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I decided to pay a visit to the wife of my wifes' AP. The possibility exists that my daughter will be spending time with him in the future, so I wanted to talk to her about her safety around him. Didn't expect her to tell me if he was a molester, but sometimes you can get a clue from someones' reaction to a direct question. Also, I was curious to get some background information on him and to see how his actions impacted his family and friends. Let me start by saying that my wife is 43, 5' 115lbs, asian, very attractive, and very physically active. I have met him pre-affair and he's a balding 57 yo guy about 5'6" and 40lbs overweight. Very non-descript. But what his wife told me blew me away. First, 4 years ago he had a stroke that left him with no nerve sensation in his right side, so he's constantly burning himself. He's deaf in one ear, has circulation issues in his legs and needs Cialis to perfom, been impotent for years. He's an alcoholic, generally ends his night with 2 bottles of fine Italian wine. He also has sleep apnea which requires the machine and mask every night to breath. My wife is going to love that, she's light a very light sleeper and stuffs 2 ear plugs in each ear even when there's silence. Financially, he signed the house over to his wife, he has no health insurance and is still paying the hospital for his stroke. He has a $200.00 credit card bill on a card he had to negotiate a settlement on. He has to pay $800.00 month for child support. His wife said that there have been times where he was unemployed for years while she worked 7 days a week to pay the mortgage. She told me he makes $50,000yr, my wife makes $8000.00. Adding up their rent (had to have an expensive loft, 3 beds, granite and high end appliances, he's driving a mercedes, must be trying to trick us all into thinking he's a 6 figure guy), and estimating all the other expenses, my guess is that they're at least a couple of hundred a month short. On top if that, my wife (not him) had to get a $2800.00 cash advance on her card to pay the up front expenses for the apartment, and they signed a 1 year lease and are on the hook for $15,000 with that. My wife is in extreme panic mode since even a financial moron like her can see they can't afford it, but she also can't afford to stay in her 1 room apartment alone either. Hence the call I get a few nights ago that she wants to come back. I really thought it would take 6-8 months for this to implode, but she surprised me and cut that in half. Kudos. As far as the wreckage on his side, none of his children speak to him, in fact his oldest son changed the locks on the house. His wife is in therapy and on 2 meds. It's only begun and i can't wait to watch the drama unfold. The night my wife called to ask to return home, one question made me chuckle. She asked, "You talked to his wife, do you think she would take him back?":rofl:
 

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I decided to pay a visit to the wife of my wifes' AP. The possibility exists that my daughter will be spending time with him in the future, so I wanted to talk to her about her safety around him. Didn't her to tell me if he was a molester, but sometimes you can get a clue from someones' reaction to a direct question. Also, I was curious to get some background information on him and to see how his actions impacted his family and friends. Let me start by saying that my wife is 43, 5' 115lbs, asian, very attractive, and very physically active. I have met him pre-affair and he's a balding 57 yo guy about 5'6" and 40lbs overweight. Very non-descript. But what his wife told me blew me away. First, 4 years ago he had a stroke that left him with no nerve sensation in his right side, so he's constantly burning himself. He's deaf in one ear, has circulation issues in his legs and needs Cialis to perfom, been impotent for years. He's an alcoholic, generally ends his night with 2 bottles of fine Italian wine. He also has sleep apnea which requires the machine and mask every night to breath. My wife is going to love that, she's light a very light sleeper and stuffs 2 ear plugs in each ear even when there's silence. Financially, he signed the house over to his wife, he has no health insurance and is still paying the hospital for his stroke. He has a $200.00 credit card bill on a card he had to negotiate a settlement on. He has to pay $800.00 month for child support. His wife said that there have been times where he was unemployed for years while she worked 7 days a week to pay the mortgage. She told me he makes $50,000yr, my wife makes $8000.00. Adding up their rent (had to have an expensive loft, 3 beds, granite and high end appliances, he's driving a mercedes, must be trying to trick us all into thinking he's a 6 figure guy), and estimating all the other expenses, my guess is that they're at least a couple of hundred a month short. On top if that, my wife (not him) had to get a $2800.00 cash advance on her card to pay the up front expenses for the apartment, and they signed a 1 year lease and are on the hook for $15,000 with that. My wife is in extreme panic mode since even a financial moron like her can see they can't afford it, but she also can't afford to stay in her 1 room apartment alone either. Hence the call I get a few nights ago that she wants to come back. I really thought it would take 6-8 months for this to implode, but she surprised me and cut that in half. Kudos. As far as the wreckage on his side, none of his children speak to him, in fact his oldest son changed the locks on the house. His wife is in therapy and on 2 meds. It's only begun and i can't wait to watch the drama unfold. The night my wife called to ask to return home, one question made me chuckle. She asked, "You talked to his wife, do you think she would take him back?":rofl:
Effing hilarious! :rofl:
 

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IF she does come back

1. No contact ever with OM
2. Total transparency
3. She will pay off her debt she incurred with OM - you won't pay a dime or sacrifice anything for it.
4. She goes to therapy to understand what she saw in such a wreck and looser.

Also if this guy drinks that much - has she started too?
 

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No but he said she wants to and didn't give an answer

I wasn't admonishing him for assuming he wants to R I was just seeing if he's actually given rational thought to the pros and cons.

This stuff is waaaay emotional and many often find it difficult to be rational about it
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IF she does come back

1. No contact ever with OM
2. Total transparency
3. She will pay off her debt she incurred with OM - you won't pay a dime or sacrifice anything for it.
4. She goes to therapy to understand what she saw in such a wreck and looser.
Also if this guy drinks that much - has she started too?
This
 

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No but he said she wants to and didn't give an answer

I wasn't asmonishing him for assuming he wants to R I was just seeing if he's actually given rational thought to the pros and cons.

This stuff is waaaay emotional and many often find it difficult to be rational about it
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for sure, the feeling of being plan B during R would be worse than most
 

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She needs therapy to help her figure out why she'd go for this guy.I feel like a therapist might tell her it's bc he's a loser and the underdog...she needed to feel needed maybe.she needed to be with someone who needed her more than she needed him?

that's how i see it if I had to make a guess.
Hopefully she has seen her way through the fog and is ready to make some serious changes.
Is there a way the two of you can live apart and work on things?Living apart while working on the marriage would prove that she wants you back bc she realizes she made a huge mistake and wants to fix it for the right reasons.If she wants you back because of financial backing or anything like that,she'll reject the idea of living separate while working on the marriage.
 

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IF she does come back

1. No contact ever with OM
2. Total transparency
3. She will pay off her debt she incurred with OM - you won't pay a dime or sacrifice anything for it.
4. She goes to therapy to understand what she saw in such a wreck and looser.

Also if this guy drinks that much - has she started too?
Thats a good start....

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