Honestly, if my spouse had asked me if I loved him I'd be feeling like I must have done something to make him doubt that...and I'd want to get to the bottom of it so I could correct my behavior. And my behavior would NOT have been cheating. I've never cheated on anyone. I'd be worried that I'd been unintentionally giving him less attention or something like that.Gee I know I am stupid sometimes... But if she DID NOTHING, then how could she help you believe that she still loved you????
I mean, she is a great wife, sure you guys did not have sex that often as I remember, but she was a great wife.
So while she DID NOTHING WRONG she is still asking what she can do to help you feel loved.
I think this yo yo stuff is going to put the poor OP in therapy!!! Some of this evidence against this woman is just crap. She knows something personal about him = inappropriate boundaries!!! I know all kinds of personal things about my coworkers and I've never had an affair with any of them. Most people have personal conversations at work...we spend all day together. How boring would the day be if all you ever discussed was work stuff? If my boyfriend told me I wasn't allowed to have personal conversations with male coworkers because it violated boundaries I'd be done with him.
And she has a Victoria's Secret card out in the open for him to see. Not a red flag at all in my opinion. Honestly, if she wanted to buy sexy stuff for an affair that card would be empty, not sitting around unused. She could buy the stuff with no trace back to the regular bank or credit cards.
I think bringing up swinging is a red flag but not proof. But it could just be a red flag that she's feeling the marriage and/or their sex life is in a rut. I know a guy whose wife asked about having a threesome to spice things up. He said no, but they came up with some other ways to spice things up together. She was just bored. They fixed it together. I think swinging is so out there for some people that when they hear about it they talk about it...like a bad car accident type of thing.
My guess is that she has or at least had a crush on the guy. It happens, even when you're married. But with some increased attention from OP she's over it. I hope and pray I'm right. But I still don't think it's okay to condemn a person on such little evidence. If I were married and my husband produced divorce papers on such flimsy evidence I'd sign them and tell him to go **** himself. Then I'd take a poly and show him the results...that he threw away his life for nothing because a bunch of guys on a forum told him to just divorce even though he had no real proof.