My SIL found out in June that her H has been having an affair on her. They have been married 28 years and have five kids together ranging from 7 to 21. This devastated her. She thought they had a great marriage. He started the affair in May and she found out about it in June. He left his W and kids and moved in with this other girl five days after she found out what was going on. Well now we are in Oct the other girl dumped him and he asked his wife to come back home that he wants to work things out. She agreed for him to come back. He brings the other girl up allot to his wife and drives past her house to see who's car is in her driveway (he is affraid that she is seeing someone). My SIL or the kids cant get away from girl. Their son plays football with the other girls son and they are in some of the same classes in middle school and my SIL daughter is in the same college class as this other women. My SIL feels like her DH still loves this other girl and she is really upset about it. Is there any good books out there to help them both to try to keep there marriage? Or at least anything my SIL can read to help her through this hard time? My SIL really wants her marriage to work out. She is bending over backwards for him. I dont agree with her but I will support her in this desicion and try to help her out any way I can so that is why I am here asking for your help.
Any good books?
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I told her about this site today. But she is not much of an internet person. She actually is the payroll person for all of our libraries in our county. So since she works in a library a book that she could check out might be a better option for her.
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Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass
Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dennis Ortman
Your SIL needs to quit trying to fix her marriage and start concentrating on herself. The way you describe her husbands actions, he isn't the least bit remorseful, and is still in the fog badly. Unless he decides to put 1000% into his marriage, it will not work. THIS IS NOT YOUR SIL'S FAULT and she should NOT be acting like there's a whole bunch of things she should be doing to fix the marriage and win him back. This is ALL on her husband, and if he doesn't step up to the plate she should kick his cheating ass to the curb.
IF he does step up and take responsibility, THEN she can focus on the marriage and work with him on whatever problems they have. But she has to do so knowing that the problems in their marriage are COMPLETELY SEPARATE from the choice he made to cheat.
She also needs to get tested for STD's.
Here's some other stuff you could print out for her
Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights « betrayed but recovering
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739
The Healing Heart: The 180
Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dennis Ortman
Your SIL needs to quit trying to fix her marriage and start concentrating on herself. The way you describe her husbands actions, he isn't the least bit remorseful, and is still in the fog badly. Unless he decides to put 1000% into his marriage, it will not work. THIS IS NOT YOUR SIL'S FAULT and she should NOT be acting like there's a whole bunch of things she should be doing to fix the marriage and win him back. This is ALL on her husband, and if he doesn't step up to the plate she should kick his cheating ass to the curb.
IF he does step up and take responsibility, THEN she can focus on the marriage and work with him on whatever problems they have. But she has to do so knowing that the problems in their marriage are COMPLETELY SEPARATE from the choice he made to cheat.
She also needs to get tested for STD's.
Here's some other stuff you could print out for her
Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights « betrayed but recovering
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739
The Healing Heart: The 180
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I'm going to recommend Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley.
I personally disagree with his contention that and affair is, in part, the betray spouse's fault. However, his steps to recovery are very solid. And he offers advice on what steps to take when the wayward spouse is fence-sitting and/or refuses to actually end it with their affair partner.
I personally disagree with his contention that and affair is, in part, the betray spouse's fault. However, his steps to recovery are very solid. And he offers advice on what steps to take when the wayward spouse is fence-sitting and/or refuses to actually end it with their affair partner.
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I know what steps to take if he refuses to end it- he GTFO!
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Well, that would be my personal vote as well. However the OP did say that her SIL wants to reconcile with her husband. Harley offers guidance on what to do if R is the goal.
Even he, though, prescribes a limit to what the BS should put up with. Honestly, I think the OP's SIL could use some guidelines on that.
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Why books?
A print out of the materials under Newbies links is a good direction, IMO.
A print out of the materials under Newbies links is a good direction, IMO.
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