[Just a tired Marine]

Hey everyone. I'm new to this site and still trying to get the hang of things. I'm a Marine that recently return from a tour in Afghanistan. I married my wife 8 months before the deployment (we have been married for 19 months now). I have been dating her for almost 7 years now. The things is, I found out she was cheating on me while I was gone and I don't know how to confront her about it. I found out after I got injured and was sent to Germany to recover. While in Germany I called a close friend of mine which informed me about my wife. He said that he went out on a date with his girlfriend at the Universal City Walk (for those who don't know, City Walk is where Universal Studios Hollywood is at and it's a popular place for dates) and saw my wife with another man leaving the movie theater. As they (my wife and the unidentified man) walk out, they kissed each other. Later, I call my sister and find out that she had gone to visit my wife and heard moaning coming from the house. My sister left, shocked knowing that I was not in there with my wife. My question is, what do I do now? Thank you in advance.

 

[underwater2010]

Start digging through her computer and phone. Find what evidence you can and then sit her down and ask her if she is having an affair. She will probably lie until she realizes that you have proof. Let us know what happens and then we will advise you from there.

On a side note, I cannot stand women that cheat on our soldiers. It takes a special woman to be a warriors wife.

 

[survivorwife]

I am so sorry for what you must be going through.

How do you confront? You need to prepare. Detach. Assuming that you believe what you heard from others, you do need to detach your emotions from your thought processes. You do this so that whatever she says to you, you won't do anything you'll regret. Prepare for the worst.

What do you want? Do you want to R (reconcile) or do you want a D (divorce)? Before you even speak to her, know what your "deal breaker" is in your marriage. Be prepared to act upon your decision. First of all, it's what YOU want, and not what SHE wants.

You will get great advise here.

 

[underwater2010]

Also, do you have kids?

 

[Just a tired Marine]

I don't have any kids or any on the way. As of now, if everything I know (thus far) is true, I will most definitely divorce her. If she did this during my time of need, I can't imagine what else she has done or will do.

 

[Exsquid]

Evidence, evidence, evidence. If you are a firm believer in what she did is the end all be all for your marriage. Collect as much information as you need to present to the court. If you don't have many marital assets, don't worry about the evidence for court. Just collect all the information you need to make the correct decision in your mind.

It's sounds like she has cheated on you. I am not sure how long you have been in the know but I assure you it will take some time before you really come to grips with what has occurred. I know fro experience that when we find out about our cheating wives we men have a tendency to not want to believe the facts of what we are hearing at first. Once you have proof, take some time for yourself and begin to sort things out in your head.

I am sorry you are here. Just do your best to listen to the advise from the more seasoned members of this forum. There are a lot of very intelligent, well informed people on here. I am not sure I could have gotten as far as I have without the support of these good folks.

I would recommend an ICC if things become too much to handle. You like so many of us are at the beginning of the most traumatic event in our lives. Do yourself right. Take care of your self and make sure you get all the information you need.

 

[Just a tired Marine]

I figured that evidence is key to this (otherwise its just a rumor). I have noticed a few changes. The problem is that it can be dismissed as a coincidence. For instance, she has new "sexy" clothing that she didn't have before. But she claims that it was a surprise for when I got back. Her hair is a different color, which is weird because she never dyes her hair. The biggest give away is that all of our pictures have been taken down (and by "OUR" I mean pictures of both of us together) from the wall. I'm at home now and she left her phone here. I have checked for calls or text messages but nothing has came up. But that might be the case because it seems that she just recently deleted all calls and text messages. I'm going to check her email and her laptop. Maybe I'll find something there.

 

[KanDo]

Go online and check the phone records. If you have detailed billing you can see the numbers she has been calling by time of day. Sorry you are here

 

[Just a tired Marine]

I didn't think about that. It's time to pay the phone bill anyway. Might has well download the call records. Thanks for the tip.

 

[Dad&Hubby]

Good luck.

Most importantly. Thank you for your sacrifice for us and our country.

I feel for you. Trust is something that is key to any relationship, but for a soldier on deployment...I can't even begin to fathom. I'm truly sorry.

 

[Falene]

My heart and sorrow goes out to you. You deserved so much more and did not have any of this coming.

 

[the guy]

I suggest you leave her in the dark, get all your ducks in a row, make a plan and work the plan.
The way I see it she left you in the dark, so why not rturn the favor.

maybe your plan could consist of you waiting for a girls night out back your thing and leave with out a word, on the exact same time she gets served divorce papers.

This senerio works good if there are no kids and you have very little assets together. It is also possibly that now that you are back she has cooled it off or even stop her affair and you may never get any proof and alls you will get is lies and deniel..

Why deal with that crap when you can just bail and leave her in the dark.




On the other hand she maybe continuing the affair, are ther any red flags since you have been back? If she is going out alot and is keeping her cell phone close at all times and you have unexplained times were she is unacountable then you may elect to get the evidience and go nuclear.

By going nuclear you have enough recon info to expose the affair to the OM wife/girl friend, family and friends. with the right evidence you can expose it to her family also.

I'm sure you love her or maybe you did and this deal breaker is just to much and all the foot work to gather proof is not worth it.

So before you confron deside if you want this marriage or not.

Again there is a good chance that your WW stop when you got back...but maybe not. So last question ...is there enough red flags to go James bond On her @ss and gather the proof?

 

[the guy]

Btw thanks for your service...if it wasn't for you I would be dealing with jadji at my front door!

 

[Thor]

Get yourself tested for STDs. Dig into the cell phone records. Look at phone calls, the numbers she called regularly, any odd times like late at night or early morning. Anything out of normal. Texting patterns and quantity. Emails. Browser history.

Do you trust the people who told you? Are they rock solid witnesses and loyal to you? No conflict of interest or possible other agendas in those people?

If you find them 100% believable, you can make your decision without further evidence. You don't have to prove anything to anybody with CSI level evidence. You just have to prove to yourself that you know she violated your limits.

 

[the guy]

we all know she had an affair, and the picture deal seems hard to explain, but the big question is it still going on?

What was her reason for taking down the pics?

Has she been responsive when you came home, or was she all good for a few days and is now being distant.

Thats the thing with this adultory, its adddicting so there is a good chance its still going on.

 

[Just a tired Marine]

Actually, you have a good point. I can't account for my wife when I work. There are some days that have a 42 hour work day. During my working time, I usually don't call home as I am to pre-occupied with the task at hand. There are also times where she does go out. The thing is, she is gone for 5,6,7 hours at a time. That is a bit excessive for anyone, especially for a married woman. This also bothers me because I have been back for almost a month and we spend a few hours together. I have seen my friends and the rest of my family more than I have seen my wife. The crazy thing is that I live with her.

 

[Thor]

I figured that evidence is key to this (otherwise its just a rumor). I have noticed a few changes. The problem is that it can be dismissed as a coincidence. For instance, she has new "sexy" clothing that she didn't have before. But she claims that it was a surprise for when I got back. Her hair is a different color, which is weird because she never dyes her hair.

Yeah, there is always a tiny 1 in a billion chance on almost anything other than catching her in the act yourself. It can be maddening, and it puts you in limbo. BTDT. You keep looking for the smoking gun, but when you find it there are no fingerprints on it. So then you look for the irrefutable proof, which puts you further out into the limbo loop. And she cannot prove she did not stray.

I think it a better approach to first really think about your own limits and requirements. What is the line in the sand for you where you would D? At the other end of the spectrum, what are your needs and requirements in a wife?

If you don't have limits, you will let things get stretched with each new red flag. If you don't know what you want and need, you'll let her get away with poor behavior (whether or not she has strayed).

 

[So Sad Lady]

I am glad you found this site, but sad that you had a reason to.

Things that may seem to be a coincidence may actually be your intuition kicking in, and not a coincidence at all....I agree with trying to find as much evidence as you can before you confront her. Be prepared for the answer. Whether it's the painful truth, a trickle truth, or a blatant lie. You never know what to expect.

Keep posting here. You'll get a lot of good feedback and advice from this group. A little community that none of us ever wanted to be a part of.

Thank you, for your time, sacrifice and service to our country.

You deserved a helluva lot better homecoming than this..

 

[underwater2010]

I am sending you a big hug and ***** slapping your wife!!!

 

[Just a tired Marine]

It might be my intuition or just denial playing its part. Either way, it really sucks having to come home to this. I will divorce her if everything happens to be true. I'm just trying to have a peaceful time at home, but I can't with all of this happening. My sources are very loyal. They have no need to lie. They actually liked my wife, until what they saw/heard.