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My marriage has been an emotional roller coaster ride to say the least for the last 3-4 years of our 6 year marriage. My biggest issues right now is we are like 2 strangers living in the same house, we have no intimacy, no conversations, everything is just mundane and routine. I told my husband tonight that I felt like he wasn't in love with me anymore and that I feel the only reason he is staying is because it's convenient and he doesn't want to be away from his kids. His response, NONE. He didn't even tell me I was wrong. I asked him why he came back after our big 3 day separation 2 years ago. He said he felt he needed to. I asked again why. He said I feel like I am meant to be with ya'll (not me but all of us meaning me and the kids). I asked him why he was giving such round about answers and not being straight forward with me, and he dodged it again. The conversation ended because he said he was tired and we argued about that for a little and I just walked away. I am never a priority or even feel the slightest bit important. I know that I cannot keep going the way things are. I truly love my husband with all my heart but it really hurts to be in a relationship with someone you aren't sure wants to be in one with you. My heart is breaking. Am I kidding myself and trying to hold on to something that is not there. I just want to be loved by my husband, is it too much to ask?!?

I feel like I am hopelessly heartbroken.
 

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It sounds to me as if you aren't speaking each other's love languages, and that you have a need to talk about problems instead of recognizing that as a man, he learns from actions. If you use your behavior and stop talking, you can teach him what you'd like to see and be the woman he wants to give that to.
 

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You have a shot at fixing this. Both will need to change, meeting each other's needs. But the change will most likely have to start from unilateral action. This means that you need to do the work necessary to make real changes in yourself that will cause real changes in your marriage. It sounds like a lot of the anger in your marriage stems from the both of you being very frustrated and not sure how to get your marriage on track.


Here is a list of books that can help you. Often times I find that one good self-help book is worth hours, months, even years of counseling. All of the suggested books are available through Amazon.com and other book sellers and on the web sites of the authors. I suggest that your spouse not see these books nor see you reading them. Otherwise they might get the idea that you are making temporary changes to suck them back into the marriage. This is not about temporary changes just to achieve your goal.


Since there was an affair.. start with “Surviving an Affair” by Dr. Harley.


Then this one does a very good job of explaining how to use unilateral action/changes to improve/save your marriage… Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, Michele Weiner Davis - great for communication, and for taking responsibility and action to improve your quality of life.


Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In, Laurie Puhn. - Ways to tackle problems in a common sense way, and open direct, honest communication in areas of conflict.


Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In


The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert, John Gottman. - Ideas and activities to go through to understand each other more and strengthen your bond together.


“His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters”, Dr. Harley… good guides for how to meet each other needs and rebuild to a passionate marriage.


How Can I Be Your Lover, When I'm Too Busy Being Your Mother? Sara Dimerman and J. Kearns. - Common passion killing pitfalls that couples unwittingly succumb to, and how to become partners again.
How Can I Be Your Lover When I'm Too Busy Being Your Mother?: The Answer to Becoming Partners Again
 

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Here is a quote from a wise man (meaning not me!):

If you are in a relationship, know that love never dies.
The only thing that dies is one or both partner’s energy to create a loving environment. I can’t tell you how many times a married person has said to me, “I love my husband but I’m not ‘in love’ with him anymore.” And I usually respond with “I hope not!”

If a couple is in a long-term married relationship and they expect it to feel like the delusion of early romantic love, they will never be happy. Boredom is not an excuse for a divorce. Boredom is a wake-up call that you haven’t been loving enough. Where’s that verb, that action word?

Ask not what your relationship can do for you. Ask what you can do for your relationship. Is today the day to go into action?
 

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Don't agree Chuck - Love dies - like a flower which you don't water. When my husband decided to go bankrupt instead of working I looked at him and finally see through the fog I created myself. He is a complete stranger who just uses me as a meal ticket, doesn't care about me or the kids and he sees is himself. It was like a cold shower - I looked and try to feel something for him and all i could find was resentment . Telling him next day we getting the divorce was the only highlight of the day
 

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Love is a commitment & not a feeling. It's up to each spouse to give the marriage what it needs. I believe you can stay "in love" with your spouse long term if you keep their "love tank" full.
On the other hand, it is only dead when there is no more trying. It can always be revived, if the desire is there.
 

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P is right, one can't do it alone. It is soul destroying. I know some need time but, you need to have a 'i'm in this with you'. if not.....set boundaries and move on....easier said than done
 
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