Talk About Marriage banner
821 - 840 of 857 Posts

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
9,954 Posts
My wife was damn near killed while road cycling with me, hit from behind by a distracted driver doing 60. She’ll most likely never get on a bike again and I can’t blame her for that. Giving up relationships altogether is obviously more extreme than refusing to get back in the saddle but I can understand AGP’s reluctance to dive back in just yet….
That's terrible...I'm so glad she's ok.

We road cycle too and not only know people who have been seriously injured by drivers....we know people who has been killed. There's a memory ride this weekend for a guy that was killed last year.

I can think of 3 people off the top of my head that were seriously injured by distracted drivers...2 were in medically induced comas with questionable outcomes.

All 3 are riding again, but to your point some people don't get back in the saddle.

It goes to show how different peoples risk tolerance are and how different people come back to different degrees after trauma. I think relationships that end badly have the same kind of distribution.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,349 Posts
My wife was damn near killed while road cycling with me, hit from behind by a distracted driver doing 60. She’ll most likely never get on a bike again and I can’t blame her for that. Giving up relationships altogether is obviously more extreme than refusing to get back in the saddle but I can understand AGP’s reluctance to dive back in just yet….
Sorry about your wife. I hope she's all right now. I used to think that only in third world countries drivers were nuts on wheels, but obviously the US is coming not to far behind; which is one of the reasons I never drive a bike on any roads other than bike trails at parks that have them.

I'm sure that eventually @ArthurGPym will get back in the saddle again, but not just yet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,865 Posts
That's terrible...I'm so glad she's ok.

We road cycle too and not only know people who have been seriously injured by drivers....we know people who has been killed. There's a memory ride this weekend for a guy that was killed last year.

I can think of 3 people off the top of my head that were seriously injured by distracted drivers...2 were in medically induced comas with questionable outcomes.

All 3 are riding again, but to your point some people don't get back in the saddle.

It goes to show how different peoples risk tolerance are and how different people come back to different degrees after trauma. I think relationships that end badly have the same kind of distribution.
This is why I only ride on our rail-trails.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
342 Posts
Discussion Starter · #824 ·
Nothing wring with that.
Take some time and get your s*** sorted.
Get mentally stronger and gird your loins.
Because the "Opera" osn't over for you yet, I'm afraid.
Interesting you predicted that. Lately over the past week or so I have gotten calls from common friends of ours asking me how I am doing. Just out of the blue. Some are people I have not talked to since I broke up with her. I am polite but while I'm talking to them I'm thinking "Why the hell are you calling me?" The talk is superficial and pointless. I'm thinking Sarah is sending out her birdies gathering intel on me. I'm thinking of just screening all my calls from now on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,974 Posts
If the birdies are circling, Sarah has most likely figured out that she screwed up big time. Your move of going away probably rocked her world. She gets stuck with the ex, knowing that she probably alienated you. So she sticks until she cannot. History can be unforgiving, and she knew that he was not worth her time and destruction of her relationship with you. So it may be over with her ex. Her friends are now doing recon. They want to see if you are open to restarting with her. I would let her friends know how deeply you were hurt, and that Sarah has lost any chance with you. That will likely get her into the mode of openly campaigning for your forgiveness and willingness to go back to her. I would not venture to give you advice on that, as I would string her along and then dump her unceremoniously. But then again, I can be petty and vengeful.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,582 Posts
I would not venture to give you advice on that, as I would string her along and then dump her unceremoniously.
This would start the whole process all over again. More pain for @ArthurGPym too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,964 Posts
If the birdies are circling, Sarah has most likely figured out that she screwed big time.That will likely get her into the mode of openly campaigning for your forgiveness and willingness to go back to her. I would not venture to give you advice on that, as I would string her along and then dump her unceremoniously. But then again, I can be petty and vengeful.
Maybe suggest a fwb or a **** buddy relationship?
I can be petty and vengeful too lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
647 Posts
Interesting you predicted that. Lately over the past week or so I have gotten calls from common friends of ours asking me how I am doing. Just out of the blue. Some are people I have not talked to since I broke up with her. I am polite but while I'm talking to them I'm thinking "Why the hell are you calling me?" The talk is superficial and pointless. I'm thinking Sarah is sending out her birdies gathering intel on me. I'm thinking of just screening all my calls from now on.
I told you my story earlier in the thread.
The parallels are there between your saga and mine.
It took years to extract myself from her, and the only thing that ended it was my getting married.
Bunny Boilers will boil. You can make book on that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
141 Posts
I told you my story earlier in the thread.
The parallels are there between your saga and mine.
It took years to extract myself from her, and the only thing that ended it was my getting married.
Bunny Boilers will boil. You can make book on that.
This is why I'd tell those friends of hers that I'm dating and frankly glad to have her out of my life. Polite, strong signal to cut out the recon etc. No indication of hurt feelings, I have a nasty suspicion that would just give Sarah another opening.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
289 Posts
Taxman has to be the wisest person here!!!

I’m in agreement that it probably means she and ex are broken up, again, at least for now. And she has the little birdies checking on your status.
If she is completely out of your system, then a little revenge and degradation could be amusing. Have any fantasies you thought were too sick and twisted???? Just a thought.

Good luck and stay strong!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,240 Posts
OP....... stay away from spider webs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,886 Posts
Interesting you predicted that. Lately over the past week or so I have gotten calls from common friends of ours asking me how I am doing. Just out of the blue. Some are people I have not talked to since I broke up with her. I am polite but while I'm talking to them I'm thinking "Why the hell are you calling me?" The talk is superficial and pointless. I'm thinking Sarah is sending out her birdies gathering intel on me. I'm thinking of just screening all my calls from now on.
Cut them off. They aren’t your friends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,240 Posts
OP............ Gutpunch....... check it out
 
  • Like
Reactions: ArthurGPym

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,682 Posts
There’s nothing wrong with learning to have a great time on your own. I’ve done it for 15 years after my 27 year marriage ended.
My exH really burned me in a bad way that left me not trusting men much. Maybe I should say it takes a LOT for a man to earn my trust.
I do have great role models for healthy men in my life and that has helped.
But my default is that men will be mean to me - so I work on that philosophy NOT being true.

So for a while just have fun. Have fun on your own and have fun with friends. Someone will catch your eye along the way and you’ll start again.
Meditate to trust your intuition - it brings clarity. Also, a good trauma counselor is priceless.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
342 Posts
Discussion Starter · #838 ·
So I talked with Barb last night and and she confirmed that Sarah and her ex are again broken up, this time for good apparently. Sarah is back alone and apparently not doing too well. Barb says she saw her last week and she looks like hell.

Barb told me to ignore all the people calling me and asking if I am going to get back together with Sarah. She says as far as she knows it is not Sarah instigating these people, but rather they are all rubberneckers looking to watch some drama and hoping I'll try to get back together with her just to watch the show. Barb is of the opinion that Sarah knows I am no longer an option and that she blew it bad. As for all the onlookers, I have blocked them each and every one. They are parasites. Also, Barb says that she has pretty much washed her hands of Sarah and has little to do with her anymore. Their friendship is basically over. Barb says she and her husband are not going to continue enabling Sarah while she makes one bad choice after another. You would have to know Barb to understand why Barb would turn her back on a two-decade BFF friendship. Well, it is because Barb is a no-nonsense person who doesn't suffer fools lightly. She warned Sarah not to go back to her ex and excoriated her when she did, and told her she was an idiot for tossing me aside.
 
821 - 840 of 857 Posts
Top