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Discussion Starter #1
Just curious as to how many people can vouch for stories of folks who have gotten back together after a separation / near divorce. I'm lonely, I've had NC for almost 24 hours and it's killing me. I need to do something. I finished my poem so I don't have much else to do.

Thanks.
 

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easy brother. im tony from london. hang in there. if it is meant to be it WILL be. my marriage is finishing at the mo. its killing me. but its gotta be done.
 

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I feel the same Dewayne. Part of me wants hope, but I don't see things getting better once I move so far away. I see what ties we still have slipping away forever and it is sad.

The other part of me knows accepting this as inevitable will make it easier to heal (eventually I guess). I can't change her mind, only she can ... And the way my stbxw is, she has told too many people for her to go back on this, even if she one day decides she made a mistake.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Well I don't believe in destiny, or "if it's meant to be..."

we make our own destinys, if you will. I believe that with my heart. If it was "meant to be".... it wouldn't take work. Just my opinion.

Thank you for your reply, sincerely.

I told my wife on the phone on the way back from another packing trip and told her to forget it. I don't need a woman that doesn't want to work on a marriage. I don't need a QUITTER!
 

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Hi Dewayne
My H and I separated for 4 months after 17 years of marriage. He was having an A. Had found his soul mate!!!
He was completely done with our marriage. We are now 7months into reconciling and we are doing really well.
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Daisygirl, I was soo depressed and lonely last night> I went through SO MANY old threads... I actually found your story! VERY.. very inspiring. I cried. Again, like a little baby.... and I'm 36 yro man. Yes.. I said MAN. I'm not ashamed to cry, or to admit it.

However, I believe I am trying to convince myself, not sure which part is doing what, but trying to convince myself that i don't want her. that I don't need her. and I even told her to hurry up and get me the Divorce papers so I can read over them. She called the lawyer once, 3 hours ago, just after noon and she hasn't called back.

Maybe a good sign? She doesn't seem to be in a hurry for it now. And she also still says she wants time. Like a bit ago, she was in her office and again, made a remark about only asking for a D because I wouldn't give her real time. I was living there, and had nowhere to go... so yeah, was tough.

Anywho, thank you again for posting your story and reminding me. I'll go read on it again tonight probably. I'm not sure what i want anymore tbh. I really don't. I love my wife, I love her to death... but I'm sick of games and waiting and being hurt.

Hope, I read a little about yours, but Ima go read on it now. (or maybe after I eat? I haven't eaten yet today and it's 4pm)

Thanks for the response guys. keep em coming. :p
 

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Hi m8, me and my wife separated for 6months 8years ago and got back together - she told me from the day she left didnt love me and never wnated to be with me again - but after aroud 4months she wanted to try again.

On the down side , she has just done the same again 4months ago - but this time started a divorce behind my back and is now seeing someone else.

If i had my time again, i wouldnt have taken her back the first time [part of the prob this time when we started having problems was all the lack of trust from what she did last time came back]
 

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Dewayne, you need to take a breath. This only happened yesterday? Your emotions are very raw I know and it hurts like hell. H and I had been through 7 months of emotional hell before we separated and I think I cried every day while he was away! I felt like part if me had died. But there is always hope.
What led to the separation? Some background info would be helpful.
Just take it one day at a time now and be kind to yourself.
Have you read up on the 180?
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Discussion Starter #12
Too late Hope. :) Sorry. I'll go get something now.

Um... Daisy, I'll try to be quick. I have a thread but i'm lost in the pages right now.

Together for 11 yrs. Married 6. 3 yro Daughter. I had been mean to her in responses, not giving her enough attention ( I had, but not EVERY time seh needed it) had a temper. Wasn't as supportive as I could've been... etc. She says I was controlling, but it wasn't that bad.

3 months ago we started getting volunteers for our Haunted House. 3-4 days before the "boys" showed up, she came to me in the room and said "I love you so much, I'm so happy. You better not ever leave me I wouldn't know what to do" almost word for word.

Then the boys showed up and they were cute, 19 and 20yros and ever since then.. seh gravitated towards them. I got angry at how she never spent time with me and was always hugging and flirting with them. YES, I flirted with a girl as well, BUT, I stopped mine and asked her to stop her flirting. She didn't. We ahd a fight. a week or so later she slept with the 19 yro. twice. She also got high the first time and got drunk.

Now, OM is gone. GONE GONE... (no I didn't kill him, I let him live after I confronted him) He's moved 300 miles away. Broke and can't get here. They stopped txting. But she says she's not happy now and wants a new life.

I think she's gotten a taste of the grass on the other side and wants a new life. BUT< She acts like she doesn't know if what she's doing is the right choice and even says it. But she says shes not happy. Swears there's not another man / woman and just wants to be alone. I couldn't leave her alone so she asked for a Divorce.

Enough? Now we're having to move out (we lived at the haunt) the haunt failed because of this. Over $36k invested... GONE. No hot rods, no cars, no land... nothing left. She tells me she loves me and if i don't IRRITATE THE SH.T OUT OF HER as she says... we hug, we hold hands at times etc. She said she loves the time with me but she does NOT want to talk about "us" ...at all. Whatsoever.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Yall's stories are incredible. I truly feel that we can be just like you guys. BUT, it has to come from both sides. I'm just curious... wahts the chances of it working out IF I am the only one that should have trust issues ( i never cheated) and I think I'm ok? What if she does come back and I feel I'm ok with it, could it work I guess is what I'm asking.

I have been working on me. My counselor found out that I'm HUGELY influenced by my father's life. So I am working on myself all over, and getting better. Though I do not feel it's all me on this either. I truly feel it's the grassy turf on the other side that's got her fogged up. But I AM working on me... and FOR ME... and yes, trying the 180 .
 

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wahts the chances of it working out IF I am the only one that should have trust issues ( i never cheated) and I think I'm ok? What if she does come back and I feel I'm ok with it, could it work I guess is what I'm asking.
There is zero chance of things working out if she doesn't commit 1000% (yes, a thousand) to working on things and you do too. You SHOULD have trust issues after what she did, and she has GOT to do certain things before you should even consider reconciling. She must take responsibility for cheating. All of it. And be sorry. And prove she isn't still doing it, and be willing to grovel and beg and prostrate herself before you if you deign to take her back. I am not kidding.

YOU ARE NOT OK. You will not BE OK for another 2-5 years. If she thinks you should be, file for D now and stop wasting your time.

Have you read the newbie link in my sig? Have you been STD tested?
 
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