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Yesterday, I triggered again. Why....because I found a mouse in my apartment, I put down some sticky paper and within the hour the mouse was....well...history.

I triggered because I had mentioned this mouse problem before; I use regulalry electromagentic devices.....which, obviously are not enough. I do not want to use poison as I don't want mice dying within the walls. so that leaves mouse traps and sticky paper.


and my fiancé wants to "joke" that I am a sadistic woman.

We were going to a performance yesterday but I just had to mention how upset the memory made me since I had to take care of it.

Anyone else having to deal with remarks made in gest that seemed more a like a set up.......ie, she can be sadistic person, therefore, what does it matter what I do.....
 

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Pest control isn't sadistic. I guess if I found any truth to the joke it may bother me, but I mostly think in linear terms. Sadism and pest control just don't jibe to be.
 

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I was a poor "joker" early in our marriage. Wife had to, repeatedly, let me know where the line was. Yes, I think part was to I was young but also we had different line placements. How did he react when you told him? Was the first time?

As to mice, and this comes from guy who has more than one occasion shrieked at the sight of a mouse, one word, cat.
 

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I have a serious problem with "jokes" that reveal the speaker's thoughts but are used to deliver a hurtful message without taking responsibility.

For instance, if your guy really does think you're mean and uses the mouse thing to "joke" that you're sadistic, then I'd see it as him trying to hurt you and make himself look innocent in the process. Yes, I'd be furious about it if it was me and wouldn't take much of that at all.

But if I knew he thinks I'm a kind person and I know that there's not a grain of truth about him thinking I'm sadistic, it wouldn't bother me at all.
 

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Cats are great if a) you aren't allergic, or b) you happen to like them or c) both.

As low maintenance as cats can be lots of people don't care for them as pets.

Sticky paper is a good way to dispose of mice. At least it gets them OUT of the walls. The thought of dead mice in the walls gives me the heebie jeebies.
 

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You can't have comedy without tragedy. Someone always suffers from humor.
 

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Could you tell his intent? I mean, was there a hint of "admiration" that you did this? When you first started telling your story I assumed you were a man who's wife was emasculating him for not killing the mouse properly. So when I realized you are a woman, I tried to put myself in your husband's shoes. I've often joked about our cat being a little killer, always with a bit of admiration that she still has that killer instinct. Do you feel guilty about killing a mouse?
 

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Two words: "Live Traps".

Then you are not "sadistic" you are humane and lovely for the kindness you show to sentient beings.

Cats, by comparison to other animals, suck as mousers. While I wouldn't recommend letting a snake hunt them out, I have seen cats A: leave live/dying mice as little "gifts" for you. B: kill and dismember mice, leaving behind pieces of the mouse that weren't delectable enough to eat. C: absolutely nothing. LoL!! Growing up, I had a cat named Misty who would bring me mice and lizards. To my room. Once leaving a lizard head on my bed.

I do not like cats. LoL!
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I have a serious problem with "jokes" that reveal the speaker's thoughts but are used to deliver a hurtful message without taking responsibility.
I agree completely. The follow-up responses can also be very telling... Especially if they include, "you're too sensitive", "I can't even joke with you", "you have to get a sense of humor". To me, if these things followed, I would feel "secondarily" put-down... As if the first "jokes" weren't enough.

OP, hopefully your hubby didn't react that way...
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I took alot of jokes from my stbxh...and his friends.

I had to repeatedly tell him that(although I usually could take a joke, that sometimes it got old) Especially when I became pregnant( Hed always joke about other women being prettier than me...and usually I wouldve just played along and say "Yeah shes pretty hot" or whatever, but at that point in time, I felt vulnerable and insecure about my looks and he'd always cross the line.


His friends would insult my intelligence because I was a woman and always said things like "Get back in the kitchen" or "Dont you have to clean something?" or they all would joke, telling my him that he better "keep me in line" (usually insinuating that he should beat me)


It just gets hurtful after awhile.
 

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I took alot of jokes from my stbxh...and his friends.

I had to repeatedly tell him that(although I usually could take a joke, that sometimes it got old) Especially when I became pregnant( Hed always joke about other women being prettier than me...and usually I wouldve just played along and say "Yeah shes pretty hot" or whatever, but at that point in time, I felt vulnerable and insecure about my looks and he'd always cross the line.


His friends would insult my intelligence because I was a woman and always said things like "Get back in the kitchen" or "Dont you have to clean something?" or they all would joke, telling my him that he better "keep me in line" (usually insinuating that he should beat me)


It just gets hurtful after awhile.
Ugg. I'm guilty of this. I've said before 'honey the men are talking now, why don't you refill our beers'. But it truly was just a joke. I said the same thing to my mother. And we weren't even drinking beer.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Could you tell his intent? I mean, was there a hint of "admiration" that you did this? When you first started telling your story I assumed you were a man who's wife was emasculating him for not killing the mouse properly. So when I realized you are a woman, I tried to put myself in your husband's shoes. I've often joked about our cat being a little killer, always with a bit of admiration that she still has that killer instinct. Do you feel guilty about killing a mouse?
I don't feel guilty about killing a mouse. I use sticky paper and when I see them stuck to the paper I throw them in the trash and put it outside in the trash bin. My fiance tried to promote the idea of using the spring traps as they don't live as long after getting caught and therefore more humane.

But I think and I have been caught with this before in other situations that this is more of a set up to demonise me.

We had this discussion about mice earlier in our relationship when he was still in contact with his just a friend ex. And I recall, it was one of things he brought last year, the night his just a friend ex had a St. Pat's day pub crawl to which he was not invited. It was interestingly, the first time we had spent a Sunday together as our rhythm up to then was Friday to Sunday morning.

I called him on it later on also adding the fact that I knew that that weekend was particularly in his relationship with his EA (just a friend ex).

Just interested in other people's experiences when situation is used to demonise you to justify your partner's (or anyone else's for that) choice of actions.
 

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Ugg. I'm guilty of this. I've said before 'honey the men are talking now, why don't you refill our beers'. But it truly was just a joke. I said the same thing to my mother. And we weren't even drinking beer.
Dont feel bad. I could usually take jokes.

But they went on and on and on.

And I just wished that once, he would've just been like "Okay guys, knock it off"

But instead he used my insecurities against me.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Dont feel bad. I could usually take jokes.

But they went on and on and on.

And I just wished that once, he would've just been like "Okay guys, knock it off"

But instead he used my insecurities against me.
Some remarks can be funny or charming, once or twice but they can get old fast.
 
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