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I'm 26 and my wife is 24 and absolutely gorgeous. We've been married almost 4 years. Things have been better and worse, and over the past couple years the sex has been a lot less frequent and passionate than I'd like, and unfulfilling for me. The problem I have right now is that over the past 6 months I've been feeling stronger and stronger desires to be with other women. My wife and I are each each other's one-and-only and I find myself feeling like I missed out on the young single life. I used to want to fix our sex issues, but now I'm to the point that I honestly don't know if I can be satisfied like this. I love my wife very much and she's very beautiful, but deep down somewhere something is gnawing at me desiring the excitement of sex with other women. I've even gotten to the point that I've thought about divorce.

Please withhold the critical and judgmental comments. I've been true to my marital vows and not acted on what I've felt. I'm simply asking about powerful desires that came very much not by conscious choice. I wish they could just go away. My questions are these: Is this an uncommon thing? How do other husbands cope with their biological impulses? Should I tell her or would that just do more harm than good?
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I'm 24 and I know what you're talking about. She's my first one as well and it doesn't look like were going to break up or anything (not married). I've did a lot of reading on this site and self-diagnosed with "the grass is greener on the other side" and realizing that I would be throwing a whole lot away for some casual sex. IDK I think lots of people just get this kind of feelings out of their system during their late teens and during their twenties but if you haven't had that oppertunity then it's mostly a case of putting it to rest. For yourself.
 

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I wouldn't tell her. I am sure most guys have some level of desire to have sex with other women at some point. Unless you find yourself seriously making plans to act on your impulses, keep them to yourself.

As for how to keep from acting on them - self control. Develop yours. If you use porn, stop. Focus your sexual energies onto your wife. Stay away from situations where you're going to be exposed to any kind of sexual tension that doesn't involve your wife. Figure out what works for you to turn your mind away from going there when it does.

You might also want to do some work at affair proofing your marriage. These books are not just for those who HAVE been through infidelity. The three of them go together.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage: Amazon.ca: Willard F. Jr. Harley: Books

Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love: Amazon.ca: Willard F. Jr. Harley: Books

Five Steps to Romantic Love: A Workbook for Readers of Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs: Amazon.ca: Willard F. Jr. Harley: Books
 

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I asked the guy Im dating about sex with other people. He said "All pu$$y feels the same" - in those words. Just throwing that out there.
That's not the least bit true.

Some are tight and some are loose, some are wet and some are dry, some look nice and some look freaking weird, some smell good and some smell bad.. and probably most importantly, not all women know how to use it properly. Last but definitely not least, there's more to sex then just a penis and a VJ.
 

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over the past couple years the sex has been a lot less frequent and passionate than I'd like, and unfulfilling for me.

The problem I have right now is that over the past 6 months I've been feeling stronger and stronger desires to be with other women.
It sounds like these two things are probably related. Meaning, if you were having hot monkey sex with your wife regularly, your desire for other women would not be so strong and getting stronger.

If that's the case, then I would tell her. It might help her realize that if she doesn't take your sex life seriously, your marriage is in trouble.

If sex sucks, your marriage is starting down a bad road and you need to work on this NOW before you a) cheat or b) end up back on TAM saying you've been in a sexless marriage for X or XX years.
 

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I see attractive women out in the world. I occassionaly stare. But I don't step out of my marital bounds either.
But I always remember, the pain I felt when I learned my parents were going to divorce due to my dad's infidelty, and the pain my wife put me through.

I asked my wife if she ever worried about me stepping outside my marital vows. Not that I have or ever will though.

And she said "If I keep you fed and in bed, why would you ever want to leave?"

Can't argue with that at all! :D
 

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I asked my wife if she ever worried about me stepping outside my marital vows.

And she said "If I keep you fed and in bed, why would you ever want to leave?"

Can't argue with that at all! :D
Sure you can argue with that.

All you gotta say is "Well I kept you fed and in bed and you left me for another guy, why do you think I wouldn't do the same to YOU?!".
 

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I asked the guy Im dating about sex with other people. He said "All pu$$y feels the same" - in those words. Just throwing that out there.
Wrong....just saying
 

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Attraction is normal - we are all human. Acting on it or spending a lot of time thinking about it leads to other problems.

Hope gave you some great advice, I'd look at that closer.
 
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I would think most men and women strugle with this from time to time.familiarty breeds contempt.

thats why when you think your getting bored with sex its time to put more effort into being a better lover because if your bored shes bored. so man up and go buy a new toy or try some new moves.

it takes work for it to work!
 
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OP,
Whether or not the sex is / was great, you will always see and desire other women.
Some of them might even want to initiate nsa sex with you.
It happens to me all the time.

Stop telling yourself that you've missed out on sex with other women because your wife was your one and only.
The only thing you missed out on was probably an unwanted pregnancy with a nut case or a STD.

You have the golden opportunity right there with your wife. You guys have only just been married .
Work on your emotional issues, and the sex will get back on track.
There's no hurry, you have your whole life ahead of you.
 

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Absolutely. From the waitress the other night at dinner (out with friends), to a coworker, to a woman who keeps hitting on me at the gym. But to this point it has not been acted on. But it is getting harder to resist.
 

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Do I "struggle" with it? No. Do I have desires for other women and other expreinces? Sure I do! I don't necessarily "envision it" or wish for it, but I do wonder about it and honestly wouldn't "mind" and would likely greatly enjoy an experience with another woman.

BUT, the thing that keeps me from "struggling" with it is my amazing woman at home. And the knowledge that likely far greater than 90 percent could never even come remotely close to comparing to her in so many ways. She's a great wife. A great companion. A great partner. We are on a very even wavelength together. She brings no undue drama into my life. She's not a drunk. She's not abusive. She's strong and independant. She's smart. She has a good career. She's very attractive. She's fabulous in the sack. And there's a lot of sack time. She's appreciative. She's supportive. She's fair. And on, and on, and on.

Are there other women out there who pique my sexual interest? You bet your azz there are. What, am I dead? No, I'm not. But infidelity is a deal breaker for us both. So I don't struggle with the desire to "go there". Aside from the knowledge I'd lose her as a result, she simply does not deserve to be wounded by that...ever. She's been damn near a perfect wife, partner and companion. And I'll not hurt her or lose her over a desire for some "strange".

If all else is good with your wife, I would definately try to work on the sexual issues that may be causing you to feel like you're missing out on something. Spice things up. If she's faltering, figure out how to fix it. There's plenty of info on these forums on how to do so.

If this is just a feeling about "missing out on the single life", well buddy, let me tell you this: Count your lucky stars, you're not missing out on a whole lot. The "single life" is not all it's cracked up to be. Lousy lays. Lousy attitudes. Lousy motivations or personal agendas. Attention wh0res. Liars. Cheats. Lousy baggage. Lousy boundaries or loyalties. And oftentimes you don't discover a lot of this until you've got major time invested in someone.

At the end of the day, if she's a good woman, and you can't get past this, then let her know the deal and let her go. But don't be shocked after you've found out that the grass is not greener on the other side, and after the excitement of "strange" has wore off and the lonliness of life without a great partner has set in that someone snatched her up and won't let her go.

I'm not saying the above as a slam on you. I'm saying you should think about the above scenario and see how that makes you feel.

I asked the guy Im dating about sex with other people. He said "All pu$$y feels the same" - in those words. Just throwing that out there.
Lol. Sounds like something a guy would say to his girl, but it's total b.s. Sorry! All pu$$y was not created equal. Just as all d!cks were not. Now, if you've got a "tight one" (or a big one for dudes) and know how to "use it", well then, that works very much in your favor. If not, well, you'd better have the rest of your game together! ;)
 

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What Donny said. :agree:
 
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If all else is good with your wife, I would definately try to work on the sexual issues that may be causing you to feel like you're missing out on something. Spice things up. If she's faltering, figure out how to fix it. There's plenty of info on these forums on how to do so.
I agree with everything you said except this minor thing. While the original poster is indicating that his sex-life is "less frequent" and "less passionate" at the end of his post he indicates a gnawing desire to experience sex with someone else. I don't think spicing things up is a bad idea at all but in the end it's not going to help that nagging feeling of having 'missed out'. No amount of kinky sex with the same person is going to resolve that as the heart of the problem lies exactly with the fact that it is the same person you're doing it with.

What I do think is that OP needs to do some good soul-searching to put this at rest. Before you marry there has to be some point at which you realize for yourself that you really want to be with your partner for the rest of your life. A point where you decide for yourself that others aren't just worth it anymore compared to your one and only. Assuming that the OP married for good reasons I'd suggest he'd find out exactly why he married his girl.

Personally I don't want to get married until I feel exactly the way I described above.
 
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