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Thank you for the reply. I think I waited so long due to religious reasons, loyalty, and kids. Divorce really wouldn't be for the woman because kids are paramount to me. Thanks for your non judgemental reply.
Why should we be non-judgmental? Did you come here for help or validation? And so much for your religious reasons and loyalty.
 

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Discussion Starter · #22 ·
What details would you like?
In addition what religious reasons do you have to stay but allow you to cheat?
I wouldn't say allow you to cheat. I can live without it. Divorce is seen as bad in my religion. I have been on anti depressants which decrease my sex drive which is ok for me but not my wife.
 

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Discussion Starter · #23 ·
Why should we non-judgmental? Did you come here for help or validation? And so much for your religious reasons and loyalty.
Pretty much for help with my emotions. Wife is completely against marriage counseling and she comes from a culture that they say every man cheats and they continue to stay.
 

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Pretty much for help with my emotions. Wife is completely against marriage counseling and she comes from a culture that they say every man cheats and they continue to stay.
Here's all you need to know. Divorce her and go play with your new friend. That's what you're going to do anyway. You don't care what your wife wants.
 

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So did you meet this lady on line? How often do you see her?
 

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Look, timing is not the issue man. You have kids, right? So be a good example to them and show some integrity. If you MUST divorce, do so before you start pursuing other women. However, before you implode your kids' lives and your wife's life, and yours, you might want to consider marital counseling. You can talk to a doctor about changing your meds if it's effecting your sex life, you can go to individual counseling to address your issues.

The big thing I notice here is that you think you are fully formed and unchangeable like stone, and the fact that your wife is also unhappy makes you immediately move to another woman. The issues you have in a relationship will come up again and again if you don't address what it is within you that is allowing you to be unfaithful. For the record, yes, 3 times counts as a serial cheater. No wonder you describe your wife as somewhat angry and bitter. You now have a pattern. Move the focus away from your wife because you can't control what she does. You may have had your reasons to want validation, or whatever, but in the end you made the CHOICE to cheat. What are you going to do to address that?
 

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
So did you meet this lady on line? How often do you see her?
Never seen her before but it was online. She is in a similar relationship. I know my wife and I have a compatibility problem. This woman and I have mirror lived. We volunteer teaching kids. We love our work. It's like talking to myself. All the same interests and when I say all, it's dang near all. We even have the same pet leaves. I say she is my twin is so awkwardly similar.
 

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Discussion Starter · #29 ·
Look, timing is not the issue man. You have kids, right? So be a good example to them and show some integrity. If you MUST divorce, do so before you start pursuing other women. However, before you implode your kids' lives and your wife's life, and yours, you might want to consider marital counseling. You can talk to a doctor about changing your meds if it's effecting your sex life, you can go to individual counseling to address your issues.

The big thing I notice here is that you think you are fully formed and unchangeable like stone, and the fact that your wife is also unhappy makes you immediately move to another woman. The issues you have in a relationship will come up again and again if you don't address what it is within you that is allowing you to be unfaithful. For the record, yes, 3 times counts as a serial cheater. No wonder you describe your wife as somewhat angry and bitter. You now have a pattern. Move the focus away from your wife because you can't control what she does. You may have had your reasons to want validation, or whatever, but in the end you made the CHOICE to cheat. What are you going to do to address that?
I have changed my meds multiple times and I see a physchologist and psychiatrist on a regular basis. I'm trying. The anger and bitterness started before though and having a special needs daughter even pushed her away more. Cheating came after.
 

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Never seen her before but it was online. She is in a similar relationship. I know my wife and I have a compatibility problem. This woman and I have mirror lived. We volunteer teaching kids. We love our work. It's like talking to myself. All the same interests and when I say all, it's dang near all. We even have the same pet leaves. I say she is my twin is so awkwardly similar.
So you think this lady who you have never even met in person is the love of your life? What site did you meet her on? Have you ever spoken to her? Seen her? Has it occured to you that she may be saying that she does things just because you do?
 

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Discussion Starter · #31 ·
So you think this lady who you have never even met in person is the love of your life? What site did you meet her on? Have you ever spoken to her? Seen her? Has it occured to you that she may be saying that she does things just because you do?
Exercise forum. Have talked to her about all our commonalities and I can tell the like goes both ways. Never met her in real life and may be a crash and burn. Sex will most likely not happen because we like each other too much or because we just won't go there. My testosterone and desire for sex is much lower now at 40. Should I meet her in person to say yay or nay? Or just continue to tolerate my spouse? She is someone I would like at my bedside when I did, just not one I feel attracted to or compatible with anymore.
 

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Discussion Starter · #32 ·
What details would you like?
In addition what religious reasons do you have to stay but allow you to cheat?
I am christian. I believe everyone has inate sin since Adam and Eve and all sin is equal in the eyes of God. Even Abraham had another marriage and a kid out of wedlock. So, I do believe people can do great things and do disgusting things. I grew up baptist and my wife catholic. It's the question of toleration vs happiness in my mind. I'm super all over the place though.
 

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Exercise forum. Have talked to her about all our commonalities and I can tell the like goes both ways. Never met her in real life and may be a crash and burn. Sex will most likely not happen because we like each other too much or because we just won't go there. My testosterone and desire for sex is much lower now at 40. Should I meet her in person to say yay or nay? Or just continue to tolerate my spouse? She is someone I would like at my bedside when I did, just not one I feel attracted to or compatible with anymore.
My advice, leave her. If you truly care about her, spare her from having to make the decision to leave you. She's clearly not going to. I speak from first hand experience that I am currently dealing with. I'm choosing to live in limbo even though I'm angry and hurt because I wasn't ready for my life as a I knew it to be over. He's literally still living here with me, playing house. Every day I get a little more bitter, so this is likely where your wife is.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind about your wife, but you're afraid to pull the trigger.
 

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I am christian. I believe everyone has inate sin since Adam and Eve and all sin is equal in the eyes of God. Even Abraham had another marriage and a kid out of wedlock. So, I do believe people can do great things and do disgusting things. I grew up baptist and my wife catholic. It's the question of toleration vs happiness in my mind. I'm super all over the place though.
If every sin is equal then divorce. Your kids will be fine. Do they know you cheat?
 

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You are very confused and all over the place in your thought patterns. You say you're a Christian, but none of what you've morally rationalized includes seeking God's perspective. You believe your main problems are external (wife, marriage, no doubt APs at some point if not already), but they are internal. You won't be able to sort out what might be external until you take care of your own broken thinking.
 

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Exercise forum. Have talked to her about all our commonalities and I can tell the like goes both ways. Never met her in real life and may be a crash and burn. Sex will most likely not happen because we like each other too much or because we just won't go there. My testosterone and desire for sex is much lower now at 40. Should I meet her in person to say yay or nay? Or just continue to tolerate my spouse? She is someone I would like at my bedside when I did, just not one I feel attracted to or compatible with anymore.
Have you ever spoken to her? No your shouldn't meet her because you are married. I am just trying to find out if she is actually a real person.
 

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I am christian. I believe everyone has inate sin since Adam and Eve and all sin is equal in the eyes of God. Even Abraham had another marriage and a kid out of wedlock. So, I do believe people can do great things and do disgusting things. I grew up baptist and my wife catholic. It's the question of toleration vs happiness in my mind. I'm super all over the place though.
Abraham disobeyed God totally when he had a child outside his marriage and the consequences of this have been vast. Not all sins are equal in their consequences.
 

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Do not stay married for the kids. I repeat, do not stay married for the kids. My parents stayed. They have a terrible marriage. Do not put your kids through that.

Why don't you divorce, get counseling, get your head straight and figure out what you want in life?

Your kids need a stable parent. When you are all over the place they know and they become anxious and insecure. Get some help. Get a divorce.
 

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What would have been best for the kids is if you went about things in the right way, like divorce due to incompatibility and not because you have been cheating. That will scar them for life, and of course once old enough they'll know you are a cheater during marriage, so that's what you've taught them.

The right thing would have been to be by yourself for awhile and concentrate on your kids, placing them first, taking care of them literally half the time sharing joint custody with your wife, and getting them through this transition, not dumping a new woman on them. You are going to be very busy taking care of kids and working at the same time, so what has been recreational with the new woman is about to become inconvenient for both of you. And yes, she'll get tired of your joking.
 
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I have a super confused and almost scary problem.
Ain't nothing to be confused and afraid of Dawg. You come to the right place and are fortunate enough to have the right people, me if I do say so myself, to guide you. You're the type cat that's going to be seeking poon tang on the side. I can tell from the way you talk. You recently found a chick that's got you torqued up and you want to get in her pants. What you are telling us about the state of your marriage, not having sex, et cetera, is your rationalization to horse around. The, "I have so much in common with her" is basically a BS feeling bought on by you wanting to melt into that puzzy. Its you brain playing tricks on you man. But don't mind me. Once you tap it a few times and it gets a little routine, you'll see what I'm talking about and you'll be out trying to line up another piece of strange, who is your soul mate. If you admit it, you probably felt the same way about your wife, you remember, "I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy", when you wanted a piece of that.
Cut your wife loose my man. Don't hang around for the kids. All that's going to do is screw up them as they become aware their daddy hates momma and is out chasing bush. Your wife probably has some fine loving she can give to a man that cares about her. Why not free her up so some new guy can enjoy what you've grown tired of and let him and her love her taking the reins in bed, making up for what you've deprived her of for year. In return, you'll be unencumbered to pursue any chicks with the same attributes as your latest interest.
 
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