We have set a time to sit down and draw fair boundary lines. This coming after I return from a business trip and after the results from her tests are in. We have, in the mean time, drawn boundary lines to get us by until that conversation can happen. She is completely willing to enter a discussion to set clear and fair boundaries for the sake of the marriage. It’s something we discuss every single day.There is not necessarily anything wrong with having some separate friends.
My wife and I do as well.
However, she doesn't hang out with guys, and I don't hang out with women.
We do this out of respect for each other and our relationship.
I think the context of the situation makes the whole thing appear nefarious.
I could see a situation where you might not participate in activities all the time, but to be totally excluded? Not good.
No one else in this group thinks this is strange? Are all these people single, or are there a mix of married people?
Do they not think that it is strange that you are excluded? There are many other questions that can be asked, but these are the key ones.
At least she hasn't declared her self as single on FB, but her actions can enable one to draw a different conclusion.
I would be happy to be wrong here, but I don't see this whole thing boding well for you.
You have two plays here: 1) "Man" up, nip it in the bud and cooperatively come up with a scenario with proper boundaries where she can get what she needs, while allows you to feel respected and "safe" in the relationship. or 2) You give her exactly what she is giving you. Get some new clothes, go to the gym, new haircut, go on a real self improvement kick. Have your own life as well. Make her "Plan B", like she has you. Frankly, that might be your best play. She doesn't think you have the guts to do it. If you do it, she most likely will feel the threat, will comprehend where you are coming from, and will adjust her attitude accordingly.
Either way, you need to do something quickly, before it is too late (if it isn't already.)
As for your other question, it’s a mixed group. Some single, some married. Some couples come together, some leave their spouse at home. It’s a group that has been friends since high school and they have just kept that same circle so to speak.