Hello All,
I've been reading various posts here for a few days and have decided to add what cents/sense I may have.
To begin, I'd like to make a list of my known flaws:
Not so good at communicating feelings, ie: go into my cave.
I bottle up my feelings rather than discuss them as I should.
Not the best listener.
Not so good at planning fun dates and keeping life exciting.
Watching dirty movies.
Not home as much as I should be.
Allow myself to be walked on too much.
I'm separated for almost a month now. My walkaway wife has walked. I'm currently going through the anger phase of the emotional wash cycle so I appologize for any sarcasm/blame, etc. Bare with me. I travel alot for work and am gone about half the year. I know I havn't been there for her as much as I'd like but in my defense, she knew I did this for a living when we met and she chose to marry me anyway. I have been and am continuing to search for a new career that keeps me home more. We've been married for a year and a half when she finally pulled the trigger and called for a separation and divorce. I'm still in shock and can't believe she would do this. I've never cheated on her, never abused her, done my best to keep her safe physically and financially, told her I loved her (and meant it) every day and tried all I could to be the best husband I can be. Shortly after the wedding, the arguments started. The sex began to decline and the anger and blame against me increased. She is on some heavy duty anxiety and depression pills and has severe abandonment and man-hating issues. In order to help boost her confidence, I helped invest in a new pair of tits for her, put a huge down payment on a new car and now that she has a stable career and is making good money, she's gone. During our "happy marriage" together, she has called me a liar, adulterer, non-christian, has called me sick and an addict, has told me I hate minorities, the poor, gays (and pretty much every subculture of humanity except mine). She's held another mans hand and called him her boyfriend in front of me and our friends, has refused me intimacy and said "I'll no longer be your wh0re!" and "I'm not going to be a receptacle for your 0rgasm anymore!" and my personal favorite "F*ck you and your white trash family!". Aint she a sweetheart? I unfortunately didn't act appropriately at that last comment and threw a glass across the room, busted a hole in the wall and peeled out of the driveway. This was a terribly inappropriate action (I've never done that before or since) and I came back shortly afterwards to appologize. However, she was then able to add "You are a violent and dangerous man" to her already long I-hate-my-husband-list.
I, being the weak man that I am, began believing the things she was saying. I was starting to think I really was sick, really was an addict (She was referring to my watching pornography but in my defense her refusal of intimacy was driving me absolutely crazy). I went to marriage counseling with her, even saw an addiction therapist at her suggestion who laughed and said I was a completely normal human being. I even started taking some herbal supplements that are supposed to supress a mans sex-drive. She found them, flushed them down the toilet and accused me of taking the lazy way out. The final straw was at our last counseling session when she accused me of something so horrendous and horrible that the counselor said she was bound by law to call the police and asked my wife if she was absolutely sure of what she was saying. My wife said yes. She then said it's over and she wants a divorce. I am convinced that my wife is completely off her rocker from a lifetime of horrible experiences (of what she's told me anyway. Now I'm starting to wonder how much of it was completely made up), mixing heavy prescription drugs, smoking, birth control and alcohol. I know she can't help the way she is and I wish I could forgive her but recently I've just been so angry with the way she's treated me. She's so willing to throw away everything for some percieved greener grass on the other side. Does she really think, as her friends keep telling her, that she'll be happy elsewhere? I would be willing to forgive and move on if she would just stop being so mean, appologize, tell me she loves me and that she wants to be married. Instead, she's said "Im not in love with you anymore and I just want you to be happy." Sometimes I suspect another man but I cant be sure and honestly I dont really want to know.
We have (had?) a great house together, we are both educated and make a good living. I believe I am far from white-trash and far from any of those horrible things she's called me. I'm already making plans for a new life without her. God willing, I want to go back to school and maybe get an MBA. I want to get more involved with fellowship (as being married to her has alienated almost all my friends and social time) and mission work. I've signed up for some meetups in my city and I have a bright future ahead. These are the things I think of during the Excitement phase. I hope to get back there again soon.
I know that the fault is not completely hers. I have many flaws and am nowhere near perfect but I loved her and I tried my best. I pray that God remove the anger from my heart and allow me to forgive her. I pray the best for her and that someday she may find the happiness she so longs for.
-SCondeck
I've been reading various posts here for a few days and have decided to add what cents/sense I may have.
To begin, I'd like to make a list of my known flaws:
Not so good at communicating feelings, ie: go into my cave.
I bottle up my feelings rather than discuss them as I should.
Not the best listener.
Not so good at planning fun dates and keeping life exciting.
Watching dirty movies.
Not home as much as I should be.
Allow myself to be walked on too much.
I'm separated for almost a month now. My walkaway wife has walked. I'm currently going through the anger phase of the emotional wash cycle so I appologize for any sarcasm/blame, etc. Bare with me. I travel alot for work and am gone about half the year. I know I havn't been there for her as much as I'd like but in my defense, she knew I did this for a living when we met and she chose to marry me anyway. I have been and am continuing to search for a new career that keeps me home more. We've been married for a year and a half when she finally pulled the trigger and called for a separation and divorce. I'm still in shock and can't believe she would do this. I've never cheated on her, never abused her, done my best to keep her safe physically and financially, told her I loved her (and meant it) every day and tried all I could to be the best husband I can be. Shortly after the wedding, the arguments started. The sex began to decline and the anger and blame against me increased. She is on some heavy duty anxiety and depression pills and has severe abandonment and man-hating issues. In order to help boost her confidence, I helped invest in a new pair of tits for her, put a huge down payment on a new car and now that she has a stable career and is making good money, she's gone. During our "happy marriage" together, she has called me a liar, adulterer, non-christian, has called me sick and an addict, has told me I hate minorities, the poor, gays (and pretty much every subculture of humanity except mine). She's held another mans hand and called him her boyfriend in front of me and our friends, has refused me intimacy and said "I'll no longer be your wh0re!" and "I'm not going to be a receptacle for your 0rgasm anymore!" and my personal favorite "F*ck you and your white trash family!". Aint she a sweetheart? I unfortunately didn't act appropriately at that last comment and threw a glass across the room, busted a hole in the wall and peeled out of the driveway. This was a terribly inappropriate action (I've never done that before or since) and I came back shortly afterwards to appologize. However, she was then able to add "You are a violent and dangerous man" to her already long I-hate-my-husband-list.
I, being the weak man that I am, began believing the things she was saying. I was starting to think I really was sick, really was an addict (She was referring to my watching pornography but in my defense her refusal of intimacy was driving me absolutely crazy). I went to marriage counseling with her, even saw an addiction therapist at her suggestion who laughed and said I was a completely normal human being. I even started taking some herbal supplements that are supposed to supress a mans sex-drive. She found them, flushed them down the toilet and accused me of taking the lazy way out. The final straw was at our last counseling session when she accused me of something so horrendous and horrible that the counselor said she was bound by law to call the police and asked my wife if she was absolutely sure of what she was saying. My wife said yes. She then said it's over and she wants a divorce. I am convinced that my wife is completely off her rocker from a lifetime of horrible experiences (of what she's told me anyway. Now I'm starting to wonder how much of it was completely made up), mixing heavy prescription drugs, smoking, birth control and alcohol. I know she can't help the way she is and I wish I could forgive her but recently I've just been so angry with the way she's treated me. She's so willing to throw away everything for some percieved greener grass on the other side. Does she really think, as her friends keep telling her, that she'll be happy elsewhere? I would be willing to forgive and move on if she would just stop being so mean, appologize, tell me she loves me and that she wants to be married. Instead, she's said "Im not in love with you anymore and I just want you to be happy." Sometimes I suspect another man but I cant be sure and honestly I dont really want to know.
We have (had?) a great house together, we are both educated and make a good living. I believe I am far from white-trash and far from any of those horrible things she's called me. I'm already making plans for a new life without her. God willing, I want to go back to school and maybe get an MBA. I want to get more involved with fellowship (as being married to her has alienated almost all my friends and social time) and mission work. I've signed up for some meetups in my city and I have a bright future ahead. These are the things I think of during the Excitement phase. I hope to get back there again soon.
I know that the fault is not completely hers. I have many flaws and am nowhere near perfect but I loved her and I tried my best. I pray that God remove the anger from my heart and allow me to forgive her. I pray the best for her and that someday she may find the happiness she so longs for.
-SCondeck