Another Emotional Affair Thread

4319 Views 51 Replies 15 Participants Last post by CandieGirl, Dec 4, 2012

CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · Nov 23, 2012

Is there a such thing as a one sided EA? I've written before about 2 of my coworkers who have a very unusual friendship...it's been going on for almost 3 years, he spends a ridiculous amount of time up here with her and of course, they're 'just friends'.

Personally, I think he'd bang her like a screen door in the wind given half a chance, but she is the one that puzzles me. She's not the brightest bulb, shall we say, and I am not sure she even realizes what this pig's motives are.

So do any of you believe an EA can be one sided?

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SlowlyGettingWiser

· #2 · Nov 23, 2012

he'd bang her like a screen door in the wind

Oh my crap, NO! That is THE FUNNIEST THING I've heard in ages.

Okay, I'm ALL BETTER now!

YES, YES, YES, I think an EA can DEFINITELY be one-sided. After all, an EA is about giving thoughts, feelings, time, energy, emotions to someone OUTSIDE of your significant relationship. The fact that the feelings are/are not returned is immaterial to me.

I think an EA is kind of an 'addiction' of the emotions. People can be addicted to 'things': sex, gambling, drinking, drugs, porn, video games, sports, hobbies, etc. If your addiction is another person OR imagining a life with another person (a REAL person, a fantasy person), then THAT is an EA because you are taking your time, energy, emotions, etc. AWAY from your current relationship and investing them elsewhere (even if it's just in your own head.)

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CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #3 · Nov 23, 2012

The reason I wonder whether it truly is one sided though? She sneaks off to be alone with him...why would you be sneaking if you didn't think you were doing anything wrong!?!

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SlowlyGettingWiser

· #4 · Nov 23, 2012

Is either of them married/LTR?

CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #5 · Nov 23, 2012

They are both married, and apparently, their respective SOs know about the friendship and give their blessing. I'm not buying it, tho, especially in his case, as he is too touchy feely with her, and there's too much whispering and stuff...if I was his wife, I'd have a problem with my husband spending 3 hours a DAY with another woman. And they do not work together, either...

that_girl

· #6 · Nov 23, 2012

Sure it can. It's called a crush. Remember having that crush in HS where you were all wrapped up in someone else and they hardly knew you? And if they did know you, and you were friends, they were NOT into you? But you obsessed and in your mind it was more? And you read into everything they said/did/didn't do?

Yea.

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CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #7 · Nov 23, 2012

that_girl said:
Sure it can. It's called a crush. Remember having that crush in HS where you were all wrapped up in someone else and they hardly knew you? And if they did know you, and you were friends, they were NOT into you? But you obsessed and in your mind it was more? And you read into everything they said/did/didn't do?

Yea.

Ya, I guess so, although the woman definitely knows the guy in question

I guess I just figure a woman in her 50's would know better by now.

I met her hubs for the first time last week. Felt like crying when I met him, cuz he doesn't deserve this crap, whether she knows what she's doing or not.

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NextTimeAround

· #8 · Nov 23, 2012

I think some women buy into the EA whether consciously or unconsciously because they like the idea of getting affection and material favours without having to "put out." And better still for some, they probably like knowing how pissed it makes the wives of their EA partner.

My exH was a little too courtly to the wives of his friends. These women in turn were dismissive of me. I still feel certain that there was never any interest on either side to take it to a PA.

Sadly, that was when I had bought into the belief that open and honest communication was the way to go in a relationship. All I did was let my husband know where the soft underbelly was. I think a lot of people like kicking others when they are down.

There has been discussion of one sided EAs here. the woman whose husband is a golfing tutor for example..... Maybe the man likes a new object to worship or maybe he doesn't really understand that his object of desire is not going any further, but well it does happen.

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Dollystanford

· #9 · Nov 23, 2012

oh god is this the one that gave her a pair of his stinky old trainers? I still laugh about that

CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #10 · Nov 23, 2012

I remember the golfing tutor now...but I sensed that that woman was using him for her own personal gain, and, as you said above, loving it because she didn't have to put out.

My colleague is literally a 'deer in the headlights' kind of dazed ditz...she really is 'special'. That's the only reason I question any of her behaviour, although like I said, she sneaks off with him alone, so she must know on some level that it's not right.

2ntnuf

· #11 · Nov 23, 2012

It's all good feelings and innocent, "till someone gets an eye put out", so to speak.

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CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #12 · Nov 23, 2012

Dollystanford said:
oh god is this the one that gave her a pair of his stinky old trainers? I still laugh about that

Yes, that's the one! I've started coming into the office for 6:30 again, and he's literally up here waiting for her...gahhhhh! Then, they go for a coffee, then he comes back up here for another 30-45 minutes, at least one more visit before lunch (15-20 min) then lunch, then he comes back with her straight after lunch, then he comes and says good night before he leaves at 2...LMAO! In any normal company, they'd have both been fired by now

anony2

· #13 · Nov 23, 2012

that_girl said:
Sure it can. It's called a crush. Remember having that crush in HS where you were all wrapped up in someone else and they hardly knew you? And if they did know you, and you were friends, they were NOT into you? But you obsessed and in your mind it was more? And you read into everything they said/did/didn't do?

Yea.

You beat me to it. I was going to say the same exact thing.

CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #14 · Nov 23, 2012

Here he comes again for more back rubbing and giggling...4th time this morning. Maybe when I put in for my transfer, I'll tell management WHY I want to get the hell out of here...

.

2ntnuf

· #15 · Nov 23, 2012

CG,

What is the appropriate thing to do about this? Do you think you should talk to her? In a sly way, set her up in front of her husband, boss or other so her and his EA is exposed?

What is the right way to handle something like this?

SlowlyGettingWiser

· #16 · Nov 23, 2012

Originally posted by 2ntnuf
What is the right way to handle something like this?

In MY opinion (of course I'm a snarky be-yotch)...

Leave a big-azz sign (computer printer-generated, of course) posted on a wall in a public corridor RIGHT NEAR HER DESK AREA that says something like...

"Hey, Liz & Tom, GET A ROOM...we're trying to WORK around here!"

Honestly, I'd probably do it if I worked there. I'd keep a straight face, too, the whole time...until I went in the Ladies' Room and busted a gut laughing! :rofl:

I might even tape a pen on a string next to it to 'encourage' people to sign it!

Reactions: 3

CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #17 · Nov 23, 2012

I'm really not sure how to handle this...it's delicate, since this is where we all work. I probably wouldn't expose myself, but if an angry husband or wife surfaces asking questions I certainly wouldn't cover their tracks.

I'd print up stuff on EAs and leave it on her desk, but she'd probably know it was me. :FIREdevil:

To date, I've been kinda hoping for it to fizzle out on its own. At the very least, 3 more years of it until one of them retires. Then, they can do WTF they want, at least I won't have see it anymore.

meson

· #18 · Nov 23, 2012

A one way EA certainly can happen. It happened to me. Since as you observe that she is not the sharpest, she might not have any idea that their behavior is stretching boundaries. Perhaps you can have lunch with her sometime and gently let her know about EAs.

I didn't know about EAs when I was in mine. It took a lot of reading and surfing to get it for me. Only then did I notice that I was escalating contact inappropriately. You might help her with the same wake up call. She probably just doesn't see it yet and she may deny it. I did at first.

BTW, the screen door comment was really funny.

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CandieGirl

Discussion Starter · #19 · Dec 3, 2012

It's 9:00 a.m. and my co-worker's EA partner has been up here at her desk 5 frigging times....since 6:45. He was up here sniffing around when I got in. I think I'm at the point when I'm going to have to say something to the bosses, as I just can't take it anymore.

MrK

· #20 · Dec 3, 2012

CandieGirl said:
Yes, that's the one! I've started coming into the office for 6:30 again, and he's literally up here waiting for her...gahhhhh! Then, they go for a coffee, then he comes back up here for another 30-45 minutes, at least one more visit before lunch (15-20 min) then lunch, then he comes back with her straight after lunch, then he comes and says good night before he leaves at 2...LMAO! In any normal company, they'd have both been fired by now

Sure there can be one sided affairs. I've had many. But these two are in love and they both know it.

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