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Hello all,

I posted up here before about being 36 weeks pregnant and hormonal lol and reading into things but basically I am looking for honest opinion on a friendship I had.

I grew up with this girl and we were closer then sisters, we moved to america together and she stayed in Nyc whereas I didnt really feel it was me and i left.

I moved back home and we lost contact, we then friended one another on facebook I had met my fiance and was engaged and she had a child and was engaged, she invited me to her wedding and i was more then thrilled to go with my fiance, we flew to nyc where i met my brother and the 3 of us went, we gave her a 500 dollar voucher I got her daughter a gift etc.

At the wedding we did say hello and hug outside the church but that was the extent of it, we were sitting on the total edge of all the tables i dont mind that but she did not come over to us once to say hello. the following morning i went up to her room to say goodbye and give the gift for kaylegih and she seemed unemotional (i was crying to see her) and distant really, she only said to me wow u are so skinny do u eat anything...and obviously thank you for coming.

I went away feeling a little empty but then again what did I expect, we were such an important part of one anothers lives it just was a bit of a weird feeling, i had planned to get married 4 months later she said she wouldnt miss it for the world, i didnt hear anything from her no thank you card or nothing and then after me asking her i was told i am pregnant I cannot come.

I didnt even get a wedding card from her, less close friends sent me cards, I did feel hurt.

We were friends on facebook and it always seemed me messaging her, no reply and then she would send an odd message and not get back to my reply etc.

I recently found out i was pregnant and yes I have gotten a few brief messages saying i am so happu for you, wish you the best and some comments on my posts as well.

Basically i just still felt like i had not told her how i felt and with hormones flying all over my body one night i messaged her and explained how i felt and that i thoguht she was fake and i couldnt be bothered to care anymore.

I got a message back saying i am illegal here and cannot fly, i knew that but i was just thinking why did you not just tell me that and be honest, rather then acting like u really arent making an effort, she said when you have two kids get back to me, but surely with children you still have 5 mins to send a thank you card or to acknowledge a person or send a wedding card.

She basically said she thought my message was immature and i needed to grow up and move on, I should be focusing my efforts on becoming a mother and this should be a exciting time...

this really got to me and made me feel like crap like i am totally out of order and not happy about my child, i love my baby and i am totally excited it really hurt me.

I am just wondering what do you all think i mean was i out of line.... :-(
 

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thanks Satya, I have low self esteem and question myself alot, I need to believe in myself and my convictions and move on from people who obviously dont really care as much as I do.

Its definitely a mental thing with me, i have been a bit low the past while so i guess i am just being really negative.

thanks alot for your input.

Much love.x
 

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I don't think you have done a thing wrong. Your friend is being insensitive and isn't prioritizing your friendship as much as she once did. This is sad and unfortunate, but it's not uncommon when people get married, have kids, and find themselves interacting with the new people in their lives. This is especially true since the two of you no longer live near each other.

Also, although you haven't mentioned any signs of this at all - if her new marriage isn't as good as she'd hoped or if there's any type of abuse at all going on, there could be other pressures on her to not be in touch with you. This might possibly explain the lie, too.

You may be able to mend the rift by letting her know your reaction was simply because she means the world to you and you miss her and wished that you were important enough to find time for in her busy new life.

It may take a little while for her to come around, but I believe she will.
 

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Hi Kathy,

You may have hit on something there, you never know, as the following day after her wedding when i called to her room to say goodbye he was like we need to start moving stuff to our new room its not gonna move itself something very ignorant like that.

I just thought it was rude to say while i was there if you know what I mean, god only knows really, but she comes across very happy in pics with her kids. You are so right who knows what goes on in peoples life.

I have anxiety myself and a habit of focusing on my husband and our relationship and questioning, i have been told on here i am co dependent and fear abandonment, at the end of the day we all have our issues. No one is perfect but she kind of acts like she is.

I dont find her honest or the person she used to be, it was hard for me but now i have emailed her i am going to move on, I really dont want to mend things as i feel we have changed as people and even though she does have her own family she is pretty self centred and looking back she was always like that.
 

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Hi Kathy,

You may have hit on something there, you never know, as the following day after her wedding when i called to her room to say goodbye he was like we need to start moving stuff to our new room its not gonna move itself something very ignorant like that.

I just thought it was rude to say while i was there if you know what I mean, god only knows really, but she comes across very happy in pics with her kids. You are so right who knows what goes on in peoples life.

I have anxiety myself and a habit of focusing on my husband and our relationship and questioning, i have been told on here i am co dependent and fear abandonment, at the end of the day we all have our issues. No one is perfect but she kind of acts like she is.

I dont find her honest or the person she used to be, it was hard for me but now i have emailed her i am going to move on, I really dont want to mend things as i feel we have changed as people and even though she does have her own family she is pretty self centred and looking back she was always like that.
Great friendships are treasures. I hope that you'll both find a time and place where the hurt fades and you do have an opportunity to be the supportive pals you once were. Good luck to you and to her. After what you said about his comments when you visited, it does seem that he's a bit controlling and insensitive to her needs.
 
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