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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It just figures. I was doing so good through the holidays; halloween, thanksgiving, christmas and new years. Now that she's on vacation, visiting her posOM, I feel like it's one step forward two steps back.

She called tonight to 'face-time' the kids, from a sports bar. Obviously having the time of her life. Very happy and smiling, almost seemed drunk yet...maybe new love drunk?

I'm in IC and he tells me that I'm making all the right steps, and I knew this vacation of hers would kill me a little bit inside. This makes her new relationship more real for me. I really want to move on, begin dating, make new friends, all of that stuff. I just don't want to do it too fast, make someone feel like a rebound.

At the same time I'm so tired of hating her. I know deep down that she isn't doing these things to get to me, or make me feel worse, she just wants to be happy. But, we haven't even filed for divorce yet, and shes already moved on so seemingly fast. On the other hand, it almost feels like she face timed the kids from the bar just to run it in my face, how happy she is without me.

I'm not sure what shes thinking by having a long distance relationship while still married (yes, we are ending it, but haven't yet).

Having this site to read every day is the only healthy distraction that I have at this point, so thanks for that everyone!

One day at a time!...hell, one hour at a time... I just want to be at the same stage as she is. Over the hatred, back on track. Living for myself again, getting over having a broken family... she made it seem so easy!
 

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One thought : beware believing the image people put forward. She knew you would see her so she put on her happy face.

I've been faking happy a lot lately and everyone thinks I'm doing so well, so I can say for sure, the face we show the world isn't not always the truth ... Especially when we know the world is watching.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I wish I was better at putting on a happy face in front of her.

At the same time I'm sure she would just say something like "I'm glad you're doing better, or, I'm glad you happier now".

She wants to be my friend, but I really don't want to be hers. Hell if I just get over hating her, I'd be good enough with that. I want my kids to see us still be civil.

To me its like putting toothpaste back in the tube. It's just messy, and it can't go back.
 

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I'm a good faker too. Until something gets to me. A certain song. Or talking about "it". If she's rubbing it in your face, she's probably trying to convince herself as well. Either that or she's the one who asked for divorce and has already gone through what you're going through right now.
 

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Are you doing the 180? You really need to start protecting yourself.

Maybe it's time that you file for divorce instead of letting her call the shots.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I'm trying my hardest with the 180. For the most part I'm succeeding at it. This whole vacation of hers and seeing her appear to be happy, stings. I was pretty good with dealing with the holidays.

I'm doing the NC thing, she always initiates the conversations. Always about the kids or finances that we mutually still have.

The divorce should be initiated beginning of next week, when she returns. We needed more money to get the ball rolling. We have everything split up, a schedule for the kids, both have jobs. We don't own a house. I hope that process can go as smooth as possible.

For the most part we do remain civil, it was just seeing her out at a bar on the phone with the kids that set me back a bit.

I just need to calm down my mind and stop my thoughts from running rampant and taking over at times.
 

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What kinds of things are you doing for yourself these days?

Are you socializing?

How long is her vacation?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm trying to get back in touch with a few friends from back home. Talking with them on the phone helps. It's really weird who is there for you after a great deal of time has passed, that they still care enough to listen to you babble on about your stbx.

I got shifted around at work, to better accommodate my children and their schedule. ( a real plus right now! )

I'm getting back to the gym this coming week when she gets back. (one of my resolutions for the new year)

I signed up for an annual 5 mile run, that I did last year with her and her brother. Going solo this time!

I quit drinking, and smoking(pot), and caffeine. I just need to clean out and all the extra crap doesn't help with my anxiety.

She comes back late sunday night, but I wont have to see her. I'll be dropping the kids off with her mom at her house. I really shouldn't have to see her very often from here on, we do our switches via cay care. Sunday nights are the only nights where I'll be dropping them off at her house.
 

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Looks like you are starting to take care of yourself and moving on. That's good because that's where your focus needs to be and not on her.

Have you looked at the website Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup ? You might find some things to do in your area that you enjoy meet some new people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I am trying to focus on myself, the positive, my kids and not on her.
It's just tough. As I'm sure most, if not all of, you know.
All I have is work and my children. I'm not in my hometown anymore and don't want to go back, because of my kids.

I'll check out that meetup.com site a little more.
Thanks for the suggestion!
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Dolly-
I asked her why she felt it was ok to call from the bar. We had a time set that she would call but the kids were waning, and needed to go to sleep. So instead of putting them to bed without giving her the chance to talk to them, I texted her and told her to call 30 min early. She ultimately blamed me, that she had to call when I told her too.

She was watching a football game, and it would have still be on regardless of being 30 min earlier... mind blowing, I know.

Of course it was my fault!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I really do feel better when I have no contact with her.

I need to maintain this feeling.

I joined a backpacking/camping/winter activities club on that meetup site!

Thanks again for the recommendation, Elegirl, I didn't really know it was that easy to find groups.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Today I got a call from DayCare, the girls were running a fever (twins, so they get sick together usually)

So I let their mom know (remember she is in California on vacation with PosOM, where he lives).

Her response was : Do you need my mom to go pick them up and have them stay over night?

Me : Uhh, no. I got it, I was just letting you know that they didn't feel good. Keeping you in the loop.

Her : Ok, if you need my mom just let me or her know.

Me : Seriously, I got it.

And I do "got it". I don't need her family to fall back on. When we were together it was a different story.

Now I feel like I want to do things myself, to prove that I can, to me and to her.

This made me feel good. I am able to take care of my kids, always have been!
 

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Good for you!!!
I hope that the girls are not getting the flu, that is how it started here...

Keep up the great work with the 180 I have not spoken to h today,,,staying strong only talking aout the kids.....
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I brought them home, gave them some meds, lay them down for a late nap, and they woke up full of energy.

Ate a ton of dinner.

And then of course mom had to face time them again....which I'm fine with, but I hate hearing her voice....lol

She called this time in a vehicle, on her way to somewhere. WIth her PoSOM.

When she was saying 'love you' to our son, he kept on saying, "no mom, I don't want you to love me, I don't love you, no mom".

It was funny for me, and she didn't take it the wrong way.

He's young and says it all the time..

Like if you ask him if he had a good day, he ALWAYS says no, no matter what he did. Ahhh, the innocence of youth, cute.
 

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My two kids are having some seperation stuff going on... My 4 & 7 year old want to me on top of me. I feel like they are starved for affection and it is not like I dont love on them and rock them and hug, and tell them that I love you ... Not sure if they are needing more from me cause they are not getting if from there dad cause I have not seen how they are with him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I can understand that, my kids are the same way.

Though mine are 3 and 1.5 YO twins.

One daughter is lovey dovey and the other is more tom boy, and buddy buddy with her brother.

But they always need to be on or around me. It's comforting, but I think some type of separation something is going on already.

Time will only tell if this will take more of a drastic toll on them.

Part of me is glad that they are so young, and part of me is sad for the fact that they wont remember having two stable parents.

It's something that all 5 of us will have to work on and get through.
 
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