you WILL live to regret and resent it.

Look, I'm coming at this from the perspective of a woman. You sound somewhat weak. Women want a man who lays it on the line. Sure, that doesn't mean she won't walk if you lay out what you want in no uncertain terms, but a woman can sense when you are giving her a wide berth just so you can play the pick-me dance. She'll know. And, I assure you, she won't respect you.
 

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Get together with a few high school friends and have some fun?
She will be.... all month.
I work 28/28 schedule as well. I had an electrical guy that was married to a woman like yours ... after divorce he checked in to a mental place for a while. During that time she was nailing 2 of our coworkers.
 

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@Anon76 you are playing with fire and it is a matter of time before someone comes along displays his desire and your wife reciprocates.

Not acknowledging she is married on FB or wearing her wedding ring are both disrespectful to you and your marriage. You talk about boundaries but she has already walked all over them and you let her. it is time for you to man up for goodness sake.
She got fit and attractive and none of it was for you, can't you see that and how screwed up this whole scenario is.

I cannot see how this kind of attention on social media is even healthy!
She needs a 'come to Jesus' moment because you have been feeding into her bullshit from day 1 and making excuses. Yeah you love her but to be honest, a man who loves his woman, will not let anyone else come sniffing around and will protect what he has. You are weak and are not doing that. In fact to her that is probably totally unattractive but she is getting some weired kick out of humiliating you, yes it is humiliating, you also cannot see that?

You need to change tactics and say you are not happy with her not wearing her wedding ring, seeking attention of other guys, etc. Tell her if she doe not value you feelings nor the marriage then two can play that game.
Then you do the hard 180 on her. Lose interest in anything she is doing, start going out as many nights a week as you can, with whomever, join the gym, just do not be available to her. Limit your communication with her, keep it formal. Do not let her know what you are doing, where you are going, etc. Build yourself into a man who values himself and takes no bullshit. Take back your manhood and stop being a doormat.

If it all goes south which it will with this carry on, then at least you will be a man any woman would be proud to wear a ring from.
 

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IMO: You are not taking a stand because you know deep down that she is going to continue with her attention-seeking spree no matter what you say. Her psyche is out-of-control. I'm thinking you should be really worried because of the unknown changes with regard to her previous behavior. The previous woman is gone. What if her tests show nothing. Should we be hoping for a small tumor on part of the pituitary system?

Is perhaps she taking some OTC vitamins, minerals, amino acids, etc. that would not show up in a chemistry panel? There are all kinds of concoctions and potions that folks 'use' to enhance their looks--some even absorbed through the skin.

She says openly removing signs of marriage increases her chances of being considered hot or hit on and she rebuffs the man or woman. This is a dangerous game she is playing--she could be hurt. No reason for you to copy-cat her if you choose not to. But you could wear your ring only when she wears hers and similar things.

Addiction to praise is related to lack of comfort with self. However, she doesn't just want praise, she wants extraordinary male/female responses. Sexual turn-on. She actually sounds like, to put it crudely, she is in heat.

What would you do if your daughter was acting like this? What would you think of the woman who came on to you and/or acted like she does? If the cost is great enough, she could quit--with therapy. If she refuses, what you do doesn't matter anyway. Can't imagine your anxiety while you are gone a month. Sorry for your pain--I know it is there.
 

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I’m not really sure. I guess I was looking for confirmation that some women go through a similar situation at some points. I really think it’s a midlife crisis or some sort of chemical imbalance. She wants to quit as much as I want her to quit.
No woman I know has ever gone through anything like this. I'm furious for you, what your wife is doing is beyond disrespectful. I can't even...

My husband is one of the most laid back people you could meet, easy going, flexible, supportive. No way in hades would he sit by and allow me to do this. Wow. And if he started talking about wanting to go out with groups of women, I'd be "don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out buddy".
 

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I totally agree with this!
Also her behavior shows a total disrespect for you and your marriage!
And she is a therapist? Ugh!

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk
My wife is a Doctor of Psychology. And she knows that she doesn't require help, generally. And when she did seek help she was able to manipulate the lowly qualified counsellor by giving them exactly what information they required to form the conclusions she wanted them to form.
 

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I’m on tam four years and I honestly cannot remember a weaker man than the op in this thread. His wife is telling him she wants to cheat and he’s giving her the go ahead.
Does he honestly think his wife isn’t banging these guys while he’s away from home for weeks at a time.
Men don’t hang around a woman like her, giving compliments etc without some result at the end of the night. And now we learn that the op is away for a month? FFS.
Hire a PI at the very least and find out what’s really going on.
 

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By the time I get home, I’ll have been gone a month. I’m ready to be home at this point.
A month is a very long time. I'd be very curious to see what your homecoming is going to look like. Will she jump your bones immediately because it's been at least a month since she's had sex? She should be raring to go with all of the copious flirting she's done in your absence.

I do hope you report back to us.
 

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She tried it. She actually got off of FB for awhile, but she missed the attention and started again. She compares it to a drug addiction. Asking a heroine addict to just quit doesn’t generally go well. She’s addicted to the attention.
The problem with addiction is that over time, the addict has to do higher and higher doses in order to get that high that they are after.

she just needs some time to get through this phase on needing to feel hot and desired by others. And again, it’s not all men. She loves the attention from women too.
This is not a phase that she will get through. Soon, just having others tell her that she is hot will not deliver the same "high" and she will increase the dose by allowing others to touch her which will eventually turn into her sleeping with others in order to get the high that she craves. This is your future dude. You don't battle addiction by feeding it.
 

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I have a question. Who are these people in the outside world telling this wife so frequently that she's attractive and giving her so much attention? OP said it's not bars she's going to. This is a woman in her 40s I'm guessing.

Where in the outside world and from whom does she get so much attention? I mean, not just going by my experiences, but I'm around people in life and I don't observe this happening like this.

Color me confused about someone receiving such a constant stream of attention and praise.
 

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She encourages me to go out with friends as well. She has even said it can be females because it’s only fair. She doesn’t want me to sit at home and be miserable.
Realize this statement is to only make your concerns invalid and what your W is doing as ok.
 

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I’ve asked before, she just says she wants us each to have our own group of friends, separate from each other. Sometimes it’s healthy to have a little separation like that.

She’s not marked as single on her profile, she just made the relationship status to where only a handful of people can see it. (She’s still linked to my account, she’s just hidden it from public view).
I agree that some separation of friends is healthy. However, my friends are male. We talk men things. My W friends are female. They talk female things. We both certainly do not look for validation with our looks, etc from the opposite sex. I need to look great from one single person in my life. That is my W. My W daily gets herself together(as the say) every morning(even days she is not going out) to look good for me. She will say that from time to time. Your W certainly has an odd perception on what truly is valid in her life.
 

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Realize this statement is to only make your concerns invalid and what your W is doing as ok.
Agreed, this noise from her is merely window dressing.
If you go out with friends, especially females, she is going to feel threatened because her fall back option is gaining some traction. This is going to make her queasy.
She'll get over her need for "Feelz" real quick if she sees the power dynamic switching.
It's past time for the OP to get his "Ballz" on and take charge of his relationship and his destiny.
 

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I asked her to not hang out with male friends, because it made me uncomfortable. A few of them were inappropriate and obviously only wanted one thing from her. Luckily, she noticed this as well and told those creeps to go to hell. She stopped for a short while but just said she needs to be able to go out and have fun with friends sometimes.

She went to a doctor recently for a complete work upto see if anything is wrong. We’re currently awaiting results.
Ok, so at least you guys are not sitting idle, and trying to figure out if there is a medical reason for this. But yeah, no offense to guys, but if a guy is generally hanging out with a woman, it's for one thing, unfortunately, and it's not just friendship lol. I think that's a given.
 

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She has promised me, which I 100% believe because she is basically incapable of lying, that she has zero desire to have a relationship with anyone else.
Good lord. What turnip truck did YOU just fall off of?

Am I wrong to be upset? Am I wrong for agreeing to allow this behavior for her happiness? Am I wrong for wanting her to acknowledge our marriage on Facebook? Are my feelings misplaced? She agrees that her actions are selfish and hurtful, but she doesn’t want to stop because it makes her feel so good and she’s afraid of falling into depression again. Are these normal feelings she’s feeling? Please help!!!
The most important question you didn't ask was, "do I have a spine?"

The answer to that is a resounding "no."

Do you enjoy keeping your head buried in the sand because it's so nice and warm around your ears? You seriously need to take the blinders OFF. Then you need to find your testicles and put them back in place. Lastly, you need to find your damned spine and start commanding the respect you deserve! All this weak-willed whining and teeth gnashing and hand wringing is what women do when they watch soap operas for God's sakes.
 

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Discussion Starter #97
So, some test results have come in. Not enough to be 100% conclusive yet, but initial results lean towards there being an issue causing inflammation on the brain. More tests are being run to identify if it is what the Dr. suspects. After a steroid shot, she seems to be feeling much better. She has already made a preliminary agreement to start wearing her ring again and has remarked herself as married on Facebook.
I would not say the situation is completely taken care of yet, but things seem to be well in their way. We will still be having a serious talk about acceptable behavior, but I am hopeful that we have found a root cause at this point.
 

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So, some test results have come in. Not enough to be 100% conclusive yet, but initial results lean towards there being an issue causing inflammation on the brain. More tests are being run to identify if it is what the Dr. suspects. After a steroid shot, she seems to be feeling much better. She has already made a preliminary agreement to start wearing her ring again and has remarked herself as married on Facebook.
I would not say the situation is completely taken care of yet, but things seem to be well in their way. We will still be having a serious talk about acceptable behavior, but I am hopeful that we have found a root cause at this point.
Well, it is at least reassuring to learn that there is a medical component to it.
However (and I think you know) do not discount the emotional/psychological component to this.
The changes she made, did she make them of her own volition, or as the result of a demand from you?
Do not let up. Stay on offense.
I hope for your sake you headed something off before it became terminal (physically and marriage wise.)
 

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Discussion Starter #99
Well, it is at least reassuring to learn that there is a medical component to it.
However (and I think you know) do not discount the emotional/psychological component to this.
The changes she made, did she make them of her own volition, or as the result of a demand from you?
Do not let up. Stay on offense.
I hope for your sake you headed something off before it became terminal (physically and marriage wise.)
It was mainly a health thing. She started having panic attacks in fear of dying due to being unhealthy. So it was never really about looking better, it was about being healthier. The looks just came along with it.
 

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It was mainly a health thing. She started having panic attacks in fear of dying due to being unhealthy. So it was never really about looking better, it was about being healthier. The looks just came along with it.
Did she agree to start wearing her wedding ring and restore her married status on FB on her own volition, or did she agree to do so after you brought it up? I ask because it speaks to her coming out of her self imposed self-centered fog, and perhaps demonstrating some remorse for her actions.
 
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