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I don’t even know where to start. In our 15 year marriage, my wife has been arrested 3 times for shoplifting (all 3 times she had our kids) and was recently fired from her nursing job for stealing meds. She absolutely denies all of this. They were all just “misunderstandings.”

I’ve had her see therapists and she convinces each and every one that these are all just coincidental occurrences, but the truth is that she’s a wreck. She’s written 40 bad checks in the past two years alone, and she just got fired again from her nursing job yesterday…3rd time in as many jobs.

Then last year I find out she has been sexting a man she met in a bar…1200+ times in three weeks. Again, she denies anything going on between them. According to her, it was just “conversation.” But after three months of marriage counseling and denying everything, I break into her iTunes backup and retrieve about 50 messages. Turns out she was aggressively trying to meet her best friend's boyfriend (she was mad at her) so she could give him a blowjob! WTF? This is while she is unemployed, suspended from nursing and while I was at work supporting her and our family!

Again, she takes responsibility for NOTHING. She says everything is a misunderstanding. All she does is blames, denies, justifies and lies about everything! Our counselor is so distraught by her that he ends our counseling altogether, he tells me “It’s not working.”

I don’t get it. Is this APD or something similar? I have often suspected this but she’s seen several counselors and has convinced each of them that there is nothing wrong with her. I’m at my wits end. What do I do?
 

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Re: Re: anti-personality disorder?

I don’t even know where to start. In our 15 year marriage, my wife has been arrested 3 times for shoplifting (all 3 times she had our kids) and was recently fired from her nursing job for stealing meds. She absolutely denies all of this. They were all just “misunderstandings.”

I’ve had her see therapists and she convinces each and every one that these are all just coincidental occurrences, but the truth is that she’s a wreck. She’s written 40 bad checks in the past two years alone, and she just got fired again from her nursing job yesterday…3rd time in as many jobs.

Then last year I find out she has been sexting a man she met in a bar…1200+ times in three weeks. Again, she denies anything going on between them. According to her, it was just “conversation.” But after three months of marriage counseling and denying everything, I break into her iTunes backup and retrieve about 50 messages. Turns out she was aggressively trying to meet her best friend's boyfriend (she was mad at her) so she could give him a blowjob! WTF? This is while she is unemployed, suspended from nursing and while I was at work supporting her and our family!

Again, she takes responsibility for NOTHING. She says everything is a misunderstanding. All she does is blames, denies, justifies and lies about everything! Our counselor is so distraught by her that he ends our counseling altogether, he tells me “It’s not working.”

I don’t get it. Is this APD or something similar? I have often suspected this but she’s seen several counselors and has convinced each of them that there is nothing wrong with her. I’m at my wits end. What do I do?
Man...I hate reading this. She definitely sounds like she has deep psychological issues. My advice is to get away from her as quickly as possible and forever. Make sure you have proof and file for D so you can get custody. That is what you should do immediately.
 

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This is not a person who should be raising children, I'm sorry to say because in other respects I bet she is a very caring, loving person.

Best to get all your ducks in a row and file for divorce and full custody. I'm so sorry I wish I had something constructive, ending it never seems constructive.
 

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These are the most dangerous kinds of people. They are so convincing that they get others to believe them too. They could be rotting in jail still convinced they did nothing wrong. If that were my spouse I'd run. This won't end well.
 

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These are the most dangerous kinds of people. They are so convincing that they get others to believe them too. They could be rotting in jail still convinced they did nothing wrong. If that were my spouse I'd run. This won't end well.
For what it's worth my own wife has a pretty classic paranoid narcissistic personality disorder. She doesn't get people 'to agree with' her so much as she pounds them into surrender. They just sign off to get the crazy woman out of their office. Got in a fist fight with one therapist. But in the end, nothing is ever her responsibility. She's never accountable or responsible for anything, not even her own life her own happiness. That's someone else's job. In the last two days she almost t-boned a car barreling through a crossing blind and almost hit another car head on cutting them off in a left turn. All someone else's fault. She rearended a car in a traffic circle a few years ago and browbeat the other driver AND the cop who showed up into not only not writing her a ticket but writing the accident report as it was the other person's fault.

But what I see here is less dramatic and more manipulative than that. A classic cold blooded manipulator.
 

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At this high level of crazy I'm out. My dad was like your wife he brow beat them into agreeing and they did anything just to get the crazy man out of their office. He died as a result of abuse of meds he talked doctors into giving him. Guess washing them down with gallons of booze wasn't such a good idea huh?
 

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For what it's worth my own wife has a pretty classic paranoid narcissistic personality disorder. She doesn't get people 'to agree with' her so much as she pounds them into surrender. They just sign off to get the crazy woman out of their office. Got in a fist fight with one therapist. But in the end, nothing is ever her responsibility. She's never accountable or responsible for anything, not even her own life her own happiness. That's someone else's job. In the last two days she almost t-boned a car barreling through a crossing blind and almost hit another car head on cutting them off in a left turn. All someone else's fault. She rearended a car in a traffic circle a few years ago and browbeat the other driver AND the cop who showed up into not only not writing her a ticket but writing the accident report as it was the other person's fault.

But what I see here is less dramatic and more manipulative than that. A classic cold blooded manipulator.
Part of me wonders how much of it is an act. Do these people knowingly lie about absolutely everything, or is it more like schizophrenia where they honest-to-god believe they are telling the truth?
 

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Help get her a new nursing job - or anything else if possible. Completely limit her ability to use your wage for anything but the necessities.

Then when she is employed file for divorce.

I think you have have tried as hard as you could, it's time to move on to a healthy life.

The stress must be awful.
 

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I don't know or have read anything from your wife and so I couldn't comment.
I have read what you have written and how you write and think you should look at your wife and those around you as a mirror of yourself. Good luck.
 

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Read the fourth paragraph of the statement that you wrote as if you were reading about yourself.
You are very brave. Be strong.
 

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Part of me wonders how much of it is an act. Do these people knowingly lie about absolutely everything, or is it more like schizophrenia where they honest-to-god believe they are telling the truth?
I'm not sure that distinction is entirely relevant or clear to them. Martyrs generally believe they are in the right and it's your fault they're miserable. And inside every martyr beats the heart of a tyrant.
 

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Part of me wonders how much of it is an act. Do these people knowingly lie about absolutely everything, or is it more like schizophrenia where they honest-to-god believe they are telling the truth?
My dad honestly thought he was telling the truth. He had some serious emotional issues and it was no act.
 

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Part of me wonders how much of it is an act. Do these people knowingly lie about absolutely everything, or is it more like schizophrenia where they honest-to-god believe they are telling the truth?
Some people with mental disorders are fully aware of what they are doing and saying. I think thats even more scary than someone who does and says things they they have no control over, or aren't even aware they have said or done.
 
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