Talk About Marriage banner

41 - 57 of 57 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
166 Posts
I am sorry that you reached this point in your marriage. I'll try to get the story straight from your various posts. Your wife is your first everything, but you are not her first. After you guys got married she cheated on you with her ex-boyfriend, the baseball player, got pregnant, and got abortion. You stayed together but it looks like you dealt with her cheating by sweeping under the rug this episode and went on with life. You cheated on her 3 times in your 20's and then once in your 30's. You both cheated on each other without seeking counseling or therapy, right? You are both bitter against each other, but it looks like you are staying together for different reasons without trying to face or try to solve your problems. You start to avoid each other and resent each other. She doesn't like your jokes and you are not attracted to her anymore. Looks like you both reached a point where it is too late to repair your relationship. You think that you didn't get enough women in your life because you decided to marry your first love, and this is making you resentful of her and causing you to look outside your marriage for sexual experiences.
I think your confusion stems from the way you have been dealing with your problems. You don't seem to take the time to process anything. Stop and think about your situation without contacting ANY woman online or in real life. Stop any contact with women and think how best to handle this situation. Contacting women, even platonically, will add to this mess, and will hurt you and everyone around you.
Have a calm and honest conversation with your wife for once. If you think you guys cannot have this conversation by yourselves right now, have it in the presence of a marriage counselor. Your goal is not to reconcile at this point; your goal is to divorce and agree on the best way to handle this divorce such that it has the least negative effect on the kids. I think this is where you should start right now. Good luck!
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
8,210 Posts
Welcome to TAM! How are you finding the support so far?
As you may have noticed, there is little tolerance for infidelity, regardless of circumstance. Given that many folks who find themselves here, were lied to and betrayed, it's rather understandable.

Questions my dream girl and myself has
Is it really worth staying with my spouse knowing it is going nowhere due to the kids?

*Whether or not you decide to remain married to your spouse should have NOTHING to do with either the kids or your DG.

Can a bad marriage bleed over affecting kids?

*Yes. You should do some research. The only legitimate reason, given my awareness of circumstances for NOT divorcing, was a fear that a parent was incapable of being a responsible, or making decisions for the benefit of the children. In other words, without the offset and healthy balance of one parent, the other was nothing but a wrecking ball.

Is it worth divorcing over the girl that you have like 50 commonalities that you know we will never have a dull moment in life?

*Again, if you are looking to divorce based on a 'swapout' you are looking at the entire circumstance from the wrong lens.

Can a divorce enhance kids lives ever?

*Yes. Anyone who fails to acknowledge this is being disingenuous, or just bitter. But, it's also not common. It REQUIRES the divorced parties to continue co-parenting and operating under what best serves the kids needs. Hint ... a set of parents that can focus on nothing other than mutually assured destruction, or tripping the light fantastic with shiny new partners is never a recipe for success. It requires substantial interaction, understanding, and respect between the parties ending their marriage.

We are both scared about this situation and just head over heels about each other. We have spouses that are good people but love is just not in the ever for years.

*Scared of what exactly? If you continue to have an affair, given that you are both married, you are each literally walking around with live hand grenades, just waiting for them to go off. And they will. They always do. And it won't be pleasant ... for anyone. You both need to get your literal houses in order before you start trying to build one together. Else, it is quite simply all a fantasy. None of it is real. It's little captured moments in a bubble that hit your brain like heroin ... literally.

Should my dream girl and I give it a go with each other even though we have small kids.

*Umm ... sounds to me like small kids haven't prevented you from giving anything 'a go'. Decide what you want. Where do you want your life to go? How do you want to live it? Just you. Not your spouse, not your girlfriend, not your kids. And then do that. Anything else? You're just making a bigger mess.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,659 Posts
I think you should be honest with any women you date and just tell them you're not marriage material and not try to marry any of them because you don't want marriage. The problem with guys like you being single is you're going to hurt a bunch of women cuz you're not going to be honest with them. Because you feel honest right up front that you're a cheater and aren't ever going to be happy with one woman, very few of them would date you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: TXTrini

·
Registered
Joined
·
546 Posts
Ha! I was the OW a couple of times and somebody’s dream girl, oh how good we were together, childlike and perfect sneaking away from bills and housework and real life! Such fun! Such plans for the amazing fun futures we were going to have!! (didn’t known one was married, marriage ending because he was into wife 2, lucky me I was number 3!)

Thing is, I didn’t hold a candle to the women dealing with these crazies, I grew up and repented. One badmouthed the ‘ex’, the other didn’t mention his long-term girlfriend not ever.

So textbook, all of it yeah?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
546 Posts
I wouldn't say allow you to cheat. I can live without it. Divorce is seen as bad in my religion. I have been on anti depressants which decrease my sex drive which is ok for me but not my wife.
Divorce is seen as bad in my religion... pick and choose eh? That one about adultery?

Our deputy Prime Minister, a very religious man devoted to his faith, and a staunch hater of same-sex marriage (because marriage is sacred) got a staff member pregnant. Affair became public, he leaves wife and 4 kids because... ‘I don’t believe in abortion’. 😂😜😂😂

Pregnant dream girl was a short fattish thing with a piggy face. 👍
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,500 Posts
If you want us to tell you yes, go ahead and blow up your children's world, because that's what divorce will do, you're not going to get it. If your children really were paramount to you, you'd do everything you could to keep their family intact. You would cut off all contact with the other woman, you would go to your wife and tell her that you finally get how your cheating has affected her, ask her forgiveness and tell her that you want the two of you to go to marriage counselling together and fix this thing.

Divorce is seen as bad in my religion... pick and choose eh? That one about adultery?

Our deputy Prime Minister, a very religious man devoted to his faith, and a staunch hater of same-sex marriage (because marriage is sacred) got a staff member pregnant. Affair became public, he leaves wife and 4 kids because... ‘I don’t believe in abortion’. 😂😜😂😂

Pregnant dream girl was a short fattish thing with a piggy face. 👍
Ah yes, good ol' Barnaby, that should have been his side piece's first clue hey? I too love how he hides behind his religion and the "sanctity" of marriage, lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,377 Posts
I have a super confused and almost scary problem.

I am a Dad of 4 in a marriage of 17 yrs. I married young to my 1st girlfriend. Problem we are not the same as we once was and this has been years. I am super silly, I love to joke. She has always tried to change that. She loves to talk but when I have something on my mind it is never recipicated in discussíon due to lack of interest, kind of makes her mad with all my interest. For the last decade, I do not make out with her. I avoid sex with her. I hate to say it but I have also stepped out of the relationship for some chemistry which I have found in the past. We almost have 0 commonalities.

I met a girl in the same position as me. Everything the same. Crazy thing is we have so many things in common. We are super physically attracted to each other and are lives and interests are the same all the way to out dog breads we love, we are kid like and have fun/great relationships with our kids. To be honest I would say dream girl but would be an understatement. She is scared because she feels the same way. We have never had sex even. Usually sex is a huge attraction but I just want to be in her presence. I can't even fathom not having her in my life one shape or another. Chemistry is off the charts.

I know we would be awesome with each other's kids and our kids would likely be awesome too.

Questions my dream girl and myself has
Is it really worth staying with my spouse knowing it is going nowhere due to the kids?

Can a bad marriage bleed over affecting kids?

Is it worth divorcing over the girl that you have like 50 commonalities that you know we will never have a dull moment in life?

Can a divorce enhance kids lives ever?

We are both scared about this situation and just head over heels about each other. We have spouses that are good people but love is just not in the ever for years.

Should my dream girl and I give it a go with each other even though we have small kids.

(She is a math teacher and I practice emergency medicine)
(My wife is a stay at home mom that has yelled at me almost everyday. Makes me feel inadequate. She is still a good mom and loving though.)
You sound so selfish and self centred, ready to blow up your family for butterflies, which incidentally will also fade with time. You are also a cheater. You have 4 kids and love to be silly etc, I guess your poor wife has to be the grown-up for the family. Do your wife and kids a favour and ask for a divorce, why not follow your bliss and see where it takes you. At least your wife can move on with someone who cares for here, doesn't cheat on her and step outside the marriage. Do the right thing for once in your life and set your poor wife free.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,377 Posts
Yeah, everyone knows about my past about cheating. I don't even see this other girl really. Throughout the years it seems like I get online searching. But that's the thing. Our bad marriages worth getting out if you believe it is toxic to kids when my wife and I are so mean to each other which she cannot control in front of the kids. I have asked her numerous times to go to MC and even told her years ago I was thinking of divorce.
you cheat on her and you expect her to be nice to you? God, you are really a self centred prick. Don't you think that your selfish behavior has destroyed your marriage. Let you wife go to find someone decent.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
546 Posts
Ain't nothing to be confused and afraid of Dawg. You come to the right place and are fortunate enough to have the right people, me if I do say so myself, to guide you. You're the type cat that's going to be seeking poon tang on the side. I can tell from the way you talk. You recently found a chick that's got you torqued up and you want to get in her pants. What you are telling us about the state of your marriage, not having sex, et cetera, is your rationalization to horse around. The, "I have so much in common with her" is basically a BS feeling bought on by you wanting to melt into that puzzy. Its you brain playing tricks on you man. But don't mind me. Once you tap it a few times and it gets a little routine, you'll see what I'm talking about and you'll be out trying to line up another piece of strange, who is your soul mate. If you admit it, you probably felt the same way about your wife, you remember, "I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy", when you wanted a piece of that.
Cut your wife loose my man. Don't hang around for the kids. All that's going to do is screw up them as they become aware their daddy hates momma and is out chasing bush. Your wife probably has some fine loving she can give to a man that cares about her. Why not free her up so some new guy can enjoy what you've grown tired of and let him and her love her taking the reins in bed, making up for what you've deprived her of for year. In return, you'll be unencumbered to pursue any chicks with the same attributes as your latest interest.
Now this is just brilliant 👏👏👏
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,159 Posts
Yeah, I got married at 22. Maybe I'm just broken.
Oh for god's sakes, you're not broken (although people on infidelity boards love to claim cheaters are 'broken'). You foolishly married too young - been there, done that. Except, I was smart enough to eventually realize it and left a few years later, and I'd wisely chosen not to have kids with him.

I'm not going to ride you about cheating, I simply want to say that you don't realize it, but you've painted this woman as the perfect creature because she REPRESENTS a way 'out' for you. She's what you call an 'exit affair.' Lots of people use the exit affair as their reason to leave a marriage - I guess they need a big enough incentive to leave. Look at you - you've supposedly been unhappy for a few years but it's only now that you've met the 'woman of your dreams' that you're thinking of leaving. She's your incentive, is all.

Ain't nothing more than an exit affair.

Look, the marriage sounds like a trainwreck anyway. Stop the nonsense thinking that you 'have to stay together because of the kids." That is SUCH a load of crap.

Just leave. But leave for yourself, NOT for someone else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,318 Posts
Divorce is seen as bad in my religion... pick and choose eh? That one about adultery?

Our deputy Prime Minister, a very religious man devoted to his faith, and a staunch hater of same-sex marriage (because marriage is sacred) got a staff member pregnant. Affair became public, he leaves wife and 4 kids because... ‘I don’t believe in abortion’. 😂😜😂😂

Pregnant dream girl was a short fattish thing with a piggy face. 👍
Is he The 'Honourable' Michael McCormack?:ROFLMAO:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,222 Posts
I think when my wife met with her ex that is a professional baseball player whom she got pregnant with (abortion), it screwed me up. She says it wasn't like that.
This part of the story keeps bugging my mind. You met and married this woman at 22. She has an ex. Ex-husband, or Ex-boyfriend. Is your wife significantly older than you? You married at 22 and are now 40. 18 years and 4 children. Marriage has been off for 10 years. Your first affair was at year six. Just thinking that you were involved in affair before you stopped having kids.

OK OK the math is a mess, but somehow in the flurry of having 4 kids in 8 years, not only did you manage an affair, your wife "met with her ex". Was the pregnancy and abortion prior to your meeting her, or a result of her meeting with him? Because if they got together to have lunch and to discuss what a **** character you were for having an affair while your wife was pregnant, I'd give her a pass for that. As she said "it wasn't like that".

Honestly there have been enough wake up calls in this thread. You think this next woman is the one that will save you. But you don't even know her. Mirroring is the most common grooming technique. How much money have you sent so far?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,194 Posts
Haha no, his predecessor, Barnaby Joyce.
And, IIRC, he had a second son with his gf? And he used the name for his first son that he and his actual wife had picked out in case they ever had a son? He’s an “interesting” character. (I always read the DM Australia section — wouldn’t miss it.)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,500 Posts
And, IIRC, he had a second son with his gf? And he used the name for his first son that he and his actual wife had picked out in case they ever had a son? He’s an “interesting” character. (I always read the DM Australia section — wouldn’t miss it.)
Yep that's him. A complete knob jockey. He's a joke, no one takes him seriously.
 
41 - 57 of 57 Posts
Top