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Discussion Starter #41
You knew he was an alcoholic before you married him. You had to know that the possibility of really sucky times was more likely to happen than not. You said that your sex life was amazing in the beginning and he was sober at that time. So he is very capable of this. How far sober was he at the point of time that you met? Was he on the same meds at that time? Meds can be a real bear on the libido.




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Actually I didn't know much about alcoholism since I'd never dated one before and his mom and I talked at length about it and she was adamant it was a label he'd been given by his very overbearing ex wife years ago.

When we met and married he didn't drink but was very very affectionate. Then he started to drink casually and it was fine... Until it wasn't months later and I realized that he actually had a real problem. Then when he quit, sex then went with it.
So.... This is a new thing for me, understanding alcoholism and it's affects. Sigh.
I'm working to understand but I just get really bummed about the intimacy suddenly screeching to a halt 馃槶
 

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Tired of feeling like I have to beg for it.


It's degrading to have to constantly ask to be desired. 馃槥
That's how it always is with a low sex or no sex drive partner. It never gets better. EVER!!! I know, because I've waited 27 years for my wife to change and it doesn't happen. At one point you are so dead inside you no longer care about anything. The only thing that kept me going was the kids.
My wife even said the same thing your husband did, about how I could have it more often if only..... But that's not true, I've tried everything. What amazes me is how after all these years she still wants to make me feel like the terrible one somehow. Take my advice, GET OUT NOW!!!
 

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My opinion is that you need to realize that he is a imperfect human being with emotions and needs and wants also. It is not all about you. Expecting amazing sex everyday is unrealistic.

If you love him, you would realiZe that this is just a small bump in the hopefully very long road you guys have together.
YOU HAVE NO CLUE, PLEASE DON'T GIVE ANY MORE ADVICE!! HONESTLY, THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE READ.
 

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Ok obviously that's not true... But it did get your attention XD
Obviously it's not true, no women have high sex drive, they just like to pretend it's true.

Don't mind me, just coming off a relationship with a woman who all intents and purposes was asexual (unless a movie star decides to drop into her bedroom want to be friends)
 

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I'm always touching him telling him he's gorgeous, telling him how much I want him.
I've touched him in bed to get him, or at least part of him, excited... But then he's "tired" and nothing happens.
Or he'll after a week of nothing, be in bed and"want" me. So then he gets off but I'm left without the finale.
I've told him how this makes me feel. He says he'll work on that. But here I am... Again... Very sexually frustrated .
Just move the f... on. There are many hundreds of thousands of good people (and most of them male) who would appreciate you. Drop the dead wood.
 

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Discussion Starter #46
Obviously it's not true, no women have high sex drive, they just like to pretend it's true.

Don't mind me, just coming off a relationship with a woman who all intents and purposes was asexual (unless a movie star decides to drop into her bedroom want to be friends)
I'm sorry to hear this... You clearly got the short end of the stick. I get it!!
Truly we're out there. Maybe we're like unicorns and we just need to find our other unicorn.... Expect we think we found one but it's just a damn horse when a cone taped to his damn head and your like "ah ****!!!". Ok silly analogy but it's true. I feel totally like I'm starving.....馃槶
 

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Discussion Starter #47
That's how it always is with a low sex or no sex drive partner. It never gets better. EVER!!! I know, because I've waited 27 years for my wife to change and it doesn't happen. At one point you are so dead inside you no longer care about anything. The only thing that kept me going was the kids.
My wife even said the same thing your husband did, about how I could have it more often if only..... But that's not true, I've tried everything. What amazes me is how after all these years she still wants to make me feel like the terrible one somehow. Take my advice, GET OUT NOW!!!
Sigh. I tried again this morning.... Touched him until his manly parts were at attention 馃槈 kissed his neck and told him how gorgeous he is etc... But...
He grumbles at me instead and rolls over.

I told him about it later because he could see in my eyes that I was sad today but we'll go to bed and nothing will happen this evening again. And I'm trying really hard not to feel rejected. I honestly wish I could take something, some sort of pill, to make me not interested in sex so I could just not care anymore.
I've been divorced and I really really didn't want to do that again but this lack of intimacy unless it's when he's interested (not often these days) just frankly sucks.
So I'm here venting.
Funny thing about sex. The less you have of it, the more you think about it and want it!
 

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That's how it always is with a low sex or no sex drive partner. It never gets better. EVER!!! I know, because I've waited 27 years for my wife to change and it doesn't happen. At one point you are so dead inside you no longer care about anything. The only thing that kept me going was the kids.
My wife even said the same thing your husband did, about how I could have it more often if only..... But that's not true, I've tried everything. What amazes me is how after all these years she still wants to make me feel like the terrible one somehow. Take my advice, GET OUT NOW!!!
I was married to my husband for just shy of 13 yrs after being together for almost 20, it was sexless for nearly 10. The ****er cheated on me with a 19 y/o and I divorced him. I know too well the pain of constant rejection, lying next to someone who says they love you but won't touch you.

My ex had all kinds of excuses... he didn't know why he wasn't interested, he had erectile dysfunction, it was too much "work" to have sex with me (I like a lot of sex) and it was easier to masturbate, he was put off by what I wanted (a little kinky action, he was super vanilla and refused to experiment) and finally, he was in love with someone else and hadn't been attracted to me in years.

It will never get better, he is who he is, while you will die piece by piece inside and lock down part of yourself just to get through each day.

Sigh. I tried again this morning.... Touched him until his manly parts were at attention 馃槈 kissed his neck and told him how gorgeous he is etc... But...
He grumbles at me instead and rolls over.

I told him about it later because he could see in my eyes that I was sad today but we'll go to bed and nothing will happen this evening again. And I'm trying really hard not to feel rejected. I honestly wish I could take something, some sort of pill, to make me not interested in sex so I could just not care anymore.
I've been divorced and I really really didn't want to do that again but this lack of intimacy unless it's when he's interested (not often these days) just frankly sucks.
So I'm here venting.
Funny thing about sex. The less you have of it, the more you think about it and want it!
Girl, after my divorce, I went almost insane as it came back to me full force after locking my drive down completely to cope. I no longer deal with anxiety, or insomnia and have stopped taking the meds I was taking to hold myself together.

I've been divorced twice now, I didn't want to a second time and was prepared to live my life celibate for"love". Love yourself enough to make a hard decision now, and not 10 or 20 years from now when the best part of your life has passed you by.

It's hard to start over, hard to face the unknown, it's always "easier" to deal with the devil you know. If you don't have children (I can't remember if you said or not), just let him go. You will find love again and have sex again with someone who wants YOU.
 

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Obviously it's not true, no women have high sex drive, they just like to pretend it's true.
This is not true.

a woman who all intents and purposes was asexual (unless a movie star decides to drop into her bedroom want to be friends)
I think this is frequently true. I think more women than men choose to be in a relationship with someone they do not find particularly attractive. Which leads to the false conclusion that many / most women are asexual. They are not. They are simply unmoved by their current partner.
 

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Discussion Starter #50
It's hard to start over, hard to face the unknown, it's always "easier" to deal with the devil you know. If you don't have children (I can't remember if you said or not), just let him go. You will find love again and have sex again with someone who wants YOU.
We don't have kids together.
Thankfully I don't believe he'd be a cheater like my rotten ex H.
Things might change for a few days but then it's back to the usual routine and I realize & have already known, you can't change anyone.
I'm getting my career in order because I'm in the process of changing things up and I'm getting my ducks in order if things won't get better. I hope of course for him to snap out of this funk because I do love him but the loneliness at times is horrible. And once you've been married, and stayed knowing it wasn't going to get better but you tried anyways, you don't want to repeat history.
I'd rather be lonely and single than lonely in bed next to a man.
 
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