[Puzzledone]

My wife of 8 years recently had gastric bypass surgery..Then underwent breast augmentation surgery. Since this has happened her sex drive has all but gone away. She is now talking about a tummy tuck after the other surgery is paid for. I am puzzled due to the fact that i love my wife whole heartedly, and could of cared less for her to have either one of these surgeries. We are both in our upper 30's. I work, she doesnt only seasonal for minimal pay. These surgeries have brought a flag up for me along with the other sex drive problem. Am I over-reacting...I guess I am just looking for other points of view...Thanks

 

[dormant]

Actually, the best thing you can do is, give her all the attention you can. If she feels like you don't care, she will notice the attention she gets from others.

I had the bypass a couple of years ago and have gotten down to a good weight for me. My wife doesn't show any desire for sex, and it makes it difficult for me to not intertain ideas I shouldn't. So far I haven't acted on them, but not sure how long I can hold out.

 

[SFrick76]

I went for years with out sex. in 10 years of marriage. I went 18 months, 2 years, 6 months.... she had no libido and blamed it on very fixable issues. Please seek relationship counseling before your needs become an obsession and you seek gratification outside of your marriage. If you have an issue now, it only gets worse... I am very sorry that you are feeling this way and having this issue. I felt that my spouse forgot the very thing that made us the perfect couple and the intimacy was undeniable early on.....

 

[waiwera]

I've worked as a personal trainer for many years. When people lose large amounts of weight it is often accompanied by a new interest in clothes, new hair styles, new friends and sometimes new spouses. I've seen it many times.

I would suggest you stay very involved in her life.... tell her how great she looks and how proud you are of her, because she WILL be getting complimentary comments from people these days.

Talk to her...tell her your worries.

But also let her know you can't live in a sexless marriage. It's not what marriage is meant to be about...your not room mates.

 

[DedicatedDad]

What does your gut tell you? Usually the first instinct is the correct one. I would certainly compliment her on the changes and pay more attention to her, but I must say I am little bit curious...
These physical changes will automatically improve her sex rank, yet you say her sex drive is gone.

what's wrong with this picture?

 

[Shaggy]

If her sex drive has gone to ZERO why is she spending all the time and money getting sexy looking?

If it isn't for you ,then who is it for?

 

[SFrick76]

If her sex drive has gone to ZERO why is she spending all the time and money getting sexy looking?

If it isn't for you ,then who is it for?

When my wife did this lost her libido I hit the gym hard. Still nothing. Resorted to steroids for a short time and looked better than ever. Still nothing. I tried romance...nothing. Other women were flocking to me....... I stayed faithful. Eventually I broke down.

BTW, my wife told me she was getting breast reduction on the first date... three days later she underwent a gruesome surgery to make herself feel better. She had a libido then and I love her with the scars and all....

It was other life stressors that caused it and I beleive hormonal changes. After almost a year of seperation she still has yet to date or even appear interested.

It happens and it is very hard to deal with. Look internally as well what are you doing that might be turning her off. Are you all you can be. Are you what she desires? My wife never told me her desires....way secretive!

 

[Puzzledone]

Thanks for the replys! My gut tells me many things...Maybe if I get the time I can post the entire story. Hot and Cold is the best way I can explain our relationship. I would never think she would cheat on me, but on the other hand I thought she would never lie to me as well but has many times with no remorse.

 

[Puzzledone]

Over the past few years I have been noticing a trend, especially since I started researching and trying to up with results and answers. It seems in a whole the blame is generally placed on the Man in a relationship. He did not do this Or he did not say this when he should have and it made me feel like he didnt really care about me anymore..and I looked for the respect I deserved elsewhere. I mean come on...I am home every night with the occasional hunting trip or fishing trip..Hey I work hard for a living and this is something I have done all my life with my father. he isnt going to be around forever you know. When I am home I do things with my kids. I cant remember the last time My wife actually planned an activity for her to spend time with the kids or our family just in general...Its always a chore for her. My evenings consist of this...I get home from work try to talk to my wife ask how her day was and 99 percent of the time she is on Facebook or texting on her phone, And she tells me to wait a minute I cant type this and talk to you at the same time I will lose my train of thought...Ok I think to myself...Then In the back of my mind I think of the texts I send her once and a while throughout the day and I rarely get a reply..but I watch her all evening from 4:30 till bedtime never put the phone down only time she does is to get on facebook. I do show her lots of love, but it is becoming really hard. I have went to doctors and actually been on medicine because of my moods. To be honest both doctors I have went to and explained the situation to said I was normal for having the feelings I do. I will say the meds do help me from putting my foot in my mouth, but on the other hand I dont want to become a zombie and be walked all over...blah

 

[DedicatedDad]

The emotional energy your wife should be sharing with you and your family is going somewhere else. It's time for the man of the house to do his James Bond thing and find out why facebook and phone texting is more important than spending time with you and your kids.

Get a keylogger and put it on the pc, put some spyware on that phone of hers, check your phone records and records of text messages, you might even consider putting a var in the car.

Your wife is following a script brother, and it usually starts with facebook, texting and ignoring you. Somebody has got a serious bug in her ear. Time for you to find out exactly what's going on.

Something is definitely not right here...

 

[Puzzledone]

I have done the James Bond thing. Had monitors on the house telephone..covert security cameras on my property outside to see who comes and gos. I can not check my cell phone bill. She has it set up if anyone tries to access it other than her it automatically texts her phone. Ive tried then had to answer a million questions. That to me is pretty secretive. I mean come on I pay the bill but have no access to it unless she knows. In my eyes that means she is guilty of something. Today we went to the store to purchase something that is needed for the house and she stops and says i think i am going to buy this coffee pot to take to my friends house to leave there for when i visit. I was like what thats plan weird. Sorry I just call it how I see it. She said they dont drink coffee there. I was like ok seeing as you are only there for a couple hours at most you cant do without coffee for that small period of time. Maybe I am just goofy, but I dont think so. She did tell me last night she wouldnt care if i stayed or left. Heres the problem the house cars just everything but her tanning bed and breast augmentation is in my name. The kids are 12 and 14. I know she will take me to the cleaners on child support. So I think I am stuck.

 

[MrK]

I can not check my cell phone bill. She has it set up if anyone tries to access it other than her it automatically texts her phone. Ive tried then had to answer a million questions.

Are you freakin' kidding me? Check the bill right now. Then answer her million questions. YOU have nothing to hide. Then ask a few of your own.

Then do the 180. She's gone. She's not coming back either. She's already improved herself. Your turn. She should have your replacement whittled down from the candidate set any time now. Be prepared.

Do you really not get that she's gone already? And they RARELY come back.

 

[the guy]

Wow, your wife doesn't care if you stay or go!!!!!

Thats phucked up and I would have packed her crap up then and there.
Tell her she can go live with her new coffee pot cuz you are not going to tolorate that kind of direspect.

Tell her you want her to leave and if she does then tell her you are considering this as abandonment and will act occordingly.

 

[waiwera]

She did tell me last night she wouldnt care if i stayed or left. .

WHAT???

Forget everything else...if my H said this to me i'd be gone before the sun went down.

This is horrible...no spouse should ever say something like that.
I'm really sad for you.
Sorry man.

 

[Jeffs_acc]

WHAT???

Forget everything else...if my H said this to me i'd be gone before the sun went down.

This is horrible...no spouse should ever say something like that.
I'm really sad for you.
Sorry man.

I agree

 

[thomrashid]

So far I haven't acted on them, but not sure how long I can hold out.