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Wow long post, I want to answer this but to do it I will have to in a round about way so hang with me.

It sounds like you are both between 22-27 which if that is the case you are both lack Maturity, but that seems to be the least of your problems.

The biggest problem I see is communication.

Communication~ An Open line of communication can build a great relationship, keep it moving or repair it when there is damage to it. In my view there is nothing more important then being able to talk to your partner about every thing. By communicating I know my wife what she wants and what she expects. The lack of communication almost lost a great thing. The ability to communicate not only saved it but strengthened it.

I relate a part of what you said to me and my wife and just how different we handle things. You made the comment on the text message. She saw it as if it was cheating, but before you say it was or wasn't any serious relationship should provide boundries to what is and can't be accepted.

My wife is a flirt in person and when she plays WOW. But we set boundries other then handshakes or hugs no other physical contact with members of the opposite sex. This works for us and we know where or limits are. Neither of us have ever overstep them because we have not only set the rules but decided that this would be relationship ending if either ever did cheat.

As for your inappropriate and ill advised text message conversation with another woman that she said she forgave it is appearent that she didn't forgive you otherwise that would not be a reason or a problem now.

Which leads me to another communication issue.

Conflict Resolution~ Use communication to solve your problems. Most arguments are not because people disagree but rather they can’t or will not compromise or they can’t understand what the other wants. Arguing is the worst form of talking because things not meant to be said are out of anger and most arguments would not happen if there was good communication.

I apologized profusely for it, and she forgave me. This was about 3 months before the engagement. However, there remains a lingering insecurity within her mind about me and whether I will cheat.
Like I said this issue was never resolved and she never forgave you, the simple fact is she has used this and will continue to use this against you. If that is the only reason for her insecurity then she will doubt anyone she ever dates.

You see she isn't judging your relationship on you and her but on what she sees as the worst case being her parents. That is not fair to you or the relationship.

It's compounded by the fact that 7 years ago her parents went through a bitter divorce. In short, she told me that she saw a lot of her parents in us in the way we disagreed and also in our general approaches.
Her insecurities are not rooted in what has happened in your relationship but rather her past.

She said she's not happy with me because she feels she can't contribute to the relationship, but unhappy away from me because she misses me.
This says trouble all over it. You see I once had this type of relationship when I was young. We went on again off again so many times all it did was hurt me more every time we broke up again. Finally I just stopped seeing her, answering her calls or speaking to her until she could accept that we could only be friends from there on out and nothing more because having one thing being used over and over as a reason to break up wasn't fair to me. In the end she decided that she couldn't just be friends and broke off completely which was fine. The point is you are setting yourself up to fail again for the same reasons because of her insecurity and the fact she will use that one time again and again.

I would ask her for a clean break. Finish your masters degree, and know that you will find another heart throb. Trust me there will be others. If she matures a bit and later you get back together do so with better communication.

I know right now you just want this. I was there once too. But what you have now may not be the greatest love you will ever have forever. Even if it is the greatest love you have had so far.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/322-relationship-thesis.html

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I know that is an option, and even my therapist said that I have to be prepared for both scenarios... that it works out or it doesn't work out. This is by far the best relationship I've ever had and I've never felt this way about a woman ever before. That said, I understand what you mean about a clean break, because a few people have suggested that to me.

My feeling is, there is no guarantee that we'd ever get back together if one of us broke it off, and that absolutely rips my heart apart. I guess I haven't gotten to the point of giving up on the relationship because I know I've made my mistake and it's out of my system. I want to stand by her right now because I know and feel she's a great person. I do agree that the way she feels isn't fair to me nor the relationship and that's why I've had such a tough time dealing with it, because I do feel as though I'm being hurt in such a way that I should never be hurt.

And yet something still draws me to her.

Draconis, I've read your posts on this forum in other threads and I've come to respect your viewpoint tremendous. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I will take your thoughts and considerations to heart and I will continue to converse with you about the way I'm feeling, if you're up for continuing your free therapy.

Maine_Forever
 

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Hey I will always be here.

I really do feel for you because I have been in your situation myself.

Remeber as much as you love her it doesn't mean that you will not love like this again.

If you want to keep this relationship really work on your communications with her. One thing she needs to do is actually forgive you. Once you can communicate the sky is the limit not only in this relationship but any relationship you'll ever have.

draconis
 
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