Am I too jealous?

1695 Views 9 Replies 9 Participants Last post by KathyBatesel, Nov 29, 2012

manonfire

Discussion Starter · Nov 29, 2012

My wife and I sort of have this give and take thing on jealousy. But lately, she is in more of this ' I don't give 2 ****s what you think, I'm going to do what I want ' thing going.

For instance, on facebook, we have this deal going we won't add ex's, etc. She doesn't like me adding attractive girls, I don't want her adding guys. It's not that big of a problem, but I added an old friend not too long ago and she literally freaked on me. Hey, I broke our rule, I admitted it. Though she never let it go and still was really mad at me, though I admitted guilt and deleted her.

Anyways, my problem is with this. I personally think yoga pants, or those skin tight thin pants, are really trashy and I don't want her wearing them. She's really attractive and I have problems with men staring enough as it is. Again, my personal opinion. I don't really care what other women do. Lately, regardless of the fact that it bothers me to no end, she has picked up some 'work out pants'. Slightly thicker, yet still skin tight, and she wears boy shorts under them when she works out. I can see the lines that create a visible profile of her ass. I ask her to wear some of those spanky shorts, or whatever like volleyball chicks wear, under them to take away the lines. I even said she can use my card to buy them if she wants. She yells, screams, calls me horrible nasty things, tells me she is loosing feelings do to me controlling her. This argument stems to other arguments. I simply want her to change under wear or wear regular sweat pants like she did for years. But she is adament on being trashy, though I ask her nicely not too.

Am I asking too much? I don't yell at her, call her a *****, or nasty names. But simply ask her nicely to change, because it bothers me. She refuses to compromise.

Am I being too crazy?

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AFEH

· #2 · Nov 29, 2012

This sort of thing is so situational dependent. If she’s doing it to attract attention from other guys and is behaving in ways such that she does, then your jealousy is well founded. It will make you feel exceptional insecure in your relationship with your wife.

If she truly is “out on the pull” as though she were single and had no care for you at all, then spy on her for about a month and see what turns up. Don’t challenge her any more, just become cool with it and give her free rein. Kind of like long enough to hang herself with.

Those feelings of jealousy are there for a reason. They’re a very big Red Flag telling you to discover what’s really going on in your wife’s life.

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DedicatedDad

· #3 · Nov 29, 2012

If she is freaking out about changing underwear, you may have a much bigger problem on your hand.
I would do the James Bond thing and find out exactly why my wife would fly into a rage over such a small thing. There's something else going on here, because your wife's response was way over the top. Trust your gut on this one, something is definitely out of whack here. Time to put your spy hat on.

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tryingtobebetter

· #4 · Nov 29, 2012

Well, I never asked my wife to dress less sexily, just enjoyed it when she did. Both of us past the age where skin-tight would look good now, so it is all history any way.

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DayDream

· #5 · Nov 29, 2012

You want to dictate to her what she works out in?

Boy shorts have a lot more material than bikini briefs or g-strings...you're acting like she's wearing a g-string with her work out pants.

The thing about yoga pants is they are extremely comfortable to work out in. You're moving constantly, and there is no extra fabric to chafe specifically because it is skin tight and stretchy. I own tons of yoga pants. I love them.

IMO, you are kind of being ridiculous if she has done nothing to indicate that she's trying to get OM attention.

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40isthenew20

· #6 · Nov 29, 2012

Having your wife dress sexy shoud be applauded, not discouraged. Just because she goes to the gym looking hot doesnt mean she's blowing someone in the locker room.

I encourage my wife to buy more revealing clothes because she looks nice and I have no self esteem issues about her straying. If she is going to do it, wearing tight pants wasn't the factor, anyway.

Lighten up, bro. And check your blood pressure.

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ExitMusic

· #7 · Nov 29, 2012

I think she did overreact, but the bottom line is it's your problem, not hers.

But besides tight gym wear is everything else fine?

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manonfire

Discussion Starter · #8 · Nov 29, 2012

I don't think she's doing it necessarily to attract attention of OM, but she has had self-esteem issues in the past. IE, she only recently discovered her true attractiveness once I unlocked it. I encourage her to work out and better her self, I only ask her meet me half way on this issue. Do I think she is cheating or anything of the sort? - No.

Its hard to explain, but I have this defensive mechanism that kicks in when I notice men staring at her. I have no problem with people taking an 'initial glance' because I know its hard to not to just glance for a split second. But you keep your composure and look away, especially if her man is with her, out of respect, but not everyone in the world has my discipline. I have a problem with men blatantly staring for more then 1 or 2 seconds, enough for me to give them an extremely dirty, I'm going to murder you look, and as much as to verbally confront them about it.

I just have this subconscious itch that because of those lines, men are creating a profile of her ass. Because its something I use to do at the gym, and I'm not half as piggish as half the men on this earth.

It's a little unconventional, and probably not too normal. But I have met way more jealous / insecure guys. And I just want to know if this is out of line. If we were 30, I may think about it a little differently, but we're so young, and I know sometimes she misses the world outside of being married.

And regards to if everything else is fine - Everything is generally good in our marriage. Besides my slight jealousy / crazy issue, that causes her to be very mean to me, and say she can't be with someone like this, everything else is fine. Every now and then she throws out a 'you're not mentally there for me enough'. But, I try. I'm in the military, currently deployed, limited communication, stresses of my job, funds, all sorts of things. I admit, I'm not the best husband, emotionally, but I do support her in every way. When I was young, my parents had a nasty divorce. I promised my self I would not be that way to my wife. I do not yell, scream or say extremely nasty things out of spite. She does these things, and it does hurt. But I am a man, and I man up and just try to be the support beam for the marriage. Sometimes I believe, I am too nice and it invites her to walk on me. It takes a very extreme situation for me to yell or cuss wildly or take things she tells me in confidence that bother her, and use them against her (Things she does to me). I couldn't honestly tell you the last time I yelled. If I get mad, I just kind of close my eyes, take a breath, and say what I would yell, calmly. Does being calm and held back usually give way to the other spouse being extremely rash, and border line cruel?

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diwali123

· #9 · Nov 29, 2012

Yes you are too jealous. It's ridiculous that you want her to change underwear so that other men don't think about her butt. Different people like different things, and some men might not find bit shorts hot. When she's alone how on earth does other men looking affect you in any way? So now she's responsible for what other men think? Why does it bother you?
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KathyBatesel

· #10 · Nov 29, 2012

manonfire said:
Its hard to explain, but I have this defensive mechanism that kicks in when I notice men staring at her. I have no problem with people taking an 'initial glance' because I know its hard to not to just glance for a split second. But you keep your composure and look away, especially if her man is with her, out of respect, but not everyone in the world has my discipline. I have a problem with men blatantly staring for more then 1 or 2 seconds, enough for me to give them an extremely dirty, I'm going to murder you look, and as much as to verbally confront them about it.

I just have this subconscious itch that because of those lines, men are creating a profile of her ass. Because its something I use to do at the gym, and I'm not half as piggish as half the men on this earth.

If I get mad, I just kind of close my eyes, take a breath, and say what I would yell, calmly. Does being calm and held back usually give way to the other spouse being extremely rash, and border line cruel?

I'd flip out on you, too. So what if someone "creates a profile" of my body? It's not like I'm gonna rush out and have wild monkey sex with them. Your insecurity isn't about the other men. It's a message that you think your wife is too weak to deflect them.

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