Talk About Marriage banner

81 - 89 of 89 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,983 Posts
In his case I think "you already told me that" originally was meant to do me a favor, relieve me from having to expend the energy to tell him something. And do him a favor -- spare him the 19 seconds of life he is about to lose to getting information he already has.

He would jump in so fast and adamantly when he he thought I was going to repeat a story that I interpreted it as:
"you are so boring it's painful. I'm in a total panic to stop you from talking." (but I swear to God I had only said one sentence so far.)

I told him that he was not helping me. What I got out of it was feeling close to him. He talked over that too, but he must have heard because he really has stopped reacting so strongly. Now I will say "stop me if I told you this before" because I'm really self conscious about boring him, but I realize just now, he hasn't had a panic attack over me repeating something for months.

Oh my God -- maybe he really DID think he was doing me a favor.

He is very efficient and constantly looking for ways to cut steps. For example it drives him crazy if I peel carrots over the sink, then place peelings in trash when I could have just peeled them over the trash.

PS - the conversation you described with Batman is kind of what I'm looking for and I promised myself I'd go for a guy who liked discussing ideas and things. But he is not that guy. But he checks off all the other boxes and I do have other friends and family I can philosophize with. I don't have to interpret it as he doesn't like my personality.

It isn’t that you are boring him. I don’t like being told something twice as if I am a child and need to be reminded.

I actually think my wife is forgetting that she has told me things 3 or 4 times already. She will go over some things as if it was for the first time.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,788 Posts
Hey @FarmTownGirl ,

I've been reading along for all five pages, and honestly it took me this long to think about what is going on here. Just so you know a little about me, I am a lady, almost 60, my dear hubby died in 2017, and I remarried my current beloved hubby in 2019. So I'm not young, I'm not a guy, and I've been in long-term, committed relationships.

When I read your "example", I have to confess, as I read it I was exhausted. For several days now, I have been tossing around in my head what happened, what you wanted or expected, what you intended, etc. and to be honest, it just does not make a lot of sense to me! I just know that as I read it and as I thought about it, I felt exhausted.

SOOOOOO...let's look at your example. [BTW, I know you've given other thoughts and examples, but this one is a medium good one to examine, so I'm focusing on it.] Okay here we go:

We're rushing around to leave for the beach.
He say's "lets take this bag of ice that's in the freezer." It's our only ice.
I say "sure, why don't we take some out now and put it in a bowl in case we want drinks when we get home?"
He says: "Forget it, that's too much trouble. We'll buy a bag at the gas station."

Our relationship was new and I think - Does he think I'll be upset if he doesn't like my idea? I don't care if we don't use my idea, this bag is here and handy. It suddenly becomes important to me that he understand I'm not so touchy that he can't just say "I don't want to rip the bag open."

I say "That's okay we can take this one, it was just an idea."
He says "Forget it, that's too much trouble, you want to rip the bag open, ice will spill, it doesn't need to be complicated. We'll just get one at the gas station."
I say "No, we don't have to open it, it was just a suggestion..."
He says "We'll get one at the gas station, it's just a bag of ice, it doesn't need to turn into such an issue."
Alrighty, I'm going to pause right here. From him, I hear that he's looking forward to getting to the beach with the least amount of fuss possible. It seems/sounds like he's one of those guys who is efficient, and also maybe like he is a problem-solver. When the ice is initially proposed, he's likely thinking something like: "While we are at the beach it would be nice to have ice for our drinks. What is the most efficient way to get ice? Ah, we have a bag in the freezer." And that's likely ALL he's thinking...efficiency, not emotion.

You propose something, and he sees the efficiency go out the window. It delays departing to the beach AND becomes a mess AND it's kind of a hassle (remember...least fuss possible). Thus, the idea of bringing the bag from the freezer is no longer efficient and it is thrown out the window. Problem solve: next most efficient option? Pick up another bag. Okay DONE, we have a plan. No fuss needed...continue with Operation "Depart for Beach"

On your side, look what you wrote: "Does he think I'll be upset if he doesn't like my idea? I don't care if we don't use my idea, this bag is here and handy. It suddenly becomes important to me that he understand I'm not so touchy that he can't just say 'I don't want to rip the bag open.' " Do you note that YOU projected onto him that "he might think you'll be upset" and/or that "he might think you are so touchy he can't say things to you"? See that? That wasn't on his mind AT ALL, but it was on YOUR mind. I think you put what you were thinking about "on him" and then tried to explain to him what was actually your thoughts, not his. So he's on track A-- "Operation Depart for Beach" moving forward efficiently--and you are on track B "He will think I'm upset or touchy!" and he's completely caught off-guard. His mind isn't even close to there!

Then there's this exchange:
I say "That's okay we can take this one, it was just an idea."
He says "Forget it, that's too much trouble, you want to rip the bag open, ice will spill, it doesn't need to be complicated. We'll just get one at the gas station."
I say "No, we don't have to open it, it was just a suggestion..."
He says "We'll get one at the gas station, it's just a bag of ice, it doesn't need to turn into such an issue."


See? He explained himself and you didn't hear HIM. He says "No worries. I'm cool. Just don't want to make it complicated. I have another plan. All is well." :)

So if part of your side was that "it was just an idea" and you were worried he'd think you were upset or touchy, you would have heard "All is cool" and thought "Okay he's alright and life is good" and let it go. But you didn't. You pushed some more! So clearly, the concern wasn't "it was just an idea." It was something more than an idea.

In our house, just the other night, we had an incident similar to this. My beloved hubby, @Emerging Buddhist , was adding ice to an icepack and the hole to add the ice was not a lot larger than the size of our ice cubes..and ice cubes were flying. (It was a little funny :p) Anyway, I suggest he take one of our wider mouth tall drinking glasses, get the cubes, and then pour the cubes into the icepack. He didn't really want to do that at the time, and I said, "Cool" and walked away. I figured, if he wanted to keep going his way, he'd be the one picking up the flying ice cubes! LOL And if he thought about it and want to try my way...hey who knows if it would work for him or not? It was literally "just an idea." A few days later, I found out he did try it (when he was ready), and it did work, and we didn't have a fuss about what he thought of me or letting go of it or making him try my way or ANYTHING.

My point here is just that as I look over just this beginning part of the ice bag incident, I don't see any way that your BF/SO could have "won" or done what was right in your eyes. I mean, right here...at this point...what did you want him to do? What could he have said that would have made you say, "Oh, okay. You heard me." Now I'm fairly creative, and I even like to imagine all the possibilities even if I personally think it's a "bad idea" because maybe it's a good idea to you! How would I know, right? But I honestly don't see an option to do or say "the right thing" (which is essentially what most people want to do if they actually are loving...they just want a chance to do the thing that leads to making you and/or them happy).

He thinks of bringing ice. He thinks of the bag in the freezer. You suggest opening the bag and saving some. He thinks that's messy and says he wants to buy it on the way. You say let's take this one it was just an idea. He says that picking one up is no problem and he's good...he just didn't want the fuss. And somewhere in here YOU feel unheard, un-understood, like he thinks you're upset, and like he thinks you're touchy. Do you want him to say, "Oh I hear you think I may have misunderstood that you're upset. I am not thinking that"? Do you want him to just break open the ice bag to show you? See...there is just no way to get to "Wow I really made her happy! Yay me!"

Let's continue with your example:
I feel dismissed and frustrated but I drop it. We get ready and go, getting ice at the ice station. Now we're driving along and I'm hyper focused on the idea that he thinks I can't handle him not acting on every whimsical idea I have. I bring the subject up --

Me: About the ice, I just wanted you to know that I didn't care if you didn't use my idea.
Him: It's just a bag of ice, don't worry about it.
Me: I'm not talking about the bag of ice, I'm just concerned that...
Him: It's just a bag of ice, why are we talking about a bag of ice? Let's go have fun.
Me: I'm not talking about a bag of ice...
Him: It's ice. We got some at the ice station. Problem solved. There's nothing to talk about.
Me: but I'm not talking about...
Him: Oh look, they're planting cauliflower over there.
Me: silent eye roll.
Him: Look at those pretty clouds. It's a beautiful day.

Me: Wondering WTF just happened? What are my choices? Let it go and appreciate what we have? or DIG IN and INSIST on being heard because I don't want a relationship where I can't connect mentally/emotionally with my guy? Accept that men really aren't interested in understanding my thoughts and go talk to a girlfriend if I need conversation?
See the part I bolded and underlined above? Did ya notice that is YOU who is hyperfocused on what YOU suspect he might be feeling? He has in no way, shape, or form communicated that he's thinking "Oh that darn @FarmTownGirl can't handle it if I don't act on every whim" (or something). That's in your head, not his. He's likely driving along thinking, "Woohoo! On to the beach, did it efficiently, least possible fuss, AND fixed the ice deal." He even at one point said to you "Forget it, that's too much trouble" and then offered a solution that was not too much trouble! Funnily enough, I think the person who is not hearing the other may be you, because in every conceivable way--words, actions, body-language, you name it--he has communicated that he is alright, he is happy to be heading to the beach, and he is past the ice incident and onward to the future. YOU aren't hearing HIM.

What you are hearing is the voices inside your own head. The ones that say "He will think you're upset" or "He'll think you're that type of girl that's all touchy" or as you said yourself "He thinks you can't handle it if he doesn't do your every little whim." See, that is YOUR head telling you that, not him.

And again, in this part of the example, you catch him off-guard. His head is SO NOT THERE (he's driving along happily thinking "Solved that ice thing and got us on the road! I'm awesome" and suddenly you want to explain why you're not touchy. WHAT? Where'd that come from? He even says "Hey babe, it was ice. No biggie. Let's drop it and have fun." That's his way of saying "I'm good and you don't need to worry" but you don't want to hear that and persist. Like I said, I'm a lady and it took me several days just to figure it out this far--he's been smacked upside the head in the moment and probably can't figure out what you're saying or why! LOL

Alrighty, final part:
About him:
  • He's hard of hearing which may account for some misunderstandings, but doesn't explain why he resists my attempts to clarify things.
  • he's definitely a "manly man" which I LOVE about him, absolutely LOVE, but he's not really interested in thoughts, ideas, feeling, philosophizing, etc. Very action oriented. We have rewarding (to me) conversations occasionally, but they are me asking him about himself. He lets me talk about myself but never probes and is super quick to tell me "I've already told him that" (when actually I haven't told him the point I'm about to make). On the other hand sometimes he surprises me with deep insight into my thoughts and motivation when I thought he wasn't listening at all.
Now these two parts here mean A LOT MORE than I suspect you know. My own Beloved Buddhist is also hard of hearing, and it's not "I didn't hear you so I didn't understand you...please clarify." It's literally a day and night struggle to try to make sense of what's being said around you and what noises are around you. I have an idea that might help you: get a pair of those earplugs you can get at the drugstore (to wear when your spouse snores), and wear them ALL DAY. Pick a "typical" day...and I bet you within a couple hours you'll start to lose your mind. You can't take phone calls well. You can't hear co-workers well. Your brain TRIES AND TRIES to hear and make sense and puzzle it out...and your head just gets tired! And worst of all, people will say something to you--maybe from the side or facing away from you--and if you say, "Could you say that again?" they just dismiss you like you're not worth taking the time to repeat it. Or they'll say it, but to the person standing next to you who can hear (like you aren't even there)! I'm telling you, the difficulty with hearing is more than you realize (not like he's hiding it, but being a hearing person you just haven't experienced how it is), and I suspect it would do your relationship a world of good for you to try to understand him and what "hard of hearing" is like. He can't just stick in hearing aides and "poof" now he can hear! Nope!! There are noises but it's like hearing stuff in a tin can, and it's absolutely not distinguishable.

NEXT, you mention he's a manly man, action-oriented, etc. and I was thinking that maybe you two just have fairly different personality types. According to Myers-Briggs, there are 16 personality types: Introvert or Extrovert, Intuitive or Sensing, Thinking or Feeling, Judging or Perceiving. Introvert/Extrovert is how you personally recharge your inner battery--is it within yourself or with other people? Intuitive/Sensing is how you gather information--is it by using your senses or is it by just sort of "knowing"? Thinking/Feeling is the lens by which you interpret the information you gather--is it via your mind and analytics or via your feelings and emotions? And Judging/Perceiving is how you categorize the information you gather--is it "by the rules" and black&white or is it variable and interpreted by 1000 shades of gray? You two can each take the test here and find out: Free personality test | 16Personalities

As an example, I myself am an INFP, but I am about 60/40 Introvert (so that I can relate pretty well with an Extrovert), about 80/20 Intuitive, about 55/45 Feeler (so I have strong Thinker for an F), and truly just about 50/50 Judger/Perceiver. It's funny because sometimes it's like "good heavens the rules say it should...." and other times it's like "well I could see a hundred ways that might be done...." :p

The reason this is important is because it is YOU getting to know more about YOU...also both of you learning more about each other. I highly suspect you are a HIGH percent of Feeler...and he is just as high a percent Thinker, and the Thinker/Feeler male/female struggle can be fairly typical. Thus, if you two do the test and discover that indeed you are a giant capital F and he is a giant capital T, then it's not him being thoughtless of you nor you being thoughtless of him! It's just a difference in the style of interpreting... well everything. You may discover that you tend to interpret through your feelings and how you feel and "how does this make me feel?" and "do I feel right about this?" ... and HE tends to interprets through his thoughts and how he has analyzed the best likely outcome and "given all the options which one likely results in a positive reaction?" and "how do I do this most efficiently with the least amount of fuss?"

Once you are aware that you are F and he is T, then you can be aware "Oh, this whole ice thing...might it be a F/T disconnect thing?" and you can see he's not excluding you etc. but rather "just being who he is." Knowledge is power!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #83
....but because you asked, generally, yeah, you presented an alternative. People do that when they aren't completely on board with a plan or suggestion.
That's helpful. If I have an idea I usually voice it the second it occurs to me. I've been trying to do that less and also if he gets at all agitated, I just STOP.

He seems really happy lately.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #84
@Affaircare, thank you so much for your thorough and thoughtful reply. I too am an INFP -- Former ENFP. -- getting more "I" with age. And like you still strong in the T. I will see if I can get him to take the test.

One amusing note -- would you believe one of the things he said about me constantly when we first met was he LOVED that I was so LOGICAL. He simply could NOT have a logical conversation with his Ex. hahahah I wonder what he thinks now... The poor guy!

You said a few things that really struck me that I'll think about and maybe follow up on later. But one thing -- yes the ice was just one example, but most everyone on here keeps saying he found an easier solution - go to the store.

I'm confused. How is driving to a store and buying a bag of ice easier than grabbing the one right in front of you?

When I asked why not just grab this one like you suggested, his reason was "we couldn't do that because I had to tear it open and do all this complex stuff. When I had just said I don't have to tear it open he just kept coming back with "we'll go to the store, I don't have time to tear the ice open and do all these fancy things."

I was so frustrated, I know he speaks English, but he keeps telling me my POV is NOT what I am explicitly telling him it is.

Now I feel much better about it though because I am understanding that it's just his temperament -- it's not a sign that he doesn't care about me.


Hey @FarmTownGirl ,

I've been reading along for all five pages, and honestly it took me this long to think about what is going on here. Just so you know a little about me, I am a lady, almost 60, my dear hubby died in 2017, and I remarried my current beloved hubby in 2019. So I'm not young, I'm not a guy, and I've been in long-term, committed relationships.

When I read your "example", I have to confess, as I read it I was exhausted. For several days now, I have been tossing around in my head what happened, what you wanted or expected, what you intended, etc. and to be honest, it just does not make a lot of sense to me! I just know that as I read it and as I thought about it, I felt exhausted.

SOOOOOO...let's look at your example. [BTW, I know you've given other thoughts and examples, but this one is a medium good one to examine, so I'm focusing on it.] Okay here we go:



Alrighty, I'm going to pause right here. From him, I hear that he's looking forward to getting to the beach with the least amount of fuss possible. It seems/sounds like he's one of those guys who is efficient, and also maybe like he is a problem-solver. When the ice is initially proposed, he's likely thinking something like: "While we are at the beach it would be nice to have ice for our drinks. What is the most efficient way to get ice? Ah, we have a bag in the freezer." And that's likely ALL he's thinking...efficiency, not emotion.

You propose something, and he sees the efficiency go out the window. It delays departing to the beach AND becomes a mess AND it's kind of a hassle (remember...least fuss possible). Thus, the idea of bringing the bag from the freezer is no longer efficient and it is thrown out the window. Problem solve: next most efficient option? Pick up another bag. Okay DONE, we have a plan. No fuss needed...continue with Operation "Depart for Beach"

On your side, look what you wrote: "Does he think I'll be upset if he doesn't like my idea? I don't care if we don't use my idea, this bag is here and handy. It suddenly becomes important to me that he understand I'm not so touchy that he can't just say 'I don't want to rip the bag open.' " Do you note that YOU projected onto him that "he might think you'll be upset" and/or that "he might think you are so touchy he can't say things to you"? See that? That wasn't on his mind AT ALL, but it was on YOUR mind. I think you put what you were thinking about "on him" and then tried to explain to him what was actually your thoughts, not his. So he's on track A-- "Operation Depart for Beach" moving forward efficiently--and you are on track B "He will think I'm upset or touchy!" and he's completely caught off-guard. His mind isn't even close to there!

Then there's this exchange:
I say "That's okay we can take this one, it was just an idea."
He says "Forget it, that's too much trouble, you want to rip the bag open, ice will spill, it doesn't need to be complicated. We'll just get one at the gas station."
I say "No, we don't have to open it, it was just a suggestion..."
He says "We'll get one at the gas station, it's just a bag of ice, it doesn't need to turn into such an issue."


See? He explained himself and you didn't hear HIM. He says "No worries. I'm cool. Just don't want to make it complicated. I have another plan. All is well." :)

So if part of your side was that "it was just an idea" and you were worried he'd think you were upset or touchy, you would have heard "All is cool" and thought "Okay he's alright and life is good" and let it go. But you didn't. You pushed some more! So clearly, the concern wasn't "it was just an idea." It was something more than an idea.

In our house, just the other night, we had an incident similar to this. My beloved hubby, @Emerging Buddhist , was adding ice to an icepack and the hole to add the ice was not a lot larger than the size of our ice cubes..and ice cubes were flying. (It was a little funny :p) Anyway, I suggest he take one of our wider mouth tall drinking glasses, get the cubes, and then pour the cubes into the icepack. He didn't really want to do that at the time, and I said, "Cool" and walked away. I figured, if he wanted to keep going his way, he'd be the one picking up the flying ice cubes! LOL And if he thought about it and want to try my way...hey who knows if it would work for him or not? It was literally "just an idea." A few days later, I found out he did try it (when he was ready), and it did work, and we didn't have a fuss about what he thought of me or letting go of it or making him try my way or ANYTHING.

My point here is just that as I look over just this beginning part of the ice bag incident, I don't see any way that your BF/SO could have "won" or done what was right in your eyes. I mean, right here...at this point...what did you want him to do? What could he have said that would have made you say, "Oh, okay. You heard me." Now I'm fairly creative, and I even like to imagine all the possibilities even if I personally think it's a "bad idea" because maybe it's a good idea to you! How would I know, right? But I honestly don't see an option to do or say "the right thing" (which is essentially what most people want to do if they actually are loving...they just want a chance to do the thing that leads to making you and/or them happy).

He thinks of bringing ice. He thinks of the bag in the freezer. You suggest opening the bag and saving some. He thinks that's messy and says he wants to buy it on the way. You say let's take this one it was just an idea. He says that picking one up is no problem and he's good...he just didn't want the fuss. And somewhere in here YOU feel unheard, un-understood, like he thinks you're upset, and like he thinks you're touchy. Do you want him to say, "Oh I hear you think I may have misunderstood that you're upset. I am not thinking that"? Do you want him to just break open the ice bag to show you? See...there is just no way to get to "Wow I really made her happy! Yay me!"

Let's continue with your example:


See the part I bolded and underlined above? Did ya notice that is YOU who is hyperfocused on what YOU suspect he might be feeling? He has in no way, shape, or form communicated that he's thinking "Oh that darn @FarmTownGirl can't handle it if I don't act on every whim" (or something). That's in your head, not his. He's likely driving along thinking, "Woohoo! On to the beach, did it efficiently, least possible fuss, AND fixed the ice deal." He even at one point said to you "Forget it, that's too much trouble" and then offered a solution that was not too much trouble! Funnily enough, I think the person who is not hearing the other may be you, because in every conceivable way--words, actions, body-language, you name it--he has communicated that he is alright, he is happy to be heading to the beach, and he is past the ice incident and onward to the future. YOU aren't hearing HIM.

What you are hearing is the voices inside your own head. The ones that say "He will think you're upset" or "He'll think you're that type of girl that's all touchy" or as you said yourself "He thinks you can't handle it if he doesn't do your every little whim." See, that is YOUR head telling you that, not him.

And again, in this part of the example, you catch him off-guard. His head is SO NOT THERE (he's driving along happily thinking "Solved that ice thing and got us on the road! I'm awesome" and suddenly you want to explain why you're not touchy. WHAT? Where'd that come from? He even says "Hey babe, it was ice. No biggie. Let's drop it and have fun." That's his way of saying "I'm good and you don't need to worry" but you don't want to hear that and persist. Like I said, I'm a lady and it took me several days just to figure it out this far--he's been smacked upside the head in the moment and probably can't figure out what you're saying or why! LOL

Alrighty, final part:


Now these two parts here mean A LOT MORE than I suspect you know. My own Beloved Buddhist is also hard of hearing, and it's not "I didn't hear you so I didn't understand you...please clarify." It's literally a day and night struggle to try to make sense of what's being said around you and what noises are around you. I have an idea that might help you: get a pair of those earplugs you can get at the drugstore (to wear when your spouse snores), and wear them ALL DAY. Pick a "typical" day...and I bet you within a couple hours you'll start to lose your mind. You can't take phone calls well. You can't hear co-workers well. Your brain TRIES AND TRIES to hear and make sense and puzzle it out...and your head just gets tired! And worst of all, people will say something to you--maybe from the side or facing away from you--and if you say, "Could you say that again?" they just dismiss you like you're not worth taking the time to repeat it. Or they'll say it, but to the person standing next to you who can hear (like you aren't even there)! I'm telling you, the difficulty with hearing is more than you realize (not like he's hiding it, but being a hearing person you just haven't experienced how it is), and I suspect it would do your relationship a world of good for you to try to understand him and what "hard of hearing" is like. He can't just stick in hearing aides and "poof" now he can hear! Nope!! There are noises but it's like hearing stuff in a tin can, and it's absolutely not distinguishable.

NEXT, you mention he's a manly man, action-oriented, etc. and I was thinking that maybe you two just have fairly different personality types. According to Myers-Briggs, there are 16 personality types: Introvert or Extrovert, Intuitive or Sensing, Thinking or Feeling, Judging or Perceiving. Introvert/Extrovert is how you personally recharge your inner battery--is it within yourself or with other people? Intuitive/Sensing is how you gather information--is it by using your senses or is it by just sort of "knowing"? Thinking/Feeling is the lens by which you interpret the information you gather--is it via your mind and analytics or via your feelings and emotions? And Judging/Perceiving is how you categorize the information you gather--is it "by the rules" and black&white or is it variable and interpreted by 1000 shades of gray? You two can each take the test here and find out: Free personality test | 16Personalities

As an example, I myself am an INFP, but I am about 60/40 Introvert (so that I can relate pretty well with an Extrovert), about 80/20 Intuitive, about 55/45 Feeler (so I have strong Thinker for an F), and truly just about 50/50 Judger/Perceiver. It's funny because sometimes it's like "good heavens the rules say it should...." and other times it's like "well I could see a hundred ways that might be done...." :p

The reason this is important is because it is YOU getting to know more about YOU...also both of you learning more about each other. I highly suspect you are a HIGH percent of Feeler...and he is just as high a percent Thinker, and the Thinker/Feeler male/female struggle can be fairly typical. Thus, if you two do the test and discover that indeed you are a giant capital F and he is a giant capital T, then it's not him being thoughtless of you nor you being thoughtless of him! It's just a difference in the style of interpreting... well everything. You may discover that you tend to interpret through your feelings and how you feel and "how does this make me feel?" and "do I feel right about this?" ... and HE tends to interprets through his thoughts and how he has analyzed the best likely outcome and "given all the options which one likely results in a positive reaction?" and "how do I do this most efficiently with the least amount of fuss?"

Once you are aware that you are F and he is T, then you can be aware "Oh, this whole ice thing...might it be a F/T disconnect thing?" and you can see he's not excluding you etc. but rather "just being who he is." Knowledge is power!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #85
Some of you think I'm annoying now? Check this out -- Cortana on my PC just emailed me a report listing ALL the emails I sent asking someone a question where they have not yet responded! LOOK OUT WORLD! hahahaha!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
94 Posts
I think maybe you just take things a bit too personally (that approval seeking stuff I mentioned earlier). That doesn't mean you're annoying. It means you are feeling at least somewhat insecure. Finding ways to validate yourself will make you much happier, help you feel more complete, than waiting for others to validate you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,612 Posts
Some of you think I'm annoying now? Check this out -- Cortana on my PC just emailed me a report listing ALL the emails I sent asking someone a question where they have not yet responded! LOOK OUT WORLD! hahahaha!!
So, how many emails did you send?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Discussion Starter #88
So, how many emails did you send?
Ha ha, none actually. I'm so busy I focus my attention on the clients who have time to get back to me.

Now that you mention email though, that is another frustration of mine -- Email conversations that don't make sense. I've decided people are in a rush just pick up the phone if I must, but I don't know why they can't just. answer. the. question! Here's an example:

Me: I have two email addresses for you. xxx and this one you're emailing me from. Which one do you want on the web page?
Colleague: Yeah, we have that other email address for xyz...
Me: Which one do you want me to use?
Colleague: that's my abc email address....
Me: Which of the two email addresses belongs on the web page?
Colleague: That's fine.
---- To a normal person that probably means "I don't care." To me I was like "Answer the damn question!"

That is a relationship thing too -- I will ask my guy a specific question for a specific reason, and he will preconceive why I'm asking (incorrectly) and answer THAT instead of the actual question.
 
81 - 89 of 89 Posts
Top