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From your posts IMO it's currently one sided (on her part) and is in the form of something like a student's crush on a teacher (in this case the Boss). For example: the volume & timing of texts/calls is not suspicious, their contact is limited to business hours, she’s not distancing herself or picking fights with you, and she is no longer focused on her grooming.

The other thing, she doesn't feel distant, not picking fights or anything. Sex life is normal. Really everything feels really normal.

That's the problem with crossing into personal space/boundary with a coworker. Things are normal at first and the participants feel like they're in control (and it's harmless). However, it's a slippery slope that is unnecessarily placing your marriage at risk (and makes you feel unsafe from infidelity).

IMO, and maybe like most people that have never cheated, your wife is not looking for an affair and also believes she would never have an affair. Which makes it all the more difficult for you to convince her to stop.
 

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You are suspicious, and she knows you are suspicious. This is likely why she deletes stuff. She doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. But she likely doesn't realize doing this makes her look more suspicious.

Like I said earlier, neither of you trust each other, and that's a problem in and of itself.

My take, she's got a bit of a crush, but hasn't acted on it yet. And because it's a crush, she's hyper sensitive to your perception of their interactions. Hopefully it's a harmless crush - I mean many of us have had little ones along the way (if I was single, type of things). But these could get dangerous if unchecked or reciprocated.

Just stay quietly vigilant. Perceived indifference will get her to let her guard down.
 

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Discussion Starter #264
Yeah looking at the texts, he does not appear to be reciprocating. None of his texts were deleted. By the way, she did get a drink this morning and was alone.
 

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Again, they are not texting late at night or weekends.
You think that's out of respect for YOU? It's not.

Of course they're not texting late at night or on the weekends - he's married and home with his wife and doesn't want to get in trouble. Do you think for one second your wife wouldn't be ALL OVER those texts if he suddenly started texting late at night or on the weekends? Of course she would!! Sadly, it's already been established that your wife has no respect for you or your marriage so if they're not texting at night, that's because HE doesn't want to get caught..

Secondly, because this guy is extremely thorough in making sure he doesn't get caught, I think that's why HIS texts are always so innocuous - because some men will never put anything in writing that could incriminate them. The fact that she DELETES some of her texts speaks volumes. And just because he's not texting inappropriate stuff to her doesn't mean he's not SAYING it to her face or when they're talking on the phone. His 'innocent' texts prove absolutely NOTHING.

As the other posters have said, you blew it confronting her too soon. All you did was give her a heads up that you're monitoring her phone and whatever else you found out that you told her about. You basically gave her a gun and asked her to shoot you in the foot. So now she knows she needs to work a little harder to make sure you don't find anything going forward. Don't say ANOTHER thing to her.
 

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Yeah looking at the texts, he does not appear to be reciprocating.

What do her texts say (that he's ignoring)?

None of his texts were deleted. By the way, she did get a drink this morning and was alone.

How do you know she was alone? Was the Boss in the office today?
 

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Yeah looking at the texts, he does not appear to be reciprocating.

What do her texts say (that he's ignoring)?

None of his texts were deleted. By the way, she did get a drink this morning and was alone.

How do you know she was alone? Was the Boss in the office today?
My bet is the ones he's not answering are the ones she's deleting.
 

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Hacker, I forgot to mention this. You said "Also I know they are talking about more personal stuff. One day I was saying, I want to do XYZ. She said well his Wife did XYZ and he hated it"
This means it is very probable an emotional affair is going on. They are talking, or at least him, about personal stuff of his wife. Not only personal stuff, but things that have created some kind of controversy in his marriage. It is very probable he is fishing and, based on the red flags you mentioned, your wife is aware of it. Your radar needs to go up to another level.
 

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Hacker, I forgot to mention this. You said "Also I know they are talking about more personal stuff. One day I was saying, I want to do XYZ. She said well his Wife did XYZ and he hated it"
This means it is very probable an emotional affair is going on. They are talking, or at least him, about personal stuff of his wife. Not only personal stuff, but things that have created some kind of controversy in his marriage. It is very probable he is fishing and, based on the red flags you mentioned, your wife is aware of it. Your radar needs to go up to another level.
Actually that would depend on what xyz was. If it's "paint the front door yellow" I wouldn't classify that as emotional affair territory, while if it's "straighten my pubic hair and grow it to my knees" that would be a different matter.

Yeah, I had trouble coming up with something for that second one, the change in sexes got me.
 

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Discussion Starter #271
Yeah it was a disagreement with something with the house. Its something my wife and I always talked about doing. Well the OM wife did it, and he was not a fan. My wife told me all the things he disliked about it.
 

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Discussion Starter #272
Yeah I feel like I am in some weird grey area. I think I sent warning shots when I confronted last month, it all died down. And now appears it is back, like some of you said might happen if I shutup. Now I guess I wait for a mistake to happen, and keep watching. Fun times.
 

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Yeah I feel like I am in some weird grey area. I think I sent warning shots when I confronted last month, it all died down. And now appears it is back, like some of you said might happen if I shutup. Now I guess I wait for a mistake to happen, and keep watching. Fun times.
It may not hurt for you to get a PI and see what else you can find.

Here is the deal, you have problems here. She is texting another guy, that is be bottom line. It is not cool at any level.

You need to get to the bottom of this.
 

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Do you know if the Boss is happily married or complains a lot about his wife?

I think being in a state of limbo is very difficult and often leads to confronting prematurely.

Ideally you can find something concrete to spotlight inappropriate behavior/EA that she can't brush off (like a lie).

Rather than just wait, I suggest you take the initiate by observing who she goes to coffee with this week. If the Boss is in the office this week (and she doesn't go to coffee with him), then I think you can relax (but still be alert).

Just knowing she's deleting texts makes you suspicious but isn't solid enough for confrontation.
 

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Do you have enough access to her phone to install an app without her knowing? Maybe run phonelab and recover the deleted texts or install one of the monitoring apps I linked earlier so you get real time copies of her messages.
 
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