Wow, not crazy. I'd say you have every right to be uncomfortable with this. This isn't about control (I bet you dollars to donuts that he accuses you of trying to control him when expressing your frustration over this) it's about him crossing boundaries that haven't been clearly identified. A married man should not remotely be that emotionally close to another woman, and yes it's emotionally that close because if it wasn't, he wouldn't be so defensive about it.
Further, his excuses just don't hold water. You can't see their chats because it's some random internet woman's "private life"? Married people are certainly allowed to have independent aspects in their lives, but none of it should be kept private from their spouse, period. If a friend of mine ever says to me, "Hey don't tell your wife but..." I always tell them that unless it's some kind of surprise party/gift for my wife, then they had better not say anything at all because I'm not going to keep anything secret from my wife.
As for what they are discussing, I wouldn't be surprised if they did start off at some point by discussing her flawed marriage. (Side note, a married man should NEVER EVER put himself in a role of trying to help a married woman with her marriage issues) From there I am sure it progressed to what it is today, an Emotional Affair, or "EA" for short as we call it around here. In many ways an EA is just as destructive as a physical affair. I can also assure you that your husband will deny it if you tell him that he's having an emotional affair, as it is also very common for folks in an EA to be living in complete denial of the wrongness of their actions. He's likely fooled himself into believing that he hasn't done anything wrong just because he hasn't had sex with her yet, but in reality he knows it is still at least somewhat wrong or he wouldn't be trying to hide anything.
I'd say you need to force something here. Insist that you and he go see a marriage counselor of some kind. If that doesn't work, I'd see an attorney to draw up divorce papers and consider filing. Remember, even if you file that doesn't mean the marriage is doomed, but you need to deliver him a wake up call that says you aren't going to put up with this a minute longer, that you don't need him, and will move on unless he changes his tune completely, immediately.
Further, his excuses just don't hold water. You can't see their chats because it's some random internet woman's "private life"? Married people are certainly allowed to have independent aspects in their lives, but none of it should be kept private from their spouse, period. If a friend of mine ever says to me, "Hey don't tell your wife but..." I always tell them that unless it's some kind of surprise party/gift for my wife, then they had better not say anything at all because I'm not going to keep anything secret from my wife.
As for what they are discussing, I wouldn't be surprised if they did start off at some point by discussing her flawed marriage. (Side note, a married man should NEVER EVER put himself in a role of trying to help a married woman with her marriage issues) From there I am sure it progressed to what it is today, an Emotional Affair, or "EA" for short as we call it around here. In many ways an EA is just as destructive as a physical affair. I can also assure you that your husband will deny it if you tell him that he's having an emotional affair, as it is also very common for folks in an EA to be living in complete denial of the wrongness of their actions. He's likely fooled himself into believing that he hasn't done anything wrong just because he hasn't had sex with her yet, but in reality he knows it is still at least somewhat wrong or he wouldn't be trying to hide anything.
I'd say you need to force something here. Insist that you and he go see a marriage counselor of some kind. If that doesn't work, I'd see an attorney to draw up divorce papers and consider filing. Remember, even if you file that doesn't mean the marriage is doomed, but you need to deliver him a wake up call that says you aren't going to put up with this a minute longer, that you don't need him, and will move on unless he changes his tune completely, immediately.
