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Discussion Starter #1
Hi guys,

A little help please... I have been married for over 4 yrs now, eventhing was gr8, untill our little beautiful daughter was born 2 yrs ago, since that something changed both of us, we bearly have sex, we dont talk, even in the car we dont speak, we fight alot, and it seems, like neither of us want to go first and say sorry.
last night we were driving home from my brothers and he told me that, I am only with him for his pay check :O ... question is why would he say that? I work 2 days per week my self, I clean (a bit of a clean freack :D), i cook, because he cant, i look after our daughter. So i dont understand why he would say that, and we were watchin tv last night, he just got up not sayin anything and went up to bed. thats not like him at all, i know my husband, ive been with him for the past 10 yrs.

Anyone any suggestions, on how to work on our marriage, or this is it?
 

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we barely have sex, .......
.............he told me that, I am only with him for his pay check :O ... question is why would he say that?
He probably means that his needs aren't being met in this relationship. You guys need MC to settle your differences.

Could he be frustrated by the lack of intimacy? Have you been rejecting him in bed?
 

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From what you say I would guess one of two things:

1. Your husband is having a EA or PA
and/or
2. You have not made your relationship a priority over the past few years and have begun to grow apart (my case going on right now with my wife who just begun to have various EAs).

Let me suggest taking some time and reading the many posts here. It was very enlightening for me and the additional reading (links, books, as well as my counselor) was instrumental in my understanding of what happened and what I need to do for the future. Your situation is more common than you think.

You will likely need to think more about what has happened as well as figure a plan on how to either save the marriage or end it (if indeed things are going on behind your back).

So:

-Read-up
-Talk with your husband openly (if possible)
-Go to counseling
-Begin a plan to change your future

Good Luck
 

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I suspect this happens a lot. Baby arrives. Hubby finds he is no longer wife's no 1 priority. Much of the affection and attention he was used to now goes to the baby. H feels bruised.

There is a saying ' men love women, women love babies'. You may or may not think it is true but whoever coined it must have.

Sounds like you need to have some honest conversations. And ask yourself - have I been neglecting my spouse?
 

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I am willing to also bet that this is all about the sex (or lack thereof)

All the other things don't matter. Men just feel that after the birth of a child we loose our place in the pecking order and if our sex life is in the toilet, so is the relationship
 

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There are very good points here for you to take away.
Your H's behaviour is certainly wrong. He must be feeling like he doesnt exist in someway as you mae the pay check commentand just walking off to bed.
Looking aftre a house and all its responsibilities is difficult add into that a 2 year old and the workload ramps up quite a bit. You also work as a cleaner so theres added hours to your day. You state he cannot cook so you do it all - more of the less sharing going on.

Do you and your H have a night out together if only once a month so that its just you two? I doubt it and I doubt you have any time where its just you 2 either. You do need to sit and talk to him. When children are born then sex is placed on the "if theres time and energy shelf" along with cuddles, sitting next to eachother watching TV just being close. There is truth in the statement tryingtobebeter made. Most guys who have been through the first child scenarion will if honest say they felt somewhat neglected. But, thats what happens when a little visitor arrives - Thy come first. But you clearly need time for yourselves as well. You H needs to feel loved as well or he may be looking elsewhere and sadly there could be someone who will be a shoulder to cry on to start and an EA later down the line. Its not right that this happens, nor am I condoning what your H said or acted. but repairing this relationship needs to start somewhere.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Thanks guys for your replay...
First I think our marriage has been in trouble for a long time, but neither of us wanted to talk about it, that is the problem, both of us dont want to talk about anything. and once our daughther came along, it got worse, like i said, the sex is not first thing, and i think that was the start of our problems. then everytime we go out jelousy kicks in, one time, not that long ago, we went out to the disco with our friends, and we stayed out a bit longer my hubby left to get food, he rang me so many times, to see where i was, alto he knew i was at the disco, but anyways, when i met him by the bus, there he was standing and screamin at me, where the f... i was :confused: , and to top it put, he pushed me out of the way to let other 2 girls (never knew them) to share our taxi. and 2 weeks ago, we were at the friends party also treated me like a dog, went to get something to eat, i asked him to pick up somethin for me, hr later no sign of him, i rang him to see where he was, walked up with my friend, to find him stading waiting for a taxi, turned and said to me, there is ur food (on the ground, 6 people around it) and he was stading a bit further away from the food, i felt so small then, we didnt talk for a week after that, week later (yesterday) this **** about paycheck????? I think i am tired, i want to be treated with a bit of respect, as he knows i do a lot for him and this family... we have been before on break up line, him spending alot of time on chat rooms (me not knowing) and when i was away lookin after my dieying grandfather, i found out when i was back that he was on a different sex chat room :mad: , all this chat room thing, has been couple yrs ago, we went pass this, i forgave him/... but this yr, on my birthday, i was gettin ready to meet my parents and few other ppl, laptop was on, and his phone rang, our little one was walkin around, i sat on fb and i heard this noise, i thouth it was the telly, and then this buzzing noise, i thought to my self , what the hell is this, clicked on a diff link, there is it a naked girl playing with her self... my mouth dropped.. how a loving hubby do this on my bday???
 
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