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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been awake the entire night, unable to sleep because I've been trying to decide if I should break up with my SO. Here is my story, please help me decide and ask anything you want...

We met online, have been together for a year, live with our parents. I work pt, and he works for his parents but they haven't paid him for the few years he's been doing that.

We see each other twice a week, talk every day, always think of each other. Once or twice something stupid has been said, but we are human :eek:

I am his first relationship, he is my second. I got burned and learnt alot from the last one, things I won't put up with, etc and I am certain that he is a really great guy.

The problem is his circumstances. Before he met me, he was stuck in a comfortable rut and not looking for work. At the start of January I told him to get on applying or I wouldn't be sticking around. That was very hard to say, as I sort of thrive on being nice to everyone. Well he got on with it, and still is applying though it's less frequent than it was last month. He's gone to 5 interviews and has another next week.

He doesn't want to go on jobseeker's, he'd rather get a job. His parents have started paying him the amount he'd get on JS so he is still working for them about 25 hrs a week.

I just don't know how long I can hang in there, waiting for him to get employed, so he can save anything. I've been in work for 5 years, and saved my ass off. I think we think the same about money, he would be a saver too - he doesn't waste what little he has.

Have you ever broken up with someone over circumstances? He is a really great boyfriend, and if he had money right now I know we would be moving forward as I wish we were. In mid Feb we had a big talk/cry about him not applying to JS, and I accepted that he didn't want to do it, and also realised how terrifying the thought of being without him really is. As I said, I'm pretty rattled by all this thinking so please, any advice will be taken on board.

Thank you so much for reading :eek:
 

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This is a very valid reason not to marry someone and to end a relationship.

Stability is very important. So is preparing for the future and saving enough money to live on once you retire.

I don't know the circumstances, but his parents can't expect him to keep working without a paycheck.
 

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Financial matters are near the top of the list when it comes to couples breaking up.

It's better to discover now that you are not on the same page about that than have to deal with it down the road.
 

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I have been awake the entire night, unable to sleep because I've been trying to decide if I should break up with my SO. Here is my story, please help me decide and ask anything you want...

We met online, have been together for a year, live with our parents. I work pt, and he works for his parents but they haven't paid him for the few years he's been doing that.

We see each other twice a week, talk every day, always think of each other. Once or twice something stupid has been said, but we are human :eek:

I am his first relationship, he is my second. I got burned and learnt alot from the last one, things I won't put up with, etc and I am certain that he is a really great guy.

The problem is his circumstances. Before he met me, he was stuck in a comfortable rut and not looking for work. At the start of January I told him to get on applying or I wouldn't be sticking around. That was very hard to say, as I sort of thrive on being nice to everyone. Well he got on with it, and still is applying though it's less frequent than it was last month. He's gone to 5 interviews and has another next week.

He doesn't want to go on jobseeker's, he'd rather get a job. His parents have started paying him the amount he'd get on JS so he is still working for them about 25 hrs a week.

I just don't know how long I can hang in there, waiting for him to get employed, so he can save anything. I've been in work for 5 years, and saved my ass off. I think we think the same about money, he would be a saver too - he doesn't waste what little he has.

Have you ever broken up with someone over circumstances? He is a really great boyfriend, and if he had money right now I know we would be moving forward as I wish we were. In mid Feb we had a big talk/cry about him not applying to JS, and I accepted that he didn't want to do it, and also realised how terrifying the thought of being without him really is. As I said, I'm pretty rattled by all this thinking so please, any advice will be taken on board.

Thank you so much for reading :eek:
In my opinion, this is not about circumstances. You're seeing something about his character and values. Only you can decide if that is compatible with yours.

Let's pretend for a moment that the two of you married and promised to spend the rest of your lives together. Do you think there will never be a job loss? Times when working isn't appealing? How about other things that can leave a person feeling overwhelmed or scared? How will he react to those?
 

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Was serious about a guy once that had a lackluster attitude about work. I have a very high work ethic so I knew this would be a problem so I broke up with him. I just can't deal with a man who has no ambition in life. It's a deal breaker.

Went on to marry a very hard worker. I think financial stability is very important. We are middle age now and I cringe thinking what would have happened had I married the other guy. Last i heard hes still looking for the easy way out. And here we are with retirement funds and a pension plan. My husband has been employed at the same company for 17 years now. This makes me happy and secure.

Not every one needs this level of security but I do.
 

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There is nothing wrong with your thought process. I don't mean to be old fashioned but a woman that plans on bearing children, needs to know that she has a man that can support the family. You can (God forbid) have issues in working prior to and after the birth that you need to be able to count on him. This also is telling to how committed he is to the relationship.

I could be wrong here but I get the feeling that there are maturity issues with him. It seems that Mom and Dad have always taken care of him, so if he worked he worked, if he didn't he didn't, no big deal. You need a man that can be a partner not a man-child that you have to raise. Start looking for the exit door.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to wrestle with this tonight in my head, suck it up and likely end the relationship. It would have been easier if 200 people had replied with 'Leave him!' but this will have to do ;)

I want to tell myself I will be fine without him, it doesn't feel that way now, I will try to save the friendship because he means a lot to me. It's alright telling someone to move on, until it's yourself :eek:
 

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Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to wrestle with this tonight in my head, suck it up and likely end the relationship. It would have been easier if 200 people had replied with 'Leave him!' but this will have to do ;)

I want to tell myself I will be fine without him, it doesn't feel that way now, I will try to save the friendship because he means a lot to me. It's alright telling someone to move on, until it's yourself :eek:
Good. Recognize your own feelings. If you are staying up all night stressing over this - then that is the kind of significant other you have. One that has you staying up all night stressing.

You want the one that makes you feel so secure that you're asleep when your head hits the pillow. Nothing is worse than being old, worn out, broke, and alone. You have the vigor of youth, and you need to hitch your wagon to a big plow horse to pull some weight.

You will soon enough be glad for this decision. You have a good head on your shoulders.
 

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Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to wrestle with this tonight in my head, suck it up and likely end the relationship. It would have been easier if 200 people had replied with 'Leave him!' but this will have to do ;)

I want to tell myself I will be fine without him, it doesn't feel that way now, I will try to save the friendship because he means a lot to me. It's alright telling someone to move on, until it's yourself :eek:
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Just one person, and only 60 times, but I hope it helps make your decision easier. It sounds like you two would not weather life's challenges well together and you'd wind up feeling like he'd taken advantage of you.
 
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