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Ohboyherewego says it all for me. Some back ground of my relationship. Im 31 wife 29 we have been together 12yrs married for 8. Have 2 wonderful kids 3 and 9 months old.

We have been happy in our relationship up until 2 years ago. We fell into debt, moved out of state to be close to family and were looking for a way back to being normal.

Upon our arrival to this new state I found that my wife was trying to contact an old friend on FB. she made contact I asked about the relationship she said it was nothing, not until i dug deeper did I find out more and she told me THIS MAN HAS A PIECE OF MY HEART. she was 16 at the time she last saw him and finally found him online. Long story short she told me she wanted to see him once again and kiss him goodbye. I told her that if she did so I would not be here when she got back. I feel that she has moved on and we are past that now. btw he is over 1000 miles away.

We moved back home now and normal life has been restored. She was engulfed by the 50 Shades of Gray trilogy and things were exciting once again. She has been reading all books alike now.

Recently she has become very secret about her FB account again and changed passwords on email and other accounts as well also deletes browser history now.RED FLAG! excitement is gone, new lingerie not used as much, but does wear to work sometimes RED FLAG! New FB account in maiden name. RED FLAG! was explained to me that she did not know how to add her maiden name to her other account.

I have become more in tune once again now and dig deeper. No signs of the old friend but a new one on her FB account. A friend of mine that was a coworker in a facility that she now works at. YELLOW FLAG! HE LOOKS A LOT LIKE ME so i know the initial attraction is there. They work the night shift together once and awhile together. When i asked about him became defensive and asked why am I so worried about her FB account. She said he is nice to me and I accepted his friend request.

She closed the account or so she wanted me to think but my digging deeper just showed that she would just activate and deactivate the account whenever she logged on so i never noticed she was online. Well account is back open now and she is back at it.

We had a fallout recently about her not noticing me anymore and long story short. She said she has moved on from the old us "pre kids" to us now. We both work and only have two nights off together and those are controlled by the kids. There is no us time. Only late at night when we are both tired.

She says we will be us again one day and leads me to believe that she has accepted this life with kids and I have not. She gets angry that I am so nosy and ask her questions all the time. I am treading on thin ice and have lost all confidence as a man in this relationship I fear she is done and is moving on with reality and is only here because of the kids. she tells me she loves me with all her heart and that will never change.

Am I stuck in our old reality when it was just us?

Am I losing it or is something going on?

Ps I cant stop digging and I am bothered by the person she is. or has become.
Pss she wants to go out of town with a friend for her 30th birthday.
:scratchhead:
 

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Big red flag, why would she want to celebrate her 30th birthday without you? It is after all one of those 'milestone' birthdays.

Has she ever wanted to celebrate a birthday without you before?

Be very careful, although it may all be coincidence it does look as though she is on the slippery slope.

Who is the friend, what as far as you know are her morals?
There are people who are known as 'toxic friends' and they seem to delight in bringing other peoples marriages down.
 

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Big red flag, why would she want to celebrate her 30th birthday without you? It is after all one of those 'milestone' birthdays.

Has she ever wanted to celebrate a birthday without you before?

Be very careful, although it may all be coincidence it does look as though she is on the slippery slope.

Who is the friend, what as far as you know are her morals?
There are people who are known as 'toxic friends' and they seem to delight in bringing other peoples marriages down.
Do you assume it's a she?

OP who is the friend? How do you know who it is?
 

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Pfft - when you get married you lose the right to privacy. You become one. Follow your gut on this one. How ARE her morals? Ever cheated before?

Ask her straight up, where you guys stand in your marriage, right now. Wouldn't say she's cheating yet, likely having an emotional affair, which will blow into a PA.
 

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No, you are not losing it. Yes, something is going on.

It's time you gathered hard evidence and confronted her with it. You may want to look into voice activated recorders for her car, and a key logger for the computer. Her mind is elsewhere and not on the family.

I'm also going to move your thread over to CWI. You'll get a lot of helpful advice there.
 

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Pfft - when you get married you lose the right to privacy. You become one. Follow your gut on this one. How ARE her morals? Ever cheated before?

Ask her straight up, where you guys stand in your marriage, right now. Wouldn't say she's cheating yet, likely having an emotional affair, which will blow into a PA.
Geezus man, get a key longer installed on all your computers ASAP. like YESERDAY. Don't fuss about how much effort it is either, just do whatever it takes and get one. Keyloggers are a suspicious spouse's best ally. And yes, those are a lot of red flags, I'm gonna say you definitely have something to be suspicious of
 

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Recently she has become very secret about her FB account again and changed passwords on email and other accounts as well also deletes browser history now.RED FLAG! excitement is gone, new lingerie not used as much, but does wear to work sometimes RED FLAG! New FB account in maiden name. RED FLAG! was explained to me that she did not know how to add her maiden name to her other account.

She wears the new lingerie because she is showing it off to someone at work - she is finding out when they will work together and wearing it on those nights. She may be meeting up with him in the car during break, lunch, before or after work. Get a voice-activated recorder and some heavy-duty velcro and place it under the seat of her car. Get a keylogger on the computer. My guess is that this has become physical.

I have become more in tune once again now and dig deeper. No signs of the old friend but a new one on her FB account. A friend of mine that was a coworker in a facility that she now works at. YELLOW FLAG! HE LOOKS A LOT LIKE ME so i know the initial attraction is there. They work the night shift together once and awhile together. When i asked about him became defensive and asked why am I so worried about her FB account. She said he is nice to me and I accepted his friend request.

She closed the account or so she wanted me to think but my digging deeper just showed that she would just activate and deactivate the account whenever she logged on so i never noticed she was online. Well account is back open now and she is back at it.

We had a fallout recently about her not noticing me anymore and long story short. She said she has moved on from the old us "pre kids" to us now. We both work and only have two nights off together and those are controlled by the kids. There is no us time. Only late at night when we are both tired.

She says we will be us again one day and leads me to believe that she has accepted this life with kids and I have not. She gets angry that I am so nosy and ask her questions all the time. I am treading on thin ice and have lost all confidence as a man in this relationship I fear she is done and is moving on with reality and is only here because of the kids. she tells me she loves me with all her heart and that will never change.

Am I stuck in our old reality when it was just us?

Am I losing it or is something going on?

Ps I cant stop digging and I am bothered by the person she is. or has become.
Pss she wants to go out of town with a friend for her 30th birthday.
:scratchhead:
Have you seen the messages between the two. My guess is that they have begun a physical romance, based on her wearing the lingerie.

It would be best if you could get some evidence to confront her with. She probably plans to meet up with this guy on her birthday. The earlier you can put a stop to this, the better your chances of saving your marriage.

It might be worth it to let her go on her 30th birthday and then follow her and confront her.

Sorry if you were not expecting this type of advice, but look around at the other threads on here, many of them start off just like yours and end up with the poster finding out their spouse is in an emotional/physical affair. Your wife is showing all of the signs.
 

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PS: I think you're beyond asking her for straight answers at this point. Sounds like she'll just lie to get you off the scent now
Go back to acting normal, not suspicious, but continue to try to gather evidence. She is just going to lie, lie, lie about it without the evidence.

You don't need any evidence to divorce her over her behavior, you can ask her to give up facebook, demand that she end the way she's acting, demand that she quit her job right now (which is what this will come to if she's cheating with the guy from work), but I think you probably need to see the evidence as much as she does in order to prompt you take some decisive action to end what is very probably an affair.
 

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Recently she has become very secret about her FB account again and changed passwords on email and other accounts as well also deletes browser history now.RED FLAG! excitement is gone, new lingerie not used as much, but does wear to work sometimes RED FLAG! New FB account in maiden name. RED FLAG! was explained to me that she did not know how to add her maiden name to her other account.
Pss she wants to go out of town with a friend for her 30th birthday.

She is cheating!!!!!!!! Its right there in front of you. In your face. She works at nights with a man she FB with, buys lingerie and wears it to work, keeps account activity hidden from you.Uses maiden name. And now whats to spend her 30th birthday without you so she could be with her [email protected]#k Buddy. She is reading 50 shades of grey to get charged up for someone, but its not you.
I'm :scratchhead: as to how you don't see this. Put a Keylogger on here computer. Get your manhood by showing her some divorce papers if she is not willing to come clean about her affair. Make a stand for yourself. a women who "lovers you with all her heart" does not pull the Bull$%^t she is doing. Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
 

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To many red flags and some to RED . Investigate Investigate Investigate and again INVESTIGATE. But first stop saying or doing things to alarm her .Give her a false sense of security

Use VAR (voice activated recorder ) put them in her car and in your house ( in the rooms that she will be probably have conversation with OM ) , hide them well and test them .

GPS logger for her car .

Install a keylogger on her computer and phone.

Test her underwear with a spermkit , when you suspect that something does don't add up

Try to search her things ( purse ,car ) and your house for condoms , sex toys , lingerie , receipts ,SECOND PHONE , SECOND PHONE, SECOND PHONE......... .
DON'T get caught (always remember where the things where and put them back as they where take a photo it may help you)

Is the other man married? If yes , even if you have have no evidence ( Bad luck for him he should not befriend a married woman ) and only if you have set up your investigation hardware and software and spy on her for few weeks , through a third party (so it can not be traced back to you ) inform his wife that he has an affair with a coworker (your wife) . Sit back an watch the fallout , if something is up then they will communicate , arrange it so that your wife will be home (weekends or at holidays ) give the vars some change to record something

Hire a PI and let her to go out of town with a friend for her 30th birthday. Or if money is a problem try to follow her , leave the children with your parents ( or someone else ) and if asked say that you have go to work or something more believable , and try to confirm the where about of the OM ( remember if its not him it may be another , many WS have multiple OM )
 

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I'm afraid your wife never grew old. She's still 16.

Too bad you let yourself be taken for a fool.
 

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When you find evidence that she is cheating don't react but ACT . Before you confront her ,come here and ask again for advice ( not only will you get some god advice but it will give you some time to process the situation and formulate a better plan). When you confront here you must be ready for everything and the best way to shock her is to have with you divorce papers.

And it would be god if you became familliar with the 180
 

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I also wanted to add to my and other posts above one very important point. GET YOUR PROOF. Here's a scenario you do NOT ever want to happen: You confront her without hard evidence because you're so stressed out you want to put a scare into her. It works, she freaks out, quietly ends the affair on her own, BUT denies anything ever happened. You accept that because you can't do anything based on just suspicions. You just shot yourself in the foot. You're going to spend the next 10 years almost positive you busted her. But you'll never know. And it will sit in the back of your mind forever.

Don't confront her until you have concrete proof. Just. Don't.
 

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You are seeing the flags. Not just one, but many. She has something/someone else going on. Please dig a little deeper. If you cannot find anymore information without alerting her, then have her log into everything right in front of you. Have her hand over the computer/phone as soon as she does. I bet you she starts to get jittery. That will be you last red flag. Tell her that you do not want her to be in contact with this so called "friend" anymore. I also would not want her going out of town. Birthdays are meant to be spent with family first then friends. Not the other way around. Or how about you surprise her by just showing up on the out of town trip.
 
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