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My wife and I have been married for 15 years. I have always felt that we have a rock solid relationship with no real problems. A few months back, my wife started having some bouts of depression. There were days she just got down and didn’t care. Over the past few years, she has also worked very very hard to get into shape. She is in amazing shape now and looks phenomenal. A month or two after she began having her fight with depression, she started posting selfies, and began getting very positive feedback from friends. This, of course, have her a bit of a confidence boost and she started feeling a little better. There were a couple of creeps who would heart react every selfie and post inappropriate comments. I noted how uncomfortable I was with this and she deleted these people saying if it hurts me, it hurts her too. Overtime, she stopped posting selfies in her wall and moved more towards just posting in her Facebook stories. She began receiving multiple messages and friend requests everyday. She was very up front and told me she absolutely loves the attention and has had zero feelings of depression since she’s been getting this attention. I swallowed my pride and didn’t say much because it made her happy, even though it was hurting me. That eventually developed into a craving for social interaction. She was yes to go hang out with friends by herself without me, because she needed time to herself to get away from the family setting and have fun with friends. Which I get, but the main problem is, mostly all of these old friends from high school are men. She saw it was absolutely killing me, and proposed a break so she can have her fun without it hurting me. I explained my feelings and desire to just stay together. She has promised me, which I 100% believe because she is basically incapable of lying, that she has zero desire to have a relationship with anyone else. She just has developed a craving for this attention that she cannot give up. It has gotten to the point that she removed mention of our marriage in Facebook and will not wear her wedding ring when she’s out with friends because it may cause her to get less attention. We discuss it almost daily. She desperately hopes it’s just a faze that will eventually die off, but she is unwilling to stop in the mean time for fear of falling back into depression. Again, I do not believe she is cheating whatsoever. I do perhaps fear overtime she will develop a connection with somebody else, but I know she has no desire to sleep with them. She just craves their attention. Am I wrong to be upset? Am I wrong for agreeing to allow this behavior for her happiness? Am I wrong for wanting her to acknowledge our marriage on Facebook? Are my feelings misplaced? She agrees that her actions are selfish and hurtful, but she doesn’t want to stop because it makes her feel so good and she’s afraid of falling into depression again. Are these normal feelings she’s feeling? Please help!!!
 

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Nope, NOT appropriate at all. Sounds to me like she is a bit manic, and depression is NOT her only issue.
Her going out to "hang out" with guy friends? WHAT? Nope, not without you especially if she is wanting all this attention.
I BET her actions while out doing this would not pass the husband (or even boyfriend) test.
You are NOT wrong to be upset, and I feel you should NOT allow her to do this. Taking OFF that she is married? Taking OFF her wedding rings? The message she is trying to give is that she is available and just waiting for guys to come on to her.
IF she is afraid of "falling into depression" that needs to be discussed with her Dr or counselor -- NOT by having guys drool all over her. This is just asking for problems -- and in fact there are ALREADY problems.

", which I 100% believe because she is basically incapable of lying, "
SO EVERY betrayed spouse has said on theses forums and elsewhere. You have her on a pedestal and THAT needs to be stopped asap.
 

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Nope, NOT appropriate at all. Sounds to me like she is a bit manic, and depression is NOT her only issue.
Her going out to "hang out" with guy friends? WHAT? Nope, not without you especially if she is wanting all this attention.
I BET her actions doing this would not pass the husband (or even boyfriend) test.
You are NOT wrong to be upset, and I feel you should NOT allow her to do this. Taking OFF that she is married? Taking OFF her wedding rings? The message she is trying to give is that she is available and just waiting for guys to come on to her.
IF she is afraid of "falling into depression" that needs to be discussed with her Dr or counselor -- NOT by having guys drool all over her. This is just asking for problems -- and in fact there are ALREADY problems.

", which I 100% believe because she is basically incapable of lying, "
SO EVERY betrayed spouse has said on theses forums and elsewhere. You have her on a pedestal and THAT needs to be stopped asap.
She’s already in the medical profession, specifically mental health, a psychologist. She’s not really interested in counseling because that’s what she does and she already knows everything they’ll tell her to try and she’s tried it. She’s had some other medical tests run and is awaiting those results. She’s hoping something can be found as the culprit. Because this is honestly a complete 180 of how she’s felt her entire life. We’re well aware something is off but not sure what.

Im well aware most people say they trust their spouse, but I honestly can say I do. She’s been 100% upfront and honest about the entire thing. She wants it to stop as much as I do, but also is loving having the attention she’s never had.
 

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Your wife has her ass in the store window just waiting for the right man, then you and your marriage will be history.
I’m not surprised she’s behaving like this actually because you have shown her that she can do anything she wants and you will “support” her. How could any woman possibly have any respect for a husband who would put up with this crap.
Either find your balls or else get a lawyer.
 

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She’s already in the medical profession, specifically mental health, a psychologist. She’s not really interested in counseling because that’s what she does and she already knows everything they’ll tell her to try and she’s tried it. She’s had some other medical tests run and is awaiting those results. She’s hoping something can be found as the culprit. Because this is honestly a complete 180 of how she’s felt her entire life. We’re well aware something is off but not sure what.

Im well aware most people say they trust their spouse, but I honestly can say I do. She’s been 100% upfront and honest about the entire thing. She wants it to stop as much as I do, but also is loving having the attention she’s never had.
Clinical depression is NOT a "psychologist" thing -- it is a medical Dr or psychiatrist thing. True depression is a chemical issue, not something you can just "talk out" of your system. She does NOT need counseling for depression, she needs MEDICAL care for depression.
You say that she is 180 of how she's been her whole life, and something is off. Well, you say that she's been 100% honest -- so do you know EVERYTHING she's done while out with all these guys with no wedding rings on? I doubt it. You may know what SHE says she does, but do you REALLY know? Have a PI watch her on these excursions for a while -- I bet you will be shocked at what you find. She MAY have been 100% truthful, but since she has changed, you really CANNOT be sure of that....
 

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My wife and I have been married for 15 years. I have always felt that we have a rock solid relationship with no real problems. A few months back, my wife started having some bouts of depression. There were days she just got down and didn’t care. Over the past few years, she has also worked very very hard to get into shape. She is in amazing shape now and looks phenomenal. A month or two after she began having her fight with depression, she started posting selfies, and began getting very positive feedback from friends. This, of course, have her a bit of a confidence boost and she started feeling a little better. There were a couple of creeps who would heart react every selfie and post inappropriate comments. I noted how uncomfortable I was with this and she deleted these people saying if it hurts me, it hurts her too. Overtime, she stopped posting selfies in her wall and moved more towards just posting in her Facebook stories. She began receiving multiple messages and friend requests everyday. She was very up front and told me she absolutely loves the attention and has had zero feelings of depression since she’s been getting this attention. I swallowed my pride and didn’t say much because it made her happy, even though it was hurting me. That eventually developed into a craving for social interaction. She was yes to go hang out with friends by herself without me, because she needed time to herself to get away from the family setting and have fun with friends. Which I get, but the main problem is, mostly all of these old friends from high school are men. She saw it was absolutely killing me, and proposed a break so she can have her fun without it hurting me. I explained my feelings and desire to just stay together. She has promised me, which I 100% believe because she is basically incapable of lying, that she has zero desire to have a relationship with anyone else. She just has developed a craving for this attention that she cannot give up. It has gotten to the point that she removed mention of our marriage in Facebook and will not wear her wedding ring when she’s out with friends because it may cause her to get less attention. We discuss it almost daily. She desperately hopes it’s just a faze that will eventually die off, but she is unwilling to stop in the mean time for fear of falling back into depression. Again, I do not believe she is cheating whatsoever. I do perhaps fear overtime she will develop a connection with somebody else, but I know she has no desire to sleep with them. She just craves their attention. Am I wrong to be upset? Am I wrong for agreeing to allow this behavior for her happiness? Am I wrong for wanting her to acknowledge our marriage on Facebook? Are my feelings misplaced? She agrees that her actions are selfish and hurtful, but she doesn’t want to stop because it makes her feel so good and she’s afraid of falling into depression again. Are these normal feelings she’s feeling? Please help!!!

You W should be craving your attention. Dumping that she may go back into depression if she does not get the attention on your lap is crap.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Clinical depression is NOT a "psychologist" thing -- it is a medical Dr or psychiatrist thing. True depression is a chemical issue, not something you can just "talk out" of your system. She does NOT need counseling for depression, she needs MEDICAL care for depression.
You say that she is 180 of how she's been her whole life, and something is off. Well, you say that she's been 100% honest -- so do you know EVERYTHING she's done while out with all these guys with no wedding rings on? I doubt it. You may know what SHE says she does, but do you REALLY know? Have a PI watch her on these excursions for a while -- I bet you will be shocked at what you find. She MAY have been 100% truthful, but since she has changed, you really CANNOT be sure of that....
You’re right, I could be wrong. But I choose to believe her because I still trust her. I feel 100% confident she will not cheat. I guess I’m just wondering if this is a normal type of phase some women go through. And if you knew 100% your wife would remain faithful, would you still have a problem with these actions?
 

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She saw it was absolutely killing me, and proposed a break so she can have her fun without it hurting me.

What does that even mean? Have her fun?


It has gotten to the point that she removed mention of our marriage in Facebook and will not wear her wedding ring when she’s out with friends because it may cause her to get less attention.

This is totally inappropriate. Has she seen a psychiatrist? Maybe she needs her chemicals balanced? That or she's having some sort of a mid-life crisis.
 

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I asked her to not hang out with male friends, because it made me uncomfortable. A few of them were inappropriate and obviously only wanted one thing from her. Luckily, she noticed this as well and told those creeps to go to hell. She stopped for a short while but just said she needs to be able to go out and have fun with friends sometimes.

She went to a doctor recently for a complete work upto see if anything is wrong. We’re currently awaiting results.
 

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She wants it to stop as much as I do, but also is loving having the attention she’s never had.
Would your W be ok with you getting the attention from other women that you never had?(maybe you have. I don't know) Ask your W and see what her reaction is.

This entire story reminds me of a movie where a the W received a boob job and kept opening her shirt to strangers asking what they think. It was "Summer Rental" with John Candy.

Sorry you are in this situation.
 

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As a psychologist your wife should be familiar with what I have to say.

The attention she gets from FB, texting, posting, getting smilies etc is addictive. The attention triggers the same centers in the brain as heroin.

Plus: old high school friends are high risk for infidelity (something else she should be aware of). This is very unfair to you. Typically contact triggers a feeling of being young again which is also a feeling that's difficult to let go of.

Finally, the answer is for her to stop all social media. She's addicted the attention and she needs to shut down the source.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Would your W be ok with you getting the attention from other women that you never had?(maybe you have. I don't know) Ask your W and see what her reaction is.

This entire story reminds me of a movie where a the W received a boob job and kept opening her shirt to strangers asking what they think. It was "Summer Rental" with John Candy.

Sorry you are in this situation.
We have discussed that. She admits that the way she feels is wrong, but she doesn’t want to change it. She said she would be absolutely destroyed if I were to remove marriage labels on Facebook, etc, but cannot be mad because she is doing it. Though she has said she would have zero issue with me hanging out with female friends in a platonic setting, which is what she’s asking for. She just wants to be told she’s good looking by other men when she’s out.
 

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I asked her to not hang out with male friends, because it made me uncomfortable. A few of them were inappropriate and obviously only wanted one thing from her. Luckily, she noticed this as well and told those creeps to go to hell. She stopped for a short while but just said she needs to be able to go out and have fun with friends sometimes.

She went to a doctor recently for a complete work upto see if anything is wrong. We’re currently awaiting results.
My W goes out with friends for fun. All female friends.
 

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I still trust her. I feel 100% confident she will not cheat
Boy if I only had a dollar for every time I heard a clueless man say that on this forum.

As I always say: The majority of men are mentally weaker than women when it comes to relationships. They will cling to desperation when the obvious is already in front of their face.

You sir are being played for a fool and you have taken the bait ....hook, line, and sinker.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
As a psychologist your wife should be familiar with what I have to say.

The attention she gets from FB, texting, posting, getting smilies etc is addictive. The attention triggers the same centers in the brain as heroin.

Plus: old high school friends are high risk for infidelity (something else she should be aware of). This is very unfair to you. Typically contact triggers a feeling of being young again which is also a feeling that's difficult to let go of.

Finally, the answer is for her to stop all social media. She's addicted the attention and she needs to shut down the source.
100% what she has said. It’s addicting, like a drug. She knows it’s bad and doesn’t want to stop. She did take a short break, but ended up getting back on again.
 

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We have discussed that. She admits that the way she feels is wrong, but she doesn’t want to change it. She said she would be absolutely destroyed if I were to remove marriage labels on Facebook, etc, but cannot be mad because she is doing it. Though she has said she would have zero issue with me hanging out with female friends in a platonic setting, which is what she’s asking for. She just wants to be told she’s good looking by other men when she’s out.
Your W has some real self esteem issues. Sadly, you W should really only desire what you think of her. Is your answer to your W about her looks when asked null and void because you are married to your W? Does your W tell you you are supposed to say she looks great because you are her H? Like a robot with a canned answer? If your W does do you feel your opinion about her looks is worthless?
 

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Discussion Starter #20
My W goes out with friends for fun. All female friends.
She goes out with female friends too. It’s not that it’s exclusively male friends she goes out with. She also likes getting hit on by the women too. She’s addicted to the feeling she gets when she’s told she’s good looking. She was always the smart friend, not the hot one. Now she’s the hot one type of deal.
 
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