Talk About Marriage banner
601 - 620 of 656 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,004 Posts
Don't waste time over the illogical actions of damaged people. You will never understand or come to an logical acceptable explanation for their actions.

If you don't feel like interacting with people, then don't. There is nothing wrong in keeping your own company and counsel.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,516 Posts
I only keep Facebook around for messenger in case someone (usually a former co-worker) wants to contact me.

I stopped paying attention to LinkedIn for a few years and then fired it up about a month ago and found out one of my old roommates had died. That sucked.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
389 Posts
Well I blame myself for assuming because I helped her and her sons out a lot, did lots of nice things for her, and showed her consistent love and affection that I should expect to receive the same treatment in return. I guess in this day and age that is old fashioned thinking. The more I pay attention to social media the more I realize how I am not cut out for the 21st Century. I find myself ensconcing myself in my house, rarely going out, just hanging out with my music and my dog and letting the rest of the world go on without me.
Just something to think about. When I was dating my wife, I too was the "old fashioned" courter. After about 3 months though, I stopped doing lots of things for her. It was because I thought very highly of her, but also thought highly of myself and wanted to see how she would respond to a halt of my creating all the fun.

I shifted to a modest dating rhythm that featured popcorn and HBO on my apartment couch for two months straight. No concerts, festivals, day trips and the like, of which Washington D.C. had so much to offer. Would her willingness to be with me wane or remain the same? I wanted to know because after having dating countless women, I knew what was sustainable and healthy and went through the steps of eliminating those unable to be with me without conditions I created.

Why? Because I know married life is full of boring stretches, monotony and valleys, so I artificially created a period to see what she was made of when the festivals and fun weren't present. I reasoned, if we're going to be together it's not going to be because of me wining, dining and creating a standard doesn't fit normal life. It would be because we just wanted to be with one another and can be satisfied just with that by itself.

Personally, I thought we were both ready to transition from our short term relationship to a potential long term one. She passed with flying colors and nine months later I asked her dad for her daughter's hand. She gave it to me and I still have it 25 years later. This is not a fool proof dating method by any stretch. I could do the exact same thing with another woman, who turns into a serial cheater. Turns out, my instincts were right and she's still exactly as she was back then. Luck has something to do with great relationships. One can do all the right things and still get a lemon.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,976 Posts
Yes the Ensenada-made Fenders are very good. They are called the "player" series. I have a Mexican made Jimmie Vaughan Stratocaster that I have had for almost 15 years and it is awesome.
<TJ> Would we ever have heard of Jimmie but for Stevie Ray? </TJ>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #605 ·
<TJ> Would we ever have heard of Jimmie but for Stevie Ray? </TJ>
I had heard of the Fab Thunderbirds back in '82 or '83. Then I heard SRV come out and was blown away, but then I thought "Hmmm....Vaugh... Vaugh...."🙄 So I went and looked on a Fab T-Birds record I had and saw Jimmie. So I figured there was some connection.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #608 ·
F*ck....

Last night Sarah's oldest boy ran away from home. Her friend called me frantic and begged me to come help them, as if for some reason they thought I would know where he was. I called him. He answered. I drove to where he was. The stupid kid had taken an Uber from Oceanside all the way to La Jolla where he thought one of his friends would be waiting for him. Of course the equally stupid friend was nowhere to be found. I talked to him for a while, got him calmed down, and then drove him home to his mom's house. I called the friend back and told her we were coming. A cop and a crowd of about fifteen friends and family were there including Sarah and her ex. Jesus H....

I didn't stay longer than I needed to. I hugged the boy and told him it was going to be alright and then I just hopped back in my truck and took off. No talking to anyone. Sarah called to me but I ignored her. I ran like a raped ape y'all. My phone has been blowing up all day with calls from numbers I don't know and I have been ignoring them. I can't escape it. I don't have the emotional strength for this. I feel like Michael Corleone in Godfather 3. No matter how hard I try to get out they just keep sucking me back in.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
378 Posts
What do they want from you? You responded to their requests for help, you found the lad, picked him up and returned him home safely.

You, presumably, had no part in his running away and you are not in a position to say why he left.

Well done for what you did. The only question they should be asking you is what is your preferred drink of choice so we can buy you a case of it.

I wouldn’t get sucked into the drama.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,227 Posts
All day I've been mulling over whether or not I wanted to post it. Most are going to flame me.
Flame you for what, being a good human being and caring about the kid? You absolutely did the right thing, kind of saved the day really. Sarah is so effing stupid. I wonder if she really understands what she gave up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
I haven’t posted to your thread or very many on TAM, but I’ve lurked for a long, long time.

Arthurgpym, you sound like a great guy, and you helped out a family in need, good for you. I don’t think anyone should flame you over your actions. You handled it great. It seems pretty obvious to me that her son holds you in high regard and that he probably doesn’t have that mature, decent man to look up to.

You have handled this situation very, very well IMHO.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,516 Posts
All day I've been mulling over whether or not I wanted to post it. Most are going to flame me.
Helping resolve this situation is only worthy of praise. The “Gah.” is for the litany of crap that was lighting up your phone afterwards.

BTW, it says a lot about you and the impact you had on this kid’s life that he picked up when you called and ignored everyone else. That is special.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
471 Posts
Don't beat yourself up at all.

This was NOT about Sarah. Nope!!

This was about her son. I'm sure Sarah, his father, and countless others called him and he ignored all of their calls and thus why they were frantic not knowing where he was.

That said when you called him he picked up the phone and told YOU where he was. Not his own freakin mother nor his own father.

Embarrassed??

I know you didn't want to be involved in this, but for the boys sake you should feel glad that you were and it should say a great deal to you that this young man trusted you more than his own mother and father.

Listen, Sarah pulled some **** on you, and it sucked and it broke your heart. However, don't let her messed up $h!t cloud who you are and the gifts God gave you.

You are a guy who has a huge loving heart and you're there for the people you love. Sarah may or may not have truly grasped this but her son sure as heck didn't. That's why he picked up the phone when you called.

Arthur, I get your heart was broken, but it appears you're retreating from life, and you've put up walls around you with the intent of protecting you from getting hurt again. I get it...we all do!!

By not putting your heart out there you definitely can protect yourself from experiencing pain again but you're also ensuring that you won't be experiencing the fruit of life and more importantly love.

Every man dies but not every man lives!!

I know it hasn't been too long since the BS with Sarah. Please reconsider letting the walls come down in due time. Don't just go through the motions of life. By closing yourself off you're not hurting or getting back at Sarah. Ultimately you're the one who will be missing out on so many things.

Everyone who's read your thread can see you're a really good guy. Embrace this and be proud of who you are and in due time Get back out there and be willing to put your heart out there.

And quit being SO [email protected] hard on yourself!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
216 Posts
@ArthurGPym I think you are a great standup guy and you did a good deed yesterday.

Don't worry about Sarah, this is not about her. What you did yesterday shows how strong of a bond you have with her kids. You were there for the kid when he needed someone.

If I may suggest one thing to you, it is that, after this whole kerfuffle dies down, please give him a call to do a wellness check and also to let him know that you will always be there for him. So, if he wants someone to talk to, he can always give you a call.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,265 Posts
Don't beat yourself up at all.

This was NOT about Sarah. Nope!!

This was about her son. I'm sure Sarah, his father, and countless others called him and he ignored all of their calls and thus why they were frantic not knowing where he was.

That said when you called him he picked up the phone and told YOU where he was. Not his own freakin mother nor his own father.

Embarrassed??

I know you didn't want to be involved in this, but for the boys sake you should feel glad that you were and it should say a great deal to you that this young man trusted you more than his own mother and father.

Listen, Sarah pulled some **** on you, and it sucked and it broke your heart. However, don't let her messed up $h!t cloud who you are and the gifts God gave you.

You are a guy who has a huge loving heart and you're there for the people you love. Sarah may or may not have truly grasped this but her son sure as heck didn't. That's why he picked up the phone when you called.

Arthur, I get your heart was broken, but it appears you're retreating from life, and you've put up walls around you with the intent of protecting you from getting hurt again. I get it...we all do!!

By not putting your heart out there you definitely can protect yourself from experiencing pain again but you're also ensuring that you won't be experiencing the fruit of life and more importantly love.

Every man dies but not every man lives!!

I know it hasn't been too long since the BS with Sarah. Please reconsider letting the walls come down in due time. Don't just go through the motions of life. By closing yourself off you're not hurting or getting back at Sarah. Ultimately you're the one who will be missing out on so many things.

Everyone who's read your thread can see you're a really good guy. Embrace this and be proud of who you are and in due time Get back out there and be willing to put your heart out there.

And quit being SO [email protected] hard on yourself!!

This for emphasis


Arthur: Re-read @sideways post. He's so right. Live life my friend, and if you need to look back let it be to remember the good and the bad as what made you the good man you are now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,688 Posts
F*ck....

Last night Sarah's oldest boy ran away from home. Her friend called me frantic and begged me to come help them, as if for some reason they thought I would know where he was. I called him. He answered. I drove to where he was. The stupid kid had taken an Uber from Oceanside all the way to La Jolla where he thought one of his friends would be waiting for him. Of course the equally stupid friend was nowhere to be found. I talked to him for a while, got him calmed down, and then drove him home to his mom's house. I called the friend back and told her we were coming. A cop and a crowd of about fifteen friends and family were there including Sarah and her ex. Jesus H....

I didn't stay longer than I needed to. I hugged the boy and told him it was going to be alright and then I just hopped back in my truck and took off. No talking to anyone. Sarah called to me but I ignored her. I ran like a raped ape y'all. My phone has been blowing up all day with calls from numbers I don't know and I have been ignoring them. I can't escape it. I don't have the emotional strength for this. I feel like Michael Corleone in Godfather 3. No matter how hard I try to get out they just keep sucking me back in.
You did EXACTLY the right thing for that kid. DO NOT second guess yourself. You did this because a) you are a good guy who knows to do the right thing (unlike that kids mother) and b) you liked the kid and had bonded.
Think about this -- he TRUSTED YOU enough to answer the phone and then talk to you. He didn't do that for his mom, his dad, or anyone else.
You did the right thing by him. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Think about what could have happened to that kid.

YES, it puts you back a little bit in Sarah's orbit, but honestly, think that it was just a slingshot manuever -- NOT staying there.
 
601 - 620 of 656 Posts
Top