Anyone else dreading the holidays?

yes so much. MH and OW were starting to talk right around christmas last year.

My H and I are separated and trying to R. We are going to have him sleep over on Christmas Eve because I do not want the kids to think that they get two Christmases, for at least this year (I hope we can R but you never know).
I am looking forward to putting up the trimmings because I hold dear at least the honest wonderful Holidays spent with my children. If I think about him and what he has done and even let that touch my thoughts of the Holidays with the children it would forever ruin even those memories and I will not let what he has done in the past ruin that. Nope those memories are mine and he can not taint them too I won't let him.
(wow sorry got a little heated there)

hurtingbadly said:

Last Christmas I looked like a skeleton. This Christmas I'm chubby. Both reflections for the emotional state I'm in. (Ya, I went from not being able to eat and throwing up what I did to eating for comfort...)

The holidays you're supposed to be happy, it's supposed to be a time where you're with family.

And I'm not happy and our family is still a mess, maybe even more so.

All the ornaments on the tree, signifying special times in our marriage, family... All those years are now dust. All those years were lies. I dread putting it up.

Wow, just typing this... How depressing. Sorry.

Click to expand...

I wouldn't put the tree up with the old decorations. I'd start a new tree, and I'd make him go find the decorations for it. Let him help you rebuild with new memories.

Take care of yourself. Don't let your hurt emotions hurt your body.

Ovid said:

I wouldn't put the tree up with the old decorations. I'd start a new tree, and I'd make him go find the decorations for it. Let him help you rebuild with new memories.

Take care of yourself. Don't let your hurt emotions hurt your body.

Click to expand...

A really great idea:smthumbup::iagree:

I think that sometimes we forget that we can choose to "start Over" at any point in our lives and traditions can be changed or let go.

Get some globes and glitter pens. Start putting things on them that inspire you, make you feel cheerful. Maybe even the moments that you cherish from childhood.
If I could make on right now it would say, "Silent Night" my favorite Christmas song from when I was a child to now. And has nothing to do with the hurtful past IDK just a thought after reading that post.

no I can't wait - my ex completely ruined Xmas last year, I don't really like most of his family and I will be spending Xmas with my family only, no driving back and forth and doing one day with this lot and another day with that lot

this is the first Xmas I've looked forward to for years

I'm crazy excited for new Christmas plans.Reinventing the meaning of Christmas and tradition for myself

Get rid of the old! Do something totally new for yourself! If you don't want to decorate,then don't decorate.If you want to sit in your jammies eating junk food and watching comedies all day...then do it Make it your own and focus on the future rather than the past. Easier said I realize but it WILL get better.

Kurosity said:

A really great idea:smthumbup::iagree:

I think that sometimes we forget that we can choose to "start Over" at any point in our lives and traditions can be changed or let go.

Get some globes and glitter pens. Start putting things on them that inspire you, make you feel cheerful. Maybe even the moments that you cherish from childhood.
If I could make on right now it would say, "Silent Night" my favorite Christmas song from when I was a child to now. And has nothing to do with the hurtful past IDK just a thought after reading that post.

Click to expand...

We're on the same page.

When I took my WW back I told her we were starting a new M. She ended the old one. This is a new one from the beginning. It helped her realize how much was lost. It helped me to let go of some of the hurt.

If there's a thing that's painful to deal with don't be afraid to scrap it and start freash.

I am dreading it. Dreading spending the day alone, with nothing but my own actions staring back at me.

I am going to try to win my wife back still. Hopeless maybe. I am reading the BS posts hoping to find out what it takes.

Yes....i have no family, no husband and my friends are busy.

Guess i can do something with my dogs. Maybe take a trip? I don't know, trying not to think about it....

I'm not looking foward to Thanksgiving or Christmas,last year I spent them alone,my wife was knee deep in her EA and wanting to "date" the POSOM.
I was too embarrassed to be around my family or hers(dont like the mil,anyway,she physically abused my wife through out her life,even holding a knife to her throat for uneaten peas on her plate).
I'm hoping to make new memories this year but its still going to be uncomfortable getting the Families together with her A hanging over me.
Posted via Mobile Device

dreading Thanksgiving! This year we are hosting all of my family- 16 ppl for dinner. I usually say the prayer and say what I am thankful for, particularly my family and wife. This year I don't know what to say.

I can only imagine what she will be going through. (She strayed and I exposed). We are trying to R.

Last Christmas was awful. That was when I couldn't be the rock anymore and just crumbled. It just seemed like such a sham after what she had done. It was all I could do not to totally lose it in front of the kids, I had to keep escaping.

It makes me nauseous just to think about it. Our Thanksgiving comes earlier, and it is more associated with my birthday, so it didn't bother me at all. I think doing something different, as a family sounds like a great idea though!

Im hoping for better this year. Last christmas he was neck deep in his EA. He had put off taking any vacation all year because he wanted to go to work to see her so come Dec he was kind of forced to stay home for some time off and so he did. He sat home and thought about her and it was so obvious. Then after Christmas, he couldnt wait to get back to her....

So, now we are trying to R. Hopefully not too much triggering and we can make some new memories to cover up those nasty ones. Same goes for Thanksgiving and my birthday and New years....

SadandAngry said:

Last Christmas was awful. That was when I couldn't be the rock anymore and just crumbled. It just seemed like such a sham after what she had done. It was all I could do not to totally lose it in front of the kids, I had to keep escaping.

It makes me nauseous just to think about it. Our Thanksgiving comes earlier, and it is more associated with my birthday, so it didn't bother me at all. I think doing something different, as a family sounds like a great idea though!

Click to expand...

Goodness, this sounds familiar. I kept going to the bathroom during Christmas 'celebration' all day long just to collect myself. To tell myself to breathe. That this was for the kids and that one way or another soon this was all gonna be over. I think I took maybe 8-9 trips to the bathroom and just sat in the floor for 5 minutes and talked myself through the craziness.

canttrustu said:

Goodness, this sounds familiar. I kept going to the bathroom during Christmas 'celebration' all day long just to collect myself. To tell myself to breathe. That this was for the kids and that one way or another soon this was all gonna be over. I think I took maybe 8-9 trips to the bathroom and just sat in the floor for 5 minutes and talked myself through the craziness.

Click to expand...

I made it through the morning, opening presents and what not, by escaping over and over, then refused to go to Christmas dinner at the in-laws.

I am dreading Xmas with H's side...as after DD#2 in April all of his siblings found out about his EA and how he was keeping in contact with her for 6 months after I discovered it initially back in September 2011.

H thinks it is embarrasing for him but holy **** for me it is just as humiliating..I feel like they are all going to be looking at me and thinking wow, he couldn't stop contacting his AP, he must have had some really deep feelings for her..makes me feel real good as his wife. They are probably going to be looking at me with sympathy in their eyes which is just as bad.....

highwood said:

I am dreading Xmas with H's side...as after DD#2 in April all of his siblings found out about his EA and how he was keeping in contact with her for 6 months after I discovered it initially back in September 2011.

H thinks it is embarrasing for him but holy **** for me it is just as humiliating..I feel like they are all going to be looking at me and thinking wow, he couldn't stop contacting his AP, he must have had some really deep feelings for her..makes me feel real good as his wife. They are probably going to be looking at me with sympathy in their eyes which is just as bad.....

Click to expand...

In laws- ARGH!!! Sorry you have to deal with this but IF there are ANY issues they are your H's to handle.

SadandAngry said:

I made it through the morning, opening presents and what not, by escaping over and over, then refused to go to Christmas dinner at the in-laws.

Click to expand...

I'm thinking of just leaving the house entirely for Thanksgiving. Just take off first thing in the morning and not come back till the end of the day. My wife is hosting at our house and my side of the family will all be there. I'd like to hear her try to explain to my family why I'm not there. Especially since no one knows yet what is going on.
Posted via Mobile Device

Bolio24 said:

I'm thinking of just leaving the house entirely for Thanksgiving. Just take off first thing in the morning and not come back till the end of the day. My wife is hosting at our house and my side of the family will all be there. I'd like to hear her try to explain to my family why I'm not there. Especially since no one knows yet what is going on.
Posted via Mobile Device

Click to expand...

You could always leave out the VAR and hear it for yourself since you cant be a fly on the wall.