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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As a parent, me & my husband went to one of these Presentations, they travel around the country & stop at Large Churchs & talk to Teens (Youth Group age) about Sex - can read more here : Home

This Large church had a parenting room set up, where the CEO of the movement talked to parents in a separate room , we had the opportunity to buy many books, packages, even text messaging to our teens cell phones to encourage their ongoing purity, we were encouraged to buy our own Silver ring to remind us to pray for our children daily, then we were allowed to view on a huge screen what our children were watching.

Progam lasts 2 hours. Most kids end up buying a Purity Ring by the end of the service for $20. This place was packed, this is a growing movement, it has made Peoples's magazine for a new "fad", the Jonas Brothers I guess have purity rings.

I agree with much of what is presented here, the statistics on veneral diseases, how girls unknowingly can become infertile from some infections, not to mention the breakdown of the family, the girls emotional pain when she is used & discarded, etc. Very emotional dramatic re-enactments on stage.

And how this is indeed a Beautiful way to show your LOVE for your future husband or wife, the goal is give this purity ring to your spouse on your Wedding day. If they both have purity rings, all the most Beautiful, telling each other they have waited for each other all of these years. 3 of my older boys have went to this program in the past, 2 of them have chosen & wear a Purity ring & again wanted to go this night.

I came away with the Goodness/value of this program but at the same time, it was advocated that if you Kiss or even hold hands- while dating, this WILL lead to sex, this I think is too extreme. It is like an ALL or NOTHING philosophy. Me & my husband did not have sex (intercourse or oral ) before we were married- nor with anyone else. I am very happy we waited for this part of sex. In a looser sense, we might have been able to give ourselves a purity ring -if such a thing existed in those days, BUT we did have roving hands! I do not regret this part of our dating at all ! But felt condemned by this program.

Just curious how other parents Feel about this very pure stance on sexuality. A goal to attain? Can kids really do this ? Your thoughts.
 

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I really think it depends on the kid. My eldest was in a church group when he was in middle school and they talked about purity. He asked me if I'd buy him a pendant...he wore it on a chain. At one point in high school he stopped wearing it. I didn't run out and buy him condoms, but kept the dialogue open so he was comfortable being open with me.

My middle son is quite shy and while girls show interest in him, he is flattered but too shy to ask them out, etc.

My daughter (youngest) just started high school and asked me if she could get a purity ring. One of her friends started having sex & the boy broke up with her and immediately asked another girl to homecoming. We had a long talk about the various downsides of having sex while still in high school.

I am not sure how realistic it is to expect a kid to make this promise before they have been in any sort of relationship and a few years later they are dating someone and they start thinking/feeling differently. Some kids will stay their course and stick to their beliefs, others will not.

I met their dad in high school and we dated 7 years before marriage...he did respect my wishes to wait until I was an adult and ready.

So I, like you, think the All or Nothing stance is a bit extreme and based on the stats, setting a lot of teens up to fail. I don't want my kids to think sex is bad or wrong...I just want them to understand the consequences.
 

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So I, like you, think the All or Nothing stance is a bit extreme and based on the stats, setting a lot of teens up to fail. I don't want my kids to think sex is bad or wrong...I just want them to understand the consequences.
Agreed. I think arming them with knowledge is important.
 

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Well, my DD20 is still a virgin, and I take credit for that, because I've been teaching her for 10 years that it is all about the relationship. And that relationships in junior and senior high are for 'trying on' people to see what kind you're compatible with, and don't expect these types to last - you're both too busy changing and growing. So while all her friends were 'madly in love' - and getting pregnant - she was just dating guys to have fun and, when they pushed for SF and she said no, they just accepted it. Some dumped her but, again, I taught her 'is that the kind of guy you want as your boyfriend?' I gave her logic on how lives are turned upside down with STDs and pregnancies, I helped her see what it would be like to have to raise a baby, and not get through college, and work at McDonald's the rest of your life. She decided that having sex was silly until you're emotionally and financially capable of dealing with a baby.

For a guy, I guess you'd need a different tact. But that's what worked with mine.
 

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I intend to teach my sons that it is better, and I would prefer, to wait until they are married to have sex. But they are also going to be taught that sex is perfectly normal and healthy and that kissing a girl, or holding her hand, will not lead to sex...unless they both decide it will. And I also intend to teach them that if they make that decision, they had better be prepared with condoms, and be prepared for the possibility of taking care of a baby if that condom fails.

All we can do as parents is make sure they know everything they possibly can about sex and it's consequences and then hope they use that knowledge to make the right decisions. The alternative is locking them in their bedroom until they're 30, and my boyfriend swears I can't do that. :)
 

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My friend actually put bars on his stepdaughter's window to stop her from getting out at night. She eventually got pregnant, married the boy, miscarried, sold all her stuff, and moved to Hawaii, all under the age of 19. Then divorced him, married another guy...

Point is, even putting bars and a burglar alarm (that my husband installed for him) didn't keep her from having sex. The parents were uber religious (not MY child, MY child would NEVER do that, we're religious), and we tried to tell them there's a better way, but they wouldn't listen - their church TOLD them they had to do it this way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
Point is, even putting bars and a burglar alarm (that my husband installed for him) didn't keep her from having sex. The parents were uber religious (not MY child, MY child would NEVER do that, we're religious), and we tried to tell them there's a better way, but they wouldn't listen - their church TOLD them they had to do it this way.
This doesn't surprise me at all. My situation is almost the opposite extreme, my oldest with the purity ring is 20 & he wants to be a Youth Paster, we literally talk about everything, it is nothing for me & him to openly talk about sex. Here I am advocating that kissing, holding hands, even ROVING hands did not do us in -to go all the way, that I would be "happy" if all of my children had such Boundaries, and he thinks me & his dad is "corrupt". He firmly believes - better to do NOTHING at all than do what we did, cause it would be harder to NOT STOP, and of coarse we were then not "pure" when married. Now if I was him, I would feel absolutely miserable with such strict -no touching restraint, it just would have never worked. But maybe he can pull it off ! I tell him if his dad was like him, I would have left him.

I just don't want him to feel like a failure if, after he finds his girl, he sees this is unattainable & feeling all forms of affection is "dirty"/unpure. To me, that line of thinking/believing is just going way too far , too religious , if you will.

He is a firm Believer in "Courting" & has never been truly alone with a girlfriend yet to see those feelings rise within though. He does everything in groups. Some in our church do not believe you should be alone until you are married. He does feel that is extreme, thankfully. But remaining truly pure, he does believe it can be done, the real test will be when he finds the girl he really loves & wants to marry. My fear then will be -he may RUSH the wedding -quicker than it should be -just cause he/they can't control their lusts, OR he has accostomed himself all these years to Repress them -also not a good thing!

Interesting to see how it pans out.
 

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I think that when young men take that stand it's because it IS hard for them to stop - harder than for girls - and he is afraid. I think that in your case, I'd just try to find ways to show him that sex is natural and supposed to be happening. Within reason.

It may also help to point out to him that the American, puritanical way - is NOT the only way. People all over the world have a VERY wide range of customs and beliefs regarding sex, marriage, raising kids...all of it. Open his eyes to options.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I think that when young men take that stand it's because it IS hard for them to stop - harder than for girls - and he is afraid.
I do believe you are right here. It is fine if he can do this, if he is not struggling with it internally. If he has the will power & this is HIS choice. But to do this under some compulsion for Godly favor & resent it -would be another thing.

More power to him & her. I guess I am not crazy about MY SON judging me & his dad. He just tells us we were not pure, if we had a ring, it would be greatly tarnished.

One thing I know, I will sure have fun buying for his bride to be at her Wedding Shower - with 2 pure virgins like this. My present will surely be the most EYE catching at the gathering, much hot lingerie & books about SEX! As my dear son will have been waiting a long long long time.
 

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I did a purity event with my twin daughters, but not the more popular event that has all the publicity. We even met their favorite Australian singer at the time, Rebecca St. James. I framed a covenant, but modified it to focus on the seriousness and personal integrity in relationships, but took out some of the unrealistic negative connotations. Basically, I committed to be open to discussing, pray for them, and respect their decisions. One daughter bought a ring, but keeps it in her room as a momento.

My background was very atypical. Even from the earliest days, my father spoke endlessly about how to get what you want from women, although most was on the topic of seduction. Encouraged me to have sex at a very early age and never have feelings. He ruined marriages and really hurt people.

I chose a different life for myself, and want my children to do the same. Personally, I think the whole thing only really works in parent/children relationships that focus on building real integrity and mutual respect for all others, and not religion as just 'going to church.'

I guess, however, that I can't seem to resist having little excursions from the 'respect for their decisions' bit. We live in the Midwest now, where too many young guys seem so fragile, and I still stay muscular. My friends used to joke about how they felt sorry for my daughter's future boyfriends. I have made two boyfriends come close to wetting themselves on the initial 'meet the parents' routine. Usually, I make sure I call them by the wrong name and promise to try not to lose my cool like with the last boyfriends (really, I'm just a pushover, but I've been looking for revenge since I met my father in law, who is seriously nicknamed Snake.).
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Sounds like another way the church will make money.
Me & my husband made a lot of comments that night on the sheer amount they are rolling in on this, totally brilliant! Those rings probably cost less than $3 each, they sell for $20, going to the presentation is $5 or $8 at the door each, and all these packages you can buy-ranging from $10 to over $60, now rings available to the parents, pay for texting to the kids cell phone. The cash is flowing very nicely indeed.
 
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