Its been over a year and a half since I got married to my wife. We did not know each other before marriage except for a couple of months of courtship time wherein the interactions were also minimal. We got married and few months later moved together to a new country where I work. For the first few months after we landed in a new place, it was hell.. Literally. I had to go through the following:
This kind of behaviour stopped after around 9-10 months when we decided to buy a new house and move in. I thought things would get better in the new place with we being in our own place. That dint help much either. But definitely the intensity of fights & arguments reduced. However, the relationship was still in its downward trend non-stop.
All this time she was not working. After a break of around 1.5 years, she has got a job and started working.
In the last 3-4 months, we did have strong arguments and after that would live under the same roof with very minimal basic interactions for at least 2-3 days in row! I have stopped arguing with her these days. If she accuses me of anything, I keep quiet. That will also infuriate her that I am not feeling sorry or apologising. I would not have done anything wrong at all. It will all be her assumption.
The basic problem I understand is that she does not trust me. Not in the sense that I will have an affair. She trusts that I will not do that. At least thats what I think. I would also be very clear on this. I would not cheat her under any circumstances. But with other insignificant things, she does not trust me at all. She does not like me calling and talking to my Mom. She does not want to meet any of my friends. I had to really force her to come a couple of times. After that I have stopped calling people home or going to others houses.
Another problem that I have noticed is that she assumes a lot of things. I would not have said anything like what she claims I did. But she will insist that I said that and start and arguments which will continue for a few days. I just keep quiet without knowing what to do. I am not sure how long I can survive like this.
I am terribly afraid and scared of her, not attracted physically to her anymore, minimal interest to have sex with her, unable to get any emotional connect with her, unable to speak my mind in any form or be myself and feeling totally suppressed and controlled by her.
Nowadays, she has started saying that she wants to leave me after making some money. My understanding is that she just hates living with me. I dont see any point in sticking to someone you are not happy with. So, if she decides to leave me and go, it would not come as a surprise. I am ok with that if that will make her and feel happy in/with life.
I am not sure what is triggering this kind of behaviour in her. Possibly, her parents did not share a good relationship together. This is my inference from what she has told me of them. Her Dad is a chain smoker with occasional drinking episodes. Apparantly, he used to beat her Mom as well which she has witnessed several times. If I open any of these topics for discussion I am dead meat!
Even though I want to save this Marriage, I just dunno what to do in this sitiation!!!
- Violent behaviour (during which she would bite me, scratch me with her nails, hit me and few occasions threw at me whatever came to her hand) by her once every 4-7 days lasting for about 1-2 hours continued with profuse crying.
- Kept repeatedly telling during such episodes that she wanted to 'undo' everthing of this Marriage.
- Did a lot of 'hate speech' (that she hated me to the core) about me on and off and definitely during those violent episodes.
- Highly short tempered and ultrasensitive to any kind of talking I do. I was completely scared to talk to her anything. Because, you never know how it would be perceived and interpreted by her. Her only intention during 'any' conversation was to find fault with what I do, what I talk, how I talk, etc. or end up accusing me of having insulted her.
- Very very adamant and arrogant. Never ever liked to get told anything. Even the most basic things in life and even if done very politely. Rather, she did not even like to do anything that I talk about. She always wanted to do the opposite of what I say.
This kind of behaviour stopped after around 9-10 months when we decided to buy a new house and move in. I thought things would get better in the new place with we being in our own place. That dint help much either. But definitely the intensity of fights & arguments reduced. However, the relationship was still in its downward trend non-stop.
All this time she was not working. After a break of around 1.5 years, she has got a job and started working.
In the last 3-4 months, we did have strong arguments and after that would live under the same roof with very minimal basic interactions for at least 2-3 days in row! I have stopped arguing with her these days. If she accuses me of anything, I keep quiet. That will also infuriate her that I am not feeling sorry or apologising. I would not have done anything wrong at all. It will all be her assumption.
The basic problem I understand is that she does not trust me. Not in the sense that I will have an affair. She trusts that I will not do that. At least thats what I think. I would also be very clear on this. I would not cheat her under any circumstances. But with other insignificant things, she does not trust me at all. She does not like me calling and talking to my Mom. She does not want to meet any of my friends. I had to really force her to come a couple of times. After that I have stopped calling people home or going to others houses.
Another problem that I have noticed is that she assumes a lot of things. I would not have said anything like what she claims I did. But she will insist that I said that and start and arguments which will continue for a few days. I just keep quiet without knowing what to do. I am not sure how long I can survive like this.
I am terribly afraid and scared of her, not attracted physically to her anymore, minimal interest to have sex with her, unable to get any emotional connect with her, unable to speak my mind in any form or be myself and feeling totally suppressed and controlled by her.
Nowadays, she has started saying that she wants to leave me after making some money. My understanding is that she just hates living with me. I dont see any point in sticking to someone you are not happy with. So, if she decides to leave me and go, it would not come as a surprise. I am ok with that if that will make her and feel happy in/with life.
I am not sure what is triggering this kind of behaviour in her. Possibly, her parents did not share a good relationship together. This is my inference from what she has told me of them. Her Dad is a chain smoker with occasional drinking episodes. Apparantly, he used to beat her Mom as well which she has witnessed several times. If I open any of these topics for discussion I am dead meat!
Even though I want to save this Marriage, I just dunno what to do in this sitiation!!!