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Hi I am looking for some advice before I am forced to leave my husband for good. We have been friends for over 20 years but have only been together for 3 years. The problem is his temper. He doesnt beat me but has pushed me around pulled my hair shoved his fingers down my throat strangled me..you get the picture. In the past I have retaliated when he has attacked me, even punching him in the face to get him off me. I would like to stress it has only ever been to protect myself and I realized it isnt a solution and I try so hard now just to take the violence and not try and defend myself but it is so so hard as he is a huge man who spends a lot of time working out. Im very scared of him. He also keeps me prisoner in my own home. He has smashed my phone and computer when I have tried to get help and made threats towards anyone, friend or family that has tried to help me.
We recently moved abroad and I am totally dependent on him after a car accident has left me out of work. He works off shore and money isnt an issue for him.
I have left him very recently for a few weeks but I had to come back as I have no support network over here and also I love him so very much. We agreed to give it one more go. We have had a few rows since my return, which was only a few weeks ago. It hasnt become violent because I have refused to argue but this has resulted in me not being able to put my opinion forward and having to do exactly as he demands without question.
Last night he said he wanted his mother to come and stay. In the past he has told his mother of every little row we have had. All his side of the story and believe me nothing is ever his fault in his opinion and I am always to blame. I said I would rather go and stay with friends while she was here. Apart from her obvious dislike for me my husband and his mother row like cat and dog and I just dont want to be around them. But I did say I was happy for her to come and spend time with her son. I lost my mum a few years ago and I think it is so important to cherish your mum while you can. My husband was furious. He started screaming at me at the top of his voice. He says Im insulting him and his family are not good enough for me. He says his mother will die soon and I am stopping him from spending time with her. I refused to become involved and went to bed where I layed shaking for several hours while he continued to shout abuse at me, turning on the bedroom light and shining a torch into my face demanding that I stay and calling me the most horrible names. I didnt utter a word yet he still accused me of putting him and his family down and said I called them names...obviously all in his head as I swear I didnt say one word. Good or bad. He brought up every past row he could think of, most of which were so far from the truth I had trouble working out that he was talking about. He ended several hours l;ater saying now look what you have done. Well done! You have yet again caused another awful row and I have to go back to work for 3 weeks with this in my mind. You are going to lose me my job or get someone else hurt because I cant focus blah blah blah.
I am at my whits end. I dont know what to do. If I cannot find a way to cope with his outburst Im scared that he will hurt me, or worse. If anyone can help with any ideas I would be forever grateful
We recently moved abroad and I am totally dependent on him after a car accident has left me out of work. He works off shore and money isnt an issue for him.
I have left him very recently for a few weeks but I had to come back as I have no support network over here and also I love him so very much. We agreed to give it one more go. We have had a few rows since my return, which was only a few weeks ago. It hasnt become violent because I have refused to argue but this has resulted in me not being able to put my opinion forward and having to do exactly as he demands without question.
Last night he said he wanted his mother to come and stay. In the past he has told his mother of every little row we have had. All his side of the story and believe me nothing is ever his fault in his opinion and I am always to blame. I said I would rather go and stay with friends while she was here. Apart from her obvious dislike for me my husband and his mother row like cat and dog and I just dont want to be around them. But I did say I was happy for her to come and spend time with her son. I lost my mum a few years ago and I think it is so important to cherish your mum while you can. My husband was furious. He started screaming at me at the top of his voice. He says Im insulting him and his family are not good enough for me. He says his mother will die soon and I am stopping him from spending time with her. I refused to become involved and went to bed where I layed shaking for several hours while he continued to shout abuse at me, turning on the bedroom light and shining a torch into my face demanding that I stay and calling me the most horrible names. I didnt utter a word yet he still accused me of putting him and his family down and said I called them names...obviously all in his head as I swear I didnt say one word. Good or bad. He brought up every past row he could think of, most of which were so far from the truth I had trouble working out that he was talking about. He ended several hours l;ater saying now look what you have done. Well done! You have yet again caused another awful row and I have to go back to work for 3 weeks with this in my mind. You are going to lose me my job or get someone else hurt because I cant focus blah blah blah.
I am at my whits end. I dont know what to do. If I cannot find a way to cope with his outburst Im scared that he will hurt me, or worse. If anyone can help with any ideas I would be forever grateful
