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Discussion Starter #1
Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me pls

Just need to talk to someone about my wife who is having an EA (at least) and wants out...she "has been in denial and really doenst love me". I dont think this is true, at all...i need to talk. Thanks.
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

im just kinda losing it all...and it seems like i get better responses, more heartfelt in pm. I have a couple threads here, but basically my wife is having a MLC with a EA. I have come to the realization i cannot do this alone, she is convinced she doesnt love me anymore. I just emailed a therapist who specializes in last ditch marriage help...anyone think this will work?
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

Couldn't hurt. I didn't wade through all your other posts, so I apologize. Have you exposed to her family and any friends who wouldn't be assisting in this? I did see something about you saying you wouldn't so that to her mom because she would pass out? I assume the news that her daughter is a cheater would be a hard pill for her to swallow? Tell me, do you think it will be harder for her to find out that you and her daughter split because of the cheating? Or would finding out that her daughter has been cheating and you are trying to get her out of her fog be harder? My point is that, by refusing to expose to those who would be most influential and are closest to her, you are basically letting her go ahead and do it.

I can promise you that, had my husband told my mom and dad about the first one, there would not have been a second one. My parents and I are close and yes, hearing something like that would have been devastating to them. But they would have held me accountable. They would have told me to either work on my marriage or divorce. Yea, I thought about leaving him. I thought about it a lot. But no amount of waiting on me, no amount of "being nice" helped. I truly thought, at the time, that I was no longer in love with him. Perhaps MC would have helped then, but we didn't go. Fortunately, I came out of the fog and we are rebuilding.

Give the MC a shot. Is this one who also specializes in infidelity/EAs?
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

yeah i found one that specialized in "last ditch marriage" help, and she was busy of course. Im just overwhelmed and its getting to me....I want to drive home and confront my W now, but that would not go well. I guess if it doesnt work, it doesnt, but i have to try one time.

Are you in love with your husband again? or still dont know?

What i dont understand, is she told me about a week ago "for the record i love you and i dont want a divorce", but then she tells OM she has no feelings for me--i guess to keep hiim interested, or keep me offguard.
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

We have talked about how her last husband went to her family when the marriage was over...it went from civil to war of the roses, and she hated him after that, for years. I think the threat of me filing for divorce, and her having to face her family over the holidays, would strike fear in her--she knows they will ask--and if i have the 'come to jesus" talk with her that i know about the EA and it needs to stop NOW, then maybe i can get her to MC. I have an appt to see a divorce attny on wed.
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

i guess what has stressed me out so much, is that we shared a very good vacation week in august, in the middle of all of this, and then it all fell apart. We are not that far off, it is killing me.
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

It wasn't a case of in love with him or not in love with him... I THOUGHT I was not in love with him. I never truly STOPPED being in love with him.

And, hold on a second...her ex-husband went to her family when they were divorcing? Again, pardon me for not knowing the details, but why did he go to her family? Did one of them cheat on the other?
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

Ok I'm having a brain fart here MLC? What is MLC?
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

MLC = midlife crisis
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

What i dont understand, is she told me about a week ago "for the record i love you and i dont want a divorce", but then she tells OM she has no feelings for me--i guess to keep hiim interested, or keep me offguard.
People frequently refer to this on TAM as you being her "Backup Plan B." In other words, she'll keep you around to save face with her family over the holidays, or in case things don't pan out with the OM.

I'm sure you have read enough posts on TAM to realize people can spill their guts here. Lots of folks here have gone through the agony of experiencing their spouse conduct an EA and/or PA.

Nobody knows your true identity, as far as I know. So if you feel the need to vent and put it out there, go for it. The more information we know, the more responses and information you will get on how to handle this situation.
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

Yeah, she wants to get through the holidays "stress free"--ie she wont have to deal with all the probing etc. She is disguising it as "lets not do anything to upset the kids for christmas". I cant wait, ii got a very revealing and painful audio from a VAR, that showed at least what she is telling OM.

I just dont know how much a therapist can help....its my last chance effort. In about a week, week and a half, i want to have divorce papers in hand, meet her at the house when the kids go to school, and tell her "unless you go to therapy, and end it with OM" i am filing.

My fear is that she will "go along with the whole therapy crap" until she can get to January. I need to square away my childcare before january, i will be very very busy then with work.
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

the VAR also revealed that she is afraid to say the words "i dont love you" because then it will be all her fault...and she would have to face her family with that too. I just wanted to see if any other females have been this way and a therpist has helped them out of the fog?
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

Is the VAR revealing that she is planning to leave you for the OM after the holidays?
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

No, but she was telling him that she doesnt love me, and wears the ring for show only, doesnt mean anything. He is not divorced either, she gracefully offerred to "split them up".
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

she want a "trial separation" in January i think. Which is even more "back up plan". She has been shocked by my reference to divorce, yet she seemed happy talking to OM that i have talked divorce...she was kinda "selling" the fact that we are on our way.
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

she told him she is purposely stalling counciling because she simply doesnt love me...i know thats not true...she just thinks it now....and thinks i dont love her...which she knows better...but it works in the equation to leave
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

i have told her to see councel, she says "im offended you think i need professional help".
 

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Re: Any married women who wanted out because they "dont love their husband"? PM me p

Back to your original question in your post to married women.

This forum has many posts from women who went back to their husbands once the affair ended. Read the stories about R's.

Of course your wife may come back to you once her affair ends - who knows right?

Have you tried the 180?

I haven't read your other posts. Does she know you know about her affair?

If you love her so much, why do you want to file for divorce? To "wake her up" from her affair?
 
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