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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I are in a seperation....

We have been together for 9 years and its coming down to this,
He dosent like how I look (I'm on the heavy side) but I don't look horrible. And I am lazy... Kind of... I get that way when I am depressed. I have no motivation to clean or cook, I have no motivation to work on myself. That is depression. So he didnt even notice that I have been depressed for years. So it has been getting worse and worse. I don't remember the last time he gave me a complament without me having to ask. He said he got with me because he saw potential. She had an ideal of what I should be and what he wanted in his head when he married me, unrealistic and unfair. I have loved him through thick and thin like a wife should, I have stood by him when he needed me most, and I have helped him overcome the death of his mother who I personally took care of. He tells me he loves me. We buy a new house in my name. He decides 2 weeks after papers are signed and that its our that he dosent want to move because he dosent believe I will change. My problem... he hasnt done anything to instill motavation from me to work on our relationship. He hasnt tried to be nice, or loving. I'm not asking him to change his apperence or to give up anything. Juist asking for emotional support in a way that a loving spouse is suppose to. We stopped talking. we stopped having sex. and just existed under the same roof going about our day to day.

No he is staying at the old house, and i am in the new. We agrees a trial seperation was needed. But he is wanting to see other people and is already talking to another woman, an ex... I have a fear about exes from my own past experences and he KNOWS THIS!! but he is still doing it any ways. He is depending once again on another person to make him happy. He tells me he loves me. He cries when we talk about our feelings. We love each other... How did it get to this point... I feel ashamed, I feel like a failure, I feel like i lost the best thing in my life. I love him, and he is looking elseware. But he keeps telling me he loves me too.
 

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Oh my poor poor dear, I can see how you are really hurting.

I want you to reread your post after you answer this question.

Who is responsible for your happiness? You? Your family? Your Husband? Your friends? Your boss?

You, my dear, must take yourself to the doctor and get enrolled in some good therapy. Depression is not something that we cause but it is something with which we can learn to cope and that's what therapy is for. First improve your mood, second improve your mind.

Once your mood is better, you're on your way to improving your coping skills you will become a more dynamic zesty woman. I'm going to be honest with you here and I do hope you take this the way it was intended, to plod you toward the kind of woman I'm sure you once were and wish to be again. You husband is probably not reacting to the weight gain as much as he is reacting to being blamed for your unhappiness. Men can overlook all kinds of things women notice and focus on. But what they can never over look is if their woman either blames them for being unhappy, or puts too much pressure on them to make them happy. Just like women respond to confident men, men respond to confident women.

I hate depression. It totally sucks! But now that you recognize it for what it is, you can devote yourself to getting rid of it and enjoy life once again!
 
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