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I agree with the previous two posts.
There will be some kind of "Manufactured" crisis with your Ex, designed to reel you in.
Perhaps her and the kid get into it, and he splits. He's going to reach out to you.
I'm sure that it is because of his respect for you, FUELED by the fact that he wants you back in his and his Mom's life.
Ex is home mopey and miserable. Eventually, she's gonna take a swing at getting back together.
Attempted calls, texts, cards, letters, gifts, etc may be very well coming your way.
You may come home some night and find her on your stoop.
She'll probably say or do anything to get you back.
Stay strong. You have taken the best action possible, blocking the "Circusbarkers."
This has not even started to play out yet.
 

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Interesting you predicted that. Lately over the past week or so I have gotten calls from common friends of ours asking me how I am doing. Just out of the blue. Some are people I have not talked to since I broke up with her. I am polite but while I'm talking to them I'm thinking "Why the hell are you calling me?" The talk is superficial and pointless. I'm thinking Sarah is sending out her birdies gathering intel on me. I'm thinking of just screening all my calls from now on.

The common friends are not really your friends but hers. She is fishing for information that is the only reason they are contacting you.

If you have no objections or use for these people block or ignore any efforts they make to communicate with you. Discard them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #848 ·
The common friends are not really your friends but hers. She is fishing for information that is the only reason they are contacting you.

If you have no objections or use for these people block or ignore any efforts they make to communicate with you. Discard them.
It's all weird. I guess I had the love goggles on and wasn't able to see her friends for the immature infants they are. Now that I look back with clearer eyes, all her crowd acted more like partying college kids than adults. I partied myself out in the '80s. I have lived every type of debauchery there is and then some, but those morons just never knew when to leave the party.
 

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It's all weird. I guess I had the love goggles on and wasn't able to see her friends for the immature infants they are. Now that I look back with clearer eyes, all her crowd acted more like partying college kids than adults. I partied myself out in the '80s. I have lived every type of debauchery there is and then some, but those morons just never knew when to leave the party.
She hasn't quite grown as much as you. If you try to restrict you, she will resent you and do what she wants anyway. You'll end up divorcing her on her terms and to her advantage, not yours.
 

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Discussion Starter · #851 ·
She hasn't quite grown as much as you. If you try to restrict you, she will resent you and do what she wants anyway. You'll end up divorcing her on her terms and to her advantage, not yours.
It's funny. One night many months ago before the breakup she and some of the friends were sitting around a fire pit talking about all the "crazy" stuff they did in high school and college, and I was just smiling and shaking my head. So when it got round to me I didn't say a word, because if I told them stuff I had done back when I was in bands and living the rock and roll life, Sarah probably would have broken up with me right then and there.
 

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If you guys get me drunk enough I may tell you about a game we played back in the day called "swing 'n snatch". It consisted of a semi nude girl, a swing, a bed, and a crowd of horny, coked up guys.
That sounds like one hell of a fun time, lol.

I did so many things when I was younger that I will take to my grave. My wife has heard a lot of them, but there are some that even after 30+ years she would say WTF?
 

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Hate to tell you Arthur, that stories of debauchery in many circles attract women. It casts a "bad boy" image on even the straightest looking guy. You might have created a dynamic where her friends would try to break you up so they could be with you. Aside from that, this whole thing smacks of immaturity on Sarah's part and her friends. This is so "high school" it turns my stomach. Sounds to me as if Sarah has such utter lack of maturity that she could be convinced back into a toxic relationship that had failed previously. As I have stated before, be wary. I am hearing the beginnings of a scenario where her girlfriends will be calling you to tell you how bad she is doing, how she misses what you had, and how BAD she feels for making a gigantic mistake and how you should not hold it against her, and how you should be her knight in shining armor. Blah blah blah. Reality has a way of smacking the monumentally stupid in the face.
 

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It's funny. One night many months ago before the breakup she and some of the friends were sitting around a fire pit talking about all the "crazy" stuff they did in high school and college, and I was just smiling and shaking my head. So when it got round to me I didn't say a word, because if I told them stuff I had done back when I was in bands and living the rock and roll life, Sarah probably would have broken up with me right then and there.
Sarah probably would have broken up with me right then and there.

No. As a narcissist her little crew is there to validate her but not outshine her. If you had shared your exploits, she unfortunately would have held on to you tighter. Your adventures would have made her friends look like adolescents and fools that they are. Your past exploits would have also triggered her insecurities.

At some point she would have used your wild days against you - trying to shame into compliance. Certainly she would use your past in an effort to smear you after you left. You were wise to keep quiet and let your past stay in the past.
 

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It's all weird. I guess I had the love goggles on and wasn't able to see her friends for the immature infants they are. Now that I look back with clearer eyes, all her crowd acted more like partying college kids than adults. I partied myself out in the '80s. I have lived every type of debauchery there is and then some, but those morons just never knew when to leave the party.
Arthur that's interesting, how everything is being reassessed in hindsight. Do you find it's making it easier for you to deal with the past / Sarah, or worse?
 

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It's all weird. I guess I had the love goggles on and wasn't able to see her friends for the immature infants they are. Now that I look back with clearer eyes, all her crowd acted more like partying college kids than adults. I partied myself out in the '80s. I have lived every type of debauchery there is and then some, but those morons just never knew when to leave the party.
Excellent observation. Now, apply that knowledge on your next prospect. When I dated I simply asked women about their mom, dad, brothers, sisters and friends. How she discusses her life with others close to her will tell you everything you need to know.

Additionally, TV watching, and many other general discussion topics will clue you on her values. For example a person that believes in God and professes to live strongly by those principles, may not be who she or he says she is if their actions show no such foundation, even if attending church each Sunday. Actions are the key.

My wife's sisters are men repellent and her brother was a heavy drug user. I listened closely to my then girlfriend's love and compassion for others, knowing those are the qualities that can make a relationship sustainable when tested. I also listened closely to how she thought about her previous boyfriends and integrated outside interests into her life.

Many men are smitten with a woman who wishes to be with them 24/7. For me it's the opposite. If a woman (or man) can't find joy outside of the significant other, then they're susceptible to becoming unhappy when you're not around for valid reasons.

Having said that, their is no way one can guarantee not getting connected with an idiot. You can only rely on your collective wisdom from life's experiences and hope your lucky. I lucked up with my wife, but had two fiancés and another girlfriend cheat on me before her. The interesting thing is had I not been cheated on, I wouldn't have met my wife of over 20 years.
 
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