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Am I wrong about my feelings about him and her?

3924 Views 30 Replies 12 Participants Last post by  turnera
I have been with this man for 24 years and we have a adult son together. My boyfriend who started talking to another women online he says they are just friends. That he was talking to her because is is in a abusive marriage. I was ok with that until I walk in the room and he hides his chats with her from me. He said it is her private life stuff and none of my business. I feel if he has to hide a conversation with another women from me that he shouldn't be talking to her. This went on for a year they would chat on yahoo messenger . I would tell him how much it hurt me that they would talk for 6 to 8 hours every night and not spending time with me. her and he wouldn't . I sent her a message about how she is tearing up out relationship. Here is some things she said to me copied from her message.

1. i haven't told him to change...he spends a lot more time online for it nly to be with me.

2. we talk about music, life singing..Contests that's it...I'm not gonna run away with him...nor do i wanna break you two up.

3. him and i are close friends

My feelings but not sure I'm right

I am so confused is he talking to her about her marriage or what she said they talk about?

I think if her husband was abusive to her and she said he don't work he would know she was chatting online with him and not aloud it to happen.

I don't see any husband letting his wife talk to another man online all night in private and not get mad or stop her or leave.

She always uses fake names online but I have pics of her she has posted to other sites of her. I want so bad to know her real name.

I hope someone has some advice that will help me know if I'm crazy or if I am right about this .
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If he is hiding his chats, they are talking about more than the things she said.

What I did in a similar situation was to install a keylogger on his computer without him knowing. I found out what they were really talking about.

You said that if she is married, how could she spend 8 hours a night online with your bf. Well how is it that you boyfriend and spend that much time online with her? She's living with you and he does it. It seems like being in a committed relationship does not mean much to either of them. Nor does it stop their hours at a time chatting.

If she has multiple accounts under fake names, she could be con artist. Has she asked your husband for any money? Has he sent her any money?

You need to find out what's going on. This is your life. He is taking your right to make your own decisions away from you. He is lying up a storm. No man spends hours a day with a woman that he's not in love with or not trying to get sex from.
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Is your husband aware that she has profiles under different names on different sites?
Usually I do not like But this is one time that I think it might be a good idea.

Once you find out as much info on her as you can, post screen shots of her profiles with her picture and her other names on

Then open a gmail account under a fake name and send your husband the link to the cheaterville page and her other profiles.

If you find out that she is married, send it to her husband as well.

Watch what happens.
Out of curiosity why don't you like cheaterville?
There are many reasons why I don't like it.

One is that anyone can post anything about anyone. There is no vetting of information, there is no way for a person to protect themselves from lies being posted on that site. It's basically guilty with no chance of proving innocent. And anyone who is upset with anyone can ruin them by posting on that site and then sending the link out.

Here on TAM, it's usually suggested that men post on there to out the OM. Then it's suggested that links to the cheaterville page to be sent to people who know the OM.

Now the OM can lose his job for this. I know.. no one has sympathy for the OM. But what about his wife and children? Do they deserve to be plunged into poverty?

I would lose my job if my name showed up on a site like that and a link went out to anyone I work with or our customers. I'd have to move fast to clean it up and prove that I innocent of the attack and did not bring that on myself. It would not even matter if it was true or not. Just the bad internet expose is enough. This is especially true if the place I worked was mentioned.

I've seen people post the OM's name, where he works, his work phone number, etc. This is what people on TAM suggested they do, and they do it.

But of course the BS does not usually put their own WS's name up there with all kinds of personal info. After all, they don't want to be pulled into that mess. they don't want any fallout from it to hurt themselves or their children.

It's right up there with the Jerry Springer show. I find it beyond tacky to spread the drama of one's life all over the internet.

The only reason that I suggested it to the OP is so that she could anonymously inform her husband about this woman's other names and profiles on other sites. And I don't suggest that she leave it up for very long either, just long enough to inform her husband and the OW's husband if there is one.

I don't know her computer and web skills. For me? I'd just create a temp web page using a free service like WIX or one of many others like that and keep it up long enough to inform. Then take it down.
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